d&d online

3 Apr 2013 07:51 pm
cimorene: A black-and-white vintage photograph of 1920s singer Helen Kane in profile, with a dubious, side-eye expression (google)
[personal profile] perhael and I have both always wanted to play Dungeons & Dragons. We were talking about it the other day and I googled d&d online and managed to come up (in addition to video games which was not what we wanted) with this site called The Tangled Web, where they run "pen and paper" RPGs over the internet, both over forums and in real time via some kind of program that is like... a virtual gaming tabletop (a piece of furniture I've only witnessed on crime shows belonging to the guilty and at cons surrounded by chips and discarded coffee cups), and looks intimidatingly complex.

So, actually, I'm still intimidated. I started poking around the site a little bit, but I didn't actually get to the point of reading through the introduction to the software, or signing up. [personal profile] perhael says there's a teaching game though.

I've played Settlers of Catan for BIL's idk his bff Thos.'s birthday and I think one other time possibly and also a similar board game and generally I have liked them but thought they would be more fun if they were more like I have gathered (imagined?) D&D to be, over the years. Also my parents had this really fun card RPG that is apparently kind of rare but I really liked it a lot as a kid.
cimorene: A black-and-white vintage photograph of 1920s singer Helen Kane in profile, with a dubious, side-eye expression (tea cup)
 

 




[personal profile] perhael: i would fucking kill for those.
[personal profile] cimorene: well, you can actually obtain them for money.
[personal profile] perhael: lolol this is true
[personal profile] cimorene: although they may be a bit steep if you have to ship them from england...
[personal profile] perhael: it would probably be simpler than killing someone, though. also more legal.
[personal profile] cimorene: let's not resort to violence until absolutely necessary, then.
[personal profile] perhael: i agree.
cimorene: A black-and-white vintage photograph of 1920s singer Helen Kane in profile, with a dubious, side-eye expression (giggle)
Remember this amazing Heroes badsex?

All that unadulterated cream-and-coffee skin against white, with dark tangles at stern and midship, was just too delicious a contrast for Matt. His pants were strangling him.

cim: This paragraph is like a one-two-three punch of wtf? that knocks you out.
cim: BAM, cream-and-coffee skin! You're reeling!
lilah: Stern and midship? WHAT?
cim: Exactly! WHAM, stern and midship! What? you're staggering!
lilah: HIS PANTS WERE STRANGLING HIM!
cim: AND YOU'RE OUT COLD.
cim: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?
lilah: I DON'T KNOOOOOOOOOOOOOW
cim: WHY ARE HIS PANTS SUDDENLY ANIMATE AND BENT ON MURDER? WASN'T THIS A BAD SEX SCENE A MINUTE AGO? WHAT HAPPENED? WHERE AM I?


Well, so, that period in my life ended (because Matt and Mohinder, like, split up? Or something, idk, Heroes became too bad to keep up with) but all was not lost, because the previous record-holder for most horrifying badsex until I read that Star Wars fic where whoever-it-was "could not have been any harder if his erection were encased in plasticrete" [access-locked]is now writing Supernatural. Although her newer stuff wasn't nearly as hilarious. She seems to have gained some maturity, or maybe it's just that the rest of the fandom is so much worse.
cimorene: A black-and-white vintage photograph of 1920s singer Helen Kane in profile, with a dubious, side-eye expression (wicked)
So for the past few days I've been hugely impressed by someone even more amazing than Limpet Vacuum Girl or Immortal Waycestuous Assbaby Snake!Frank Girl. The intensity of this girl's devotion to childraped, ponytailed sparkle motion cannot be overstated. To put it another way, the archive contains 38 stories by her, almost entirely first times featuring the same OMCs and the same elaborate childrape backstory for Illya as well as the same completely non-canon ponytail. I guess we all have to have our kinks.

BUT THEN.

"A - um, a refractory period. That's what it's called."

"And what was your question exactly?" When he put his lips to Illya's throat he could feel Illya's pulse beating there.

"Well - we don't seem to have one."

"No, we don't, do we. Do you know what that means?" He moved up so he was smiling directly into Illya's eyes, and they smiled back at him.

"No."

"True love." Napoleon fitted them together with care and oh, how perfect the match was. "It's a sign of true love."


Okay. So.


[personal profile] perhael: "Our love is so true, it overrides normal physical reactions!"
[personal profile] perhael: I MEAN SRSLY WHAT.
[personal profile] cimorene: True loves means your balls are magically always full!
[personal profile] cimorene: THEY CAN NOW ACCESS THE SPECIAL TRUE LOVE RESERVE SPUNK.
[personal profile] perhael: AHAHAHAHAHHAHA. I'm picturing a secret secure door inside the ballsac labeled "true love reserves".
[personal profile] cimorene: ÖAKLHSDFÖASDHLHFYYYTBJUT
[personal profile] perhael: "OPEN ONLY IN CASE OF SOULMATES"
[personal profile] cimorene: khxcvöla>kxv It's probably triggered by a physical mechanism!
[personal profile] cimorene: Once the cock touches the soul... which as we know is located just past the prostate...
[personal profile] cimorene: I have to post this.
[personal profile] perhael: You really do!
[personal profile] perhael: Other people need to know about this magical discovery! They may have been wondering why they still have refractory periods! They might not know it's because they haven't found their ~*TRUE LOVE*~!
cimorene: A black-and-white vintage photograph of 1920s singer Helen Kane in profile, with a dubious, side-eye expression (snap)
Several pictures illustrate casting spoilers and also, a pair of shoes that I need to buy right away. )

[personal profile] cimorene: Here's a question for you: WHAT HAPPENED TO HIS EYEBROWS.
[personal profile] perhael: Wow, that's unfortunate.
[personal profile] cimorene: Yeah. But I would wear his wardrobe spoiler ) & shirt :D
[personal profile] cimorene: and wardrobe spoiler )!
[personal profile] perhael: Yeah. Also I'd do his companion
[personal profile] cimorene: Yeah.
[personal profile] cimorene: And then the morning after, I'd take her outfit.
[personal profile] perhael: lolllllllllllll!

WIN

6 Nov 2008 12:24 am
cimorene: A black-and-white vintage photograph of 1920s singer Helen Kane in profile, with a dubious, side-eye expression (srs bzns)
[livejournal.com profile] cimness: It's creepy as shit! Not that shit is creepy.
[livejournal.com profile] cimness: Although hell isn't creepy either, really.
[livejournal.com profile] perhael: Ahahahahahaha, true
[livejournal.com profile] perhael: It's creepy as Cheney?
cimorene: A black-and-white vintage photograph of 1920s singer Helen Kane in profile, with a dubious, side-eye expression (fools)
I um... want some Stewart/Colbert. Unfortunately, that's what [livejournal.com profile] perhael and I like to call a faildom. That's because there's actually no fic at all in it that both doesn't suck and is longer than a couple of hundred words. So my chances don't look good. :|
cimorene: A black-and-white vintage photograph of 1920s singer Helen Kane in profile, with a dubious, side-eye expression (this is awkward)
[A]side from the occasional look – the sort of look he might give to any attractive person, male or female – Gordon had never even looked at another man, or wanted to... .

[livejournal.com profile] perhael: .....
cim: O RLY
cim: So basically what you're saying is... that in fact... he HAD looked.
[livejournal.com profile] perhael: Except that he hadn't!
[livejournal.com profile] perhael: It was Schrödingers's look.
cimorene: A black-and-white vintage photograph of 1920s singer Helen Kane in profile, with a dubious, side-eye expression (bend it like beckham)

cim: OK, this is kind of hot, but what kind of HIGHLY ATHLETIC SPORT requires you to wear a SKIRT? WTF, tennis? This is the 21st century.
[livejournal.com profile] perhael: LOL, inorite! I think women are actually allowed to wear shorts now, in tennis - since like... last year or something.
cim: You can stop pretending you are all dancing out onto the lawn at some Gosford Park house party!
cim: Yeah, usually... but my impression from pictures is that at the big games they usually don't because it's like, shocking or...
[livejournal.com profile] perhael: Yeah. LOL omg how shocking, a girl in shorts!
cim: My impression is that it's sort of like wearing pants to a wedding.
cim: But considering they're professional athletes and NOT AT GOSFORD PARK, y'know? It is not a ladylike genteel upperclass British pursuit! She's a highly muscled American and she could probably beat up Lara Croft!
[livejournal.com profile] perhael: Srsly, Lara would go DOWN
[livejournal.com profile] perhael: ...Mmmm, tennis in Lara Croft outfits
cim: mmmm Lara Croft's outfit
cim: LOL jinx.
[livejournal.com profile] perhael: Lol! It's true though.



*And okay, that's not where my mind was originally with the title, but it's not a bad place...
cimorene: A black-and-white vintage photograph of 1920s singer Helen Kane in profile, with a dubious, side-eye expression (modern girl)
Stone Age skeletons in the Sahara! And to me this is the coolest part: About 100 million years ago, this land was forested and occupied by dinosaurs and enormous crocodiles. Not that that's new, just... GIANT CROCODILES! Crocodiles are cool! I love crocodilians!

Has anyone else noticed that the Dictionary.com word of the day is, about half the time, an annoyingly, obnoxiously elementary joke? I don't look at it on purpose: it shows up in the news headlines in gmail. "Blackguard"? Seriously? Anyone who teaches elementary language arts should look into using this site. Or anyone who teaches ESL. Not anyone who is actually an adult and a native speaker of English. "Meticulous"? "Propound"? "Laconic"?

I had to turn down the chance to go to Ängisbacka today because I haven't had time to get up and eat and stuff yet. :(

I had a disturbing mixture of anxiety nightmares and dreams about cuddling my sweet, sweet little dog. I guess having him sleep snuggled against my legs is good for something.

Batman is so brooding and grumpy and emo. Isn't it great? [livejournal.com profile] perhael and I had a total crack digression about Toni Braxton in regards to her wip yesterday that will show up in the deleted scenes when she's done unless we forget.
cimorene: A black-and-white vintage photograph of 1920s singer Helen Kane in profile, with a dubious, side-eye expression (tell me more)
Everyone has those moments where they're like, "That person is the who now?" or "I know SOMEONE on my flist had a cousin who won the international hotdog-eating competition! Was that him?" or "Wait, she's getting married? Who is this Bob? I thought she was dating someone named Mr. Mystery!"

Here are the people I am likely to mention without further explanation. )
cimorene: A black-and-white vintage photograph of 1920s singer Helen Kane in profile, with a dubious, side-eye expression (Default)
Wax belatedly noticed when we got home from the post office today that the sheet of stamps I made her pick up from next to the cash register... are Jesus stamps.

What, like for if you need some guidance between leaving your home and reaching the post drop box? "Jesus, please help me. Do I turn left or go straight?" ([livejournal.com profile] perhael: "Jesus, do I need one or two of you? For my package is large.")

ETA: the second-to-last [livejournal.com profile] unnecessaryquot is hilarious in light of this entry:



LOLCAT PERV JESUS.
cimorene: A black-and-white vintage photograph of 1920s singer Helen Kane in profile, with a dubious, side-eye expression (Default)
All that unadulterated cream-and-coffee skin against white, with dark tangles at stern and midship, was just too delicious a contrast for Matt. His pants were strangling him.

cim: This paragraph is like a one-two-three punch of wtf? that knocks you out.
cim: BAM, cream-and-coffee skin! You're reeling!
lilah: Stern and midship? WHAT?
cim: Exactly! WHAM, stern and midship! What? you're staggering!
lilah: HIS PANTS WERE STRANGLING HIM!
cim: AND YOU'RE OUT COLD.
cim: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?
lilah: I DON'T KNOOOOOOOOOOOOOW
cim: WHY ARE HIS PANTS SUDDENLY ANIMATE AND BENT ON MURDER? WASN'T THIS A BAD SEX SCENE A MINUTE AGO? WHAT HAPPENED? WHERE AM I?
cimorene: A black-and-white vintage photograph of 1920s singer Helen Kane in profile, with a dubious, side-eye expression (crack)
[livejournal.com profile] perhael made me a Jon Stewart/Stephen Colbert badfic comic book for my birthday!

The Tragic, Emotional Love Story of Jon Stewart & Stephen Colbert (Who Are Totally Soulmates, and Also Jon Is a Sub)! )

The hard copy of this (BOUND with little YARN BOWS) is now sitting on my computer being periodically caressed. ♥
cimorene: A black-and-white vintage photograph of 1920s singer Helen Kane in profile, with a dubious, side-eye expression (asleep on the couch)
I read several hilarious and/or upsetting pieces of badfic today, including the most gratuitous and bizarre fictional context for child rape I have ever seen (and the child in question was Jon Stewart), with all kinds of hilarious badreader feedback praising their brilliance, talent with the English language (apparently not covering punctuation or modifier placement), eloquence, and sensitivity. [livejournal.com profile] perhael and I discussed why Jon Stewart always seems to be a weepy bottom and why, in fact, there's so much bad d/s in his fandom and he's always the sub. We don't know, but we feel the situation should be rectified. We have a banner and nebulous plans to create pseudonymous fiction with Jon on top.

I also had time to rewrite the ending of my Frank/Gerard story, so now it's just waiting for beta and I'm free to write Ray/Bob again, or work on the werewolves, or - wow, has my to-do list been whittled down so far, to just a couple of novels? Ahahah. Still in urgent need of a beta, though.
cimorene: A black-and-white vintage photograph of 1920s singer Helen Kane in profile, with a dubious, side-eye expression (ta-da!)
cim: So, I read a badfic where Jon Stewart is really upset that his baseball team loses, so he locks himself in his room and his wife calls Stephen Colbert to fix the emergency. Stephen picks the lock and goes in there and cuddles him until he is ready to apologise for being a dick, and then his wife comes in and they all three sit on the bed, and then Stephen tries to go and Jon is like NOOOES I AM STILL SAD, so Stephen cuddles him from the other side and they both kiss his hair and Jon sighs happily, TEH END.
cim: WHAT THE FUCK.
lilah: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
cim: LOLOL, BUT SRSLY, WTF?
lilah: I DON'T KNOW
cim: I don't know whether to boggle my eyes out or throw up a little bit in my mouth!
lilah: SRSLY.
cim: WHERE TO START WITH ALL THE THINGS THAT ARE WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?
lilah: 1. Jon =/= 5 yr old kid
cim: 2. polyamory yay?
lilah: 3. wife calls stephen
cim: LOL
lilah: 4. CUDDLING
cim: 5. STEPHEN KNOWS HOW TO PICK LOCKS.
cim: 6. platonic hair-kissing
lilah: 7. THREE-WAY CUDDLING
cim: öklasjdöfkljasd (lock picking note: he's like, Gimme a coathanger, and Jon's wife is like, lolwtf, and he's like, Ta-da! and she's like, omg u got skillz! and he's like, lol inorite just a little trick i lernd in collij)
lilah: threeway platonic hair kissing should be a genre in its own right y/y?
cim: -klvjfpåqklofe ok Y
lilah: LOL COAT HANGER
cimorene: A black-and-white vintage photograph of 1920s singer Helen Kane in profile, with a dubious, side-eye expression (Default)
Meanwhile... what the shit is up with CSI:NY and women? I linked to an article before about a trend in crime dramas of whomping the female stars, apparently (theoretically) to prevent them being too strong, to add interest by portraying their feminine emotional frailty in the face of trauma. CSI:NY started down this road last year when Stella had a stalker/domestic abuse problem. But they've gone way past that now, with a new plotline for Stella and a totally separate one for Lindsay as well.

Cut for vague/general season 2 & 3 spoilers, and also angry feminism. )
cimorene: A black-and-white vintage photograph of 1920s singer Helen Kane in profile, with a dubious, side-eye expression (snap)
cim: now bodie is daydreaming about fucking through an essential briefing about the fact that a safehouse was broken into on their watch, and their charge assassinated. omg, and he totally tuned out and missed a direct question and doyle had to kick him.
lilah: yeah, right.
cim: because bodie is a lameass teenager, not oh, a badass SECRET AGENT or anything...
lilah: and they call themselves the *professionals*?
cim: ...BURN.
cimorene: A black-and-white vintage photograph of 1920s singer Helen Kane in profile, with a dubious, side-eye expression (better living through orgasm)
cim: So. 3.7 and 4.5 were... there was an American phrase he'd heard once, 'asshole buddies.' They hid it well; neither of them seemed at all--well, gay, or effeminate, or whatever.
[livejournal.com profile] perhael: OMGGHGGGGGGGDBGFNKGMKNKJFFHSHDF
cim: ASSHOLE BUDDIES?

cim: it's american? i feel so culturally impoverished!
wax: *goes to the urban dictionary*

1.        Asshole buddies
       
During WW2, sex was hard to get, and masturbation and fellatio were totally unacceptable practices. But in a foxhole environment asshole buddies could sodomize each other, in turn, without problem, as long as it was kept on the down low.

I get along pretty good with Pvt X. We're asshole buddies.

I'll bet those guys are asshole buddies.



2.        asshole buddies
       
Pals, accused of being so close they have become fudge packers.

John Kerry and the Breck girl weren't exactly asshole buddies until Kerry bit his tongue and chose him for Veep.


okay, so, several things strike me about this.  like for instance:

1. ASSHOLE BUDDIES?
2. anal sex was more socially acceptable than masturbation?
3. ASSHOLE. BUDDIES.

cim: there should be like an ann taintor icon. a 50s guy making a thumb's-up, going, "WE'RE ASSHOLE BUDDIES!"
[livejournal.com profile] perhael: YES.
[livejournal.com profile] perhael: now i want icons with like, every otp i've ever had
[livejournal.com profile] perhael: with ASSHOLE BUDDIES on it!

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cimorene: A black-and-white vintage photograph of 1920s singer Helen Kane in profile, with a dubious, side-eye expression (Default)
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