AT LONG LAST. After not touching this story, or writing at all, really, since December, I suddenly completely finished it. Yay!

things to do in uzbekistan (≈8700 words)
Arashi RPS, Ohno Satoshi/Ninomiya Kazunari, crack "archaeology dig in Uzbekistan" au; inexplicit
for [ profile] aeslis and [ profile] elfiepike.
My interpretation of the fluff- and crack-filled origin of Ohmiya SK story made up by Ohno and Nino themselves in this interview.
unrelated and pointless snippets by cimorene
arashi rps, ohno satoshi/ninomiya kazunari, pg

1. public displays of affection, 126 words )

2. matching shoes, 131 words )

3. hands, 443 words )

4. grouchy nino, 325 words )

5. shopping for ohno, 546 words )

unrelated and pointless snippets by cimorene
arashi rps, ohno satoshi/ninomiya kazunari, pg; #8 suggests aiba masaki/matsumoto jun, also pg

6. dreaming, 384 words )

7. somehow i doubt it, 123 words )

8. spit or swallow, 417 words )

9. to be expected, 561 words )

10. winter sunlight, 277 words )

unrelated and pointless ficlets by cimorene
arashi rps: matsumoto jun /aiba masaki and ohno satoshi/ninomiya kazunari; #12 is sho & aiba bff with the jun/aiba only implied.

11. algebra, 135 words )

12. flowchart, 810 words )

13. aiba's diner, 811 words )

14. learning spanish, 333 words )

15. secret, 673 words )
i wrote this months ago, seriously, but it got too long to be posted together with four other pointless vignettes and then i keep forgetting to post the damn thing. oops.

in the lead (≈1100 words), ohmiya; TOTAL AND COMPLETE CRACK from a series of chats with [ profile] elfiepike. this belongs to what she delightfully dubbed the "shotgun wedding" verse, inspired by this stuff from the kansha kangeki ame arashi video, in which ohmiya... had a shotgun wedding. in a field. and then some more weddings.

"hey, why is everyone else rowing, but ohno's hiding behind his boyfriend at the end of the boat?"
"let them snuggle for a while. he'll get his turn to row and also to make hideous grimaces of reluctance and exhaustion later!"

the problem with watching arashi only irregularly, besides the markedly decreasing levels of crack and sparkly gayness in my life, is that ohmiya don't actually cuddle in every episode so i start running short on ohmiya-specific caps.

  • jurisimprudence for feminism. ahahha.

  • this article co-written by a swedish-speaking finn and an irish dude is showing signs to me both of having been translated from swedish (at times) and of the english having been composed by an irish person (at times). i wouldn't have recognised the latter before since it's not like it sounds like the lucky charms leprechaun, but thanks to betaing for [ profile] kessie my ear (...reading ear) was (without my knowledge!) primed for recognition. i mean, i had no idea before i started reading this paper that she sounded irish, but i definitely keep thinking that the writer sounds a bit like her. now i want to go to ireland and listen to some people talk. ;.;

  • "~" is not a punctuation mark in english. kill it. with fire.

  • yesterday a guy asked me if i thought that harvard had a sociology department. XD (um, yes.)

  • lily just rolled over in her sleep and almost fell headfirst into the trashcan, which seems to be conclusive proof that the world is a wonderful place. or maybe that would only be conclusive if she actually had fallen?

  • jun in a barbie pink and purple abba shirt might just be the essence of gay. actually it says 'gabba', but i'm going to write that up to a conspiracy of fiendishly clever and post-modern japanese tshirt makers and leave it at that. or maybe it was the work of evil!genius!aiba

  • ohmiya daily: ohno falling asleep during the first boating episode )

this isn't actually the original cap which [ profile] elfiepike first described to me as Shotgun Wedding (obviously, sho officiates.), but it's the same scene and it also involves snuggling and hand-holding. in a field. in unattractive sweaters. oh shotgun wedding! how you remain one of my favourite crack aus despite the proliferation of such wonders as sheikhs, transformed kittens, slaves, bakeries, kinky sex, slash bnfs, wingfic, peach farmers, and evil geniuses. ♥

apparently arashi's concert in korea was exciting for more than one reason: "i didn't play with captain but was working hard during rehearsals!" XD what, for once? oh, nino.

cim: i want a parody of a mago where they ask the grandparents if they had any nicknames for each other, and the grandparents are like, "no, people didn't use nicknames back in those days, you just didn't do that!" so they're like, "well, okay, but what did you think, the first time you talked?" and the grandma is like "talked? no no no. no, we never talked. you didn't talk before marriage back then." and then the grandfather can break in and be like "actually we only exchanged three words the whole first year we were married." and the grandma's like "yeah, that's right. for a long time i thought he was a mute."
aes: *facepalm* poor boys. they have to teach romance!
cim: so then they'd be all, "grandpa, listen, i was talking to grandma, and she said she's never exchanged more than two sentences at a time with you, and that you don't like to use complete sentences. so i was thinking, grandma, you know, she would really like if you had a whole. you know. conversation with her."
aes: AHAHAHAH.  they're so ....  gentle about it. XD

ohno frequently has to break out the cuddling and murmuring to get nino to go along with his sentimental plans for the grandparents, which usually involve the grandpa not having given the grandma a present in thirty years of marriage or something like that (if you believe these old couples most of them have never kissed, been on a date or exchanged presents in however many decades. either they're lying or old japanese people are romantically retarded, or a mixture of the two). in this case the grandpa made a strawberry dessert thingamajig for her and wrote a little message on it. i think ohmiya were moved. and nino was in top form needling ohno all day and calling him sammy. ♥

for today's side-dishes, see jun's umai face, sho's manly and heterosexual crystal disco ball necklace, and jun's shockingly appropriate coveralls which read "I LOVE MARINE". ohhhho, i just bet you do, jun.

nino is interposing his body between his mate and danger! because ohno said that a funny-looking fisheye camera picture of the guest host was cute and sho was smacking him on the head. there's a ton of jun/aiba in this episode too, but then it turned out i was too lazy to make picspam just at this moment. maybe later.

oddly enough, the cutest part of this scene isn't ohmiya. partially it's the way sho starts trying to leap out of his chair to cheer and aiba backs him up by cupping his hands around his mouth and yelling and stomping, while jun first golf-claps and then just sits there with his hands on his knee looking like "oh god, i'm surrounded by morons". and also ohno competes (solo!) for cutest thing title with a series of little faces: "moi?", "facepalm!" and "ta-da!"

i wanted to write today. besides waking up and discovering my keyboard broken, which necessitates also replacing my BELOVED cordless mouse since it connects through the keyboard, i didn't get to because the brother-outlaw and carmela were here most of the day. then we went out to eat and bought kiss kiss bang bang (almost as good as i ♥ huckabees - otherwise would've been the best film of last year, no question) and tried to buy me a winter coat. the latter part of the operation a) failed miserably, b) killed a little part of my soul, and c) gave me a giant panic/misery/petulance attack. it was cold and time-consuming and hell and i still don't have a coat and the stores are closed tomorrow because the state church of finland arbitrarily declared it to be halloween, even though it totally isn't.

i'm pretty sure ohmiya are eating satsumas, which is what i wish i were doing1. well, they're not eating them yet, but i can't imagine they can hold out long in the face of temptation like that, because seriously, satsumas. they're as irresistable as arashi. more! as irresistable as nino apparently finds ohno, since he can never seem to keep his hands to himself even for, like, one full minute of shared screen-time.

in real life news: i was misinformed that carmela would be coming over this afternoon, but it was just as well, because that led to me cleaning kind of a lot, and i feel pretty awesome. it's so nice to have everything looking neat and under control, and that new vacuum really really works. (it was almost sexy. corner attachments, omg!) the only not-bright spot in existence at this moment is how i desperately need the liner notes of this cd scanned.

1. because as previously mentioned, those things are tastier than candy. i keep buying like twenty of them at a time. it's never enough. maybe i'll buy 40 next time - it's probably still under €5.

lilah: maybe ice cream really is the cure for everything!
cim: and arashi can't hurt!
lilah: no, indeed! arashi + ice cream = ULTIMATE CURE
cim: oh no. and when you put it like that i'm like - arashi eating icecream? arashi in an icecream bath? arashi eating icecream underwater? arashi making icecream with a troupe of midgets while dressed in military uniforms? arashi eating icecream out of each others' hands? ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.
lilah: cim, i'm afraid your brain has been japanified. don't worry, it's not lethal-- you'll just see crack *everywhere*.
cim: well, i don't literally *hallucinate* these things.
lilah: oh, well, that's too bad!
cim: although i have to admit, my life might be a lot more fun if i did.
lilah: yeah, exactly.


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October 2015


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