cimorene: A black-and-white vintage photograph of 1920s singer Helen Kane in profile, with a dubious, side-eye expression (arrrgh brains)
Watched Spaceballs last night and was totally in the mood for a Mel Brooks fest. I brought Robin Hood: Men in Tights, but a rant about Bill Pullman on Wax's part captured her brother's attention, leading to Brother Windows, his bff Thos, and Wax anxious to watch something horror.

It's not just that I was very much in the mood for comedy, as that I actually hate the horror genre. I've watched humorous examples of it that I enjoyed, but I am annoyed and bored by its conventions, its storylines, and its underlying messages, as well as disgusted by its imagery.

After 10 minutes' uncomfortable indecision, Friday I caved to watching Doomsday, a horror/action piece, post-apocalypse, diseases, blah blah blah, on the grounds that it was absolutely hilarious how many other movies it borrowed from. It did contain a hot female lead, but mostly, I hated it, and was bored and uncomprehending of all the parts that Wax and her brother loved because of having never seen (and having negative desire to see) the other post-apocalyptic movies it referenced. There was a huge portion that was ripped off from The Lord of the Rings, but this didn't delight me the way it delighted them.

So then last night after Spaceballs was over, everyone wanted to watch some horror movie (After I put my foot down with "I HATE HORROR" Wax tried, "But it's got Bill Pullman, so he's funny whenever he's there even if he isn't being funny"), but when I insisted, we finally settled on Brazil. I was reluctant because my impression from The Brothers Grimm was that I probably hate Terry Gilliam's work in general and was unlikely to enjoy any movie he made, but on the other hand, I've been hearing about Brazil's seminal place in the SF canon for years, so at least I'd be able to say that I'd seen it. Plus, I remember my parents said that they liked it.

Well, Brazil felt like about five hours of pretentious, disjointed paranoid fantasy. On the plus side, Jonathan Pryce and Michael Palin were there and the visual design was interesting and clearly of historical import, while some of the dialogue was quite snappy, no doubt due to Tom Stoppard's co-writing. Also, I can say that I've seen it. On the minus side, I really hate Terry Gilliam's work, and spent most of the movie internally debating whether to leave the movie and go out into the livingroom and sleep on the couch (but didn't because it would probably have been too cold out there). If Brazil were a work of fanfiction, despite its points of interest, I would not bookmark it on delicious, because it left me vibrating with annoyance.

And in future, I will remember not to go anywhere without a book and an extra blanket.

Tragically, even though the first part of the evening combined Spaceballs with a really good red wine, most of the awesome quotes were overwhelmed afterwards by the state of Vibrating with Annoyance induced by Terry Gilliam. I'll have to borrow it and watch it again sometime.
cimorene: A black-and-white vintage photograph of 1920s singer Helen Kane in profile, with a dubious, side-eye expression (WHAT?)
In the middle of an ass-long author's note, and constituting not even half of its length, I found this:

Also, Fangirl X , you are awesome bb, and the angst from your stories inspires. I read everything you've written so far, but am truly unable to come up with a adequate response that I feel you deserve, so I will be commenting on those soon.


Is it just me, fellow embarrassment squick sufferers, or is this horrifyingly embarrassing to read as well as a general author's note fail for tl;dr and tackiness? On the one hand, as usual when a badthor names Fangirl X as inspiration, I'm thinking, "Oh, thanks a lot, Fangirl X! Without your 'inspiration' I might not now be reaching for the eye/brain bleach!"; but on the other hand, I kind of feel for Fangirl X, too, because on the off chance that she has any sensibilities she probably won't appreciate this bizarrely public form of communication.
cimorene: A black-and-white vintage photograph of 1920s singer Helen Kane in profile, with a dubious, side-eye expression (shoes)
I am a shoe addict who's deeply ambivalent about gender-normative clothing (I get angry about pink items for little girls) and especially shoes. In many ways, the high heeled shoe is the strongest surviving relic of an age where all women's clothing was prescribed by men to impair their freedom of movement, and its reign in Western culture is practically uncontested at this point, even though practical shoes have infiltrated from the bottom up (I say 'reign' because at the upper end of social occasions, heels are still considered largely de rigeur). Stilettos and/or platforms for women survive in almost every subculture; the most-celebrated women's shoes in pop culture, Jimmy Choos and Louboutins, are primarily separated from the most misogynistically derided streetwalker shoes by the fact that you can tell by looking at them that they cost a lot more. This is the source of my sneaker of the day posts: I'm a sneaker advocate. I wear them almost every day myself, and I think women in general should expand the situations when we wear them. (KStew wore them on the red carpet. I'd like to see more of that.) (Although I'm also pro-boot and -ballet-flat.)

I had the horrible experience of seeing Tim Gunn pushing a pair of gold lamé platform stiletto sandals on Tim Gunn's Guide to Style for a 5'11" female veterinarian who wanted help to dress in a professional adult manner in clothes that actually fit her despite her height and Jack Skellington build. There was nothing professional or dignified about those shoes. Their fashion message was entirely confined to the realms of sex and conspicuous consumption ("I'm expensive! Fuck me!"). I find the silhouette of platform stilettos ugly anyway, and the idea of them being used to teach someone to "walk properly" and have better posture? I'm sorry, but the ways in which heels alter the posture - adding unnatural curvature to the spine (not to mention deforming the foot) - are well known to medicine. And that's the lower part of the spine, dude. They don't prevent you from hunching your shoulders, they just make your ass stick out.

And then Tim introduces a guest whom he's called to teach her to walk in them, and it's... Tyrese. A MALE supermodel. "Who better than a supermodel?" says Tim.

I DON'T KNOW, TIM. WHO BETTER THAN A MAN TO TEACH A WOMAN HOW TO WALK IN STILETTOS?

I mean, if we were talking Miss Jay from America's Next Top Model, I could go with it; he wears stilettos when giving lessons, at least, and there's no pretense on ANTM that the world of the supermodel is like "real life" for, oh, for example, a workaholic VETERINARIAN.

Note that I don't expect Tim to push flats. He, like so many gay men, is a devotee of women's fashion as an institution and of performative femininity, and in addition, he hates casual clothing. Obviously he's going to prefer heels, but the focus of his show is eminently practical and focused usually on the actual life circumstances of the professional urban women he makes over, so usually the shoes represented are the kind of thing that sophisticated professionals actually wear. And they usually have more class than gold lamé platform stilettos.
cimorene: A black-and-white vintage photograph of 1920s singer Helen Kane in profile, with a dubious, side-eye expression (Default)
Gay rights activists and gay people are pissed off - or would a better term be 'smacked in the face' - by Obama's choice of evangelical Christian minister Rick Warren, a leader of the Yes on Proposition 8 campaign, to speak at his inauguration. [livejournal.com profile] darkrosetiger points out that the Yes-on-8 crowd have gone beyond previous levels of hate by asking the CA Supreme Court to nullify all previously performed same-sex marriages now. Obama and other democrats are defending his need to conciliate the Christian right and even defending his choice, who is not crazy on economic issues and has worked with Obama before on AIDS.

Oh really? Fuck that.

Honestly, I don't and didn't expect great strides in gay rights in the US within his term of office, really. It's coming, but it's obviously coming a bit slowly there.

But I still remember my joy and hope on election day - the hope that was reborn in so many people's hearts, people who were too shocked to respond emotionally because they, we, had given up on the US political process. And I respect Obama. He's the real deal, more genuine, more idealistic, than any other leader to come up through the Democratic party in a long time. I was enjoying that hope, you fucktards.

So thank you, Obama. Thank you for spitting in the faces of the LGBT constituency who overwhelmingly supported you and stomping on the tiny bit of hope that we might have dared to have for ourselves. Thanks for reminding us that being second-class citizens in most of the country might be the biggest social issue on our minds right now, might be consuming our thoughts again and again, but that it's so vanishingly small to you that you can fucking well forget it in a symbolic gesture of compromise, and thanks for doing all of that before your term of office even begins.

Soooo I'll just be staying here in Finland for a bit longer then. Like... probably forever.

snug as a

12 Dec 2008 04:42 pm
cimorene: A black-and-white vintage photograph of 1920s singer Helen Kane in profile, with a dubious, side-eye expression (i kind of dig this)


The Crazy Bed featuring the Crazy in the wool mini-blanket and Crazy Bed liner I crocheted for her. She digs.

Yuletide: FINISHED! In beta. So now I just have to write the two Just Like Epic 'Verse vignettes that I promised (...betted?) [livejournal.com profile] aeslis I would finish by the end of the year.

Odd: When you see your own fic on delicious and almost click on it before you remember you wrote it. This wouldn't happen if everyone put author names in their bookmarks, people. >| PS: I see misspelled titles on delicious all the time. And, you know,... why? The functions you want are called copy and paste and can be found in your right-click menu.
cimorene: A black-and-white vintage photograph of 1920s singer Helen Kane in profile, with a dubious, side-eye expression (dragon)
Dear Fandom,

If a story contains mutual orgasms or even mutual kissing, it is neither "preslash" NOR "UST". PRE means BEFORE. "U" stands for UNRESOLVED.

Regards,
Cim
cimorene: A black-and-white vintage photograph of 1920s singer Helen Kane in profile, with a dubious, side-eye expression (arrrgh brains)
Dear Badthor,

The word "holiday" is just a noun, not the name of a religious holiday, and should not be capitalised except within a title or on a holiday card.

WRONG: "I'll try to make it home for the Holidays."
RIGHT: "I'll try to make it home for Rosh Hashannah"/ "I'll try to make it home for the holidays."
RIGHT: Happy Holidays! HAPPY HOLIDAYS! (you can capitalise your holiday card text however you like)
WRONG: hApPY hOlIdAys! (except like that)


No LoVe Love love,
Cim



Dear Plebe,

A "wall" is a dividing structure. That paper that you glue all over it is called "wallpaper", and so are large images intended to be used as backgrounds on your computer sometimes (get it? it's an analogy!). We would have called those images "wall" except when they were handing out terms, we discovered that one was already taken and meant something completely different!

More irritation than you can probably comprehend,
Cim



Dear non-native speakers,

Those prepositions can really be a bitch. I know, right? Different verbs take different ones with absolutely no logic to it, really! You just have to learn them by rote, basically. Your ear can't tell you shit. That's why you should get a beta reader - one who knows what they're doing. Oh, and you should probably get them to beta the headers too. I can't be the only one who back-buttons if the headers are full of mistakes.

Love,
Cim


Dear betas of non-native speakers:

Ha, ha. Very funny. Now tell them the RIGHT way.

No love,
Cim
cimorene: A black-and-white vintage photograph of 1920s singer Helen Kane in profile, with a dubious, side-eye expression (batman)
I signed up for 11 fandoms for Yuletide and somehow forgot The Dark Knight. But I suppose it might possibly be just as well since I have more than ten thousand words of an unfinished TDK story on my harddrive already...

In retrospect it was probably correct to remove Criminal Minds from Yuletide - a glance at the newsletter will show you that it's quite active, but the problem is that it's not active with good fic. I've only read two or three pieces that I could even call decent, so every Yuletide always greatly increased the chances for something readable out there. The fandom used to be dominated by Gideon/Reid, which grossed me out because G. practically adopted him in canon, but at least I could see the logic for that. Recently, however, Hotch/Reid has outstripped Morgan/Garcia in popularity, and that just makes no sense at all. What makes even less sense is that by far the most popular pairing is Prentiss/JJ, which just... you know, ok, lesbian is good, but even before JJ's boyfriend, there was barely a few minutes of female bonding between the two of them - the entire rationale was apparently that they're cute and female! If anything JJ should have been slashed with Garcia, hello? And it's not like anyone who would slash JJ with Prentiss is susceptible enough to logic to consider Garcia's Mulder/Scully thing with Morgan. Which, you know, I haven't disinherited anyone for shipping Morgan/Reid either, and the fact that it's not all that popular helps with that, and also the fact that canon obviously doesn't intend to do anything with Morgan/Garcia except keep the UST at the same level for seasons and seasons and seasons without ever resolving it. I can't even say that's a bad decision on their part. Anyway, Morgan and Garcia are both obviously going to be hooking up with other people in that time, and while we as fans have access to the metatext, as long as we're going against it consciously there's nothing particularly wrong with going against it (which is why tinhat Harry/Hermione shippers are alarming, whereas reasonable people who are just like 'hey, H/H might have been a better choice because Ron is a moron' are... reasonable!). Of course, preferring Morgan/Reid to Morgan/Garcia is indicative of bad taste by my lights, but I don't have to read it, and I've known worse. Wax's mom serves two kinds of gross pickled fish things AND these disgusting jars of mutton rolled up with fat, like a big Twinkie of Evil and Animal Bits, at every single Christmas, and that's in a hundred times worse taste than Morgan/Reid.

I still think they should remove Sherlock Holmes from Yuletide too, though. I mean, the quality of Yuletide writing is generally higher, so it's good for me personally that it's there, but in all fairness, the lj community has been increasingly active the last couple of years and it's pretty steadily healthful at this point.

PSA

30 Oct 2008 08:28 pm
cimorene: A black-and-white vintage photograph of 1920s singer Helen Kane in profile, with a dubious, side-eye expression (jeeves/wooster)
If you use a semi-colon incorrectly where there should have been a comma I will immediately back-button even if your story has been so far literate, even if it is not actually bad, and even though if in the same place you were meant to use a semi-colon and instead spliced a comma I would let it slide.

I can ride with the idea that semi-colons, belonging entirely to the realm of written language, are simply foreign to some people and that they are ignorant of them or have given up on them, and in a way I can respect that; after all, a brilliantly gifted storyteller and orator could (theoretically) be ignorant of semi-colons since they don't affect composition, which makes them, in a certain sense... decorative.

But if you're going to go for the semi-colon, okay, if you're going to attempt it, you'd better damn well have it down. If you're not sure, just forget it. Use a period or a comma or a rephrase or... you know. Get by. For the love of little green boxes, why would you make the semi-colon a regular part of your usage if you don't know how to use it? It's not like it's all that difficult. It shouldn't be possible to read and write it as a matter of course and remain ignorant or confused. This isn't Fizzbin. It isn't brain surgery. The rules don't change according to the time of month. They're actually somewhat flexible. They just don't allow, for example, a semi-colon to separate a noun from the gerund phrase (or any adjectival phrase) modifying it. As an orator, you'd lead people to believe you had forgotten your lines or had an itch in your throat if you added a semi-colon-weight pause in such a location, too.

Look at it this way: it's better to cannonball into the pool than to attempt a jack-knife dive and splat on your face.
cimorene: A black-and-white vintage photograph of 1920s singer Helen Kane in profile, with a dubious, side-eye expression (Default)
For the love of little green boxes, will SOMEONE call an emergency meeting of the NCIS fandom to explain how to use apostrophes for possession on nouns ending in 's'?

If I never read in another fandom with a main character's name ending in 's' it will be too fucking soon.
cimorene: A black-and-white vintage photograph of 1920s singer Helen Kane in profile, with a dubious, side-eye expression (godlike)
It shouldn't have to be said, but unless you are a lolcat:

SINGULAR SUBJECT, SINGULAR VERB. PLURAL SUBJECT, PLURAL VERB.

...And if you are a lolcat, you should not be translatin at all.
cimorene: A black-and-white vintage photograph of 1920s singer Helen Kane in profile, with a dubious, side-eye expression (bang)
Dear Mediocre Translator,

You may not be as stupid as the Moron Translator, but you're still a moron. Yes, I am aware that "schema" is the Norwegian word for "form" and that there is an apparent cognate with the English "scheme". In fact, they definitely have an etymological relationship. A historical one. After three hundred pages, I'd expect you to realise that they're talking about forms and not schemes in this document, if you had even the vaguest concept of the usage of either of these terms in English, especially since the the entire point of the whole thing is about form software. But I could perhaps have guessed that you were fooled by the false cognate and did not know the word "form" at all, except for the fact that for the first two hundred pages, you used the word with no problem.

So why have you started adding "scheme" in parentheses or with a slash after every occurrence of the word "form", which is usually more than once PER SENTENCE? Even if you could have forgotten already about the word you apparently knew oh, sixty pages ago, the translation memory didn't forget! It knows! And I know you were using it. So what gives, Mediocre Translator? Why did you suddenly start to ignore your own English knowledge and the translation software? Are you a prey to sudden doubts, and if so, why didn't you assuage them by checking Google before committing to the no doubt four hours or so of time you spent typing "/scheme" and "scheme set" alone? Tell me the truth, Mediocre Translator. It's not like my murderous rage could be decreased by your lying. Was it brain damage? Have you recently been dropped on your head? Were you, perhaps, high while translating? Or did you hire a homeless person who was blind and/or a speaker of neither Norwegian nor English to complete the translation for you? Did you resort to Babelfish? Or was it in fact, as I suspect, just to piss me off?

No love at all, and with every desire of locking you in a dark, cramped cupboard suffused with a disgusting odour for a while as punishment,
Cim
cimorene: A black-and-white vintage photograph of 1920s singer Helen Kane in profile, with a dubious, side-eye expression (stfu)
A job requiring Microsoft software be used is like an employer refusing to hire you unless you ride to work everyday on a motorcycle that is prone to exploding driven by a crazy person who is prone to kidnapping you without warning and leaving you in distant places, as well as to stealing your stuff.

("Ow! Where am I? Dammit, now I'm going to be three days late to work again and - where's my briefcase?! I'll have to start over from scratch on the file he stole. Also my head hurts!")
cimorene: A black-and-white vintage photograph of 1920s singer Helen Kane in profile, with a dubious, side-eye expression (wicked)
I'm a little baffled by serial posting of works in progress. I mean, I think I know the main reasons people post that way, and I can think of some others; I just can't relate personally to them, because my inner drive to finish things (definitely before exposing them to other people) is so strong, and I don't really like reading unfinished things either unless I'm either desperate, or completely without emotional investment in the outcome. Even in the world of wips, though, I find myself confused by the ones with really short installments. I can sort of see why someone who doesn't write longer things naturally would think that between every scene was a natural place to break the story (I think they're wrong), but if that scene's barely a few hundred words? It doesn't duplicate the feel of a chapter that they must be used to from novels. I've been reading wips lately (mainly through boredom) where the length of the chapters, on film, would be roughly equivalent to the length of the teaser scene at the beginning of a tv show, before the opening credits roll. Which is just silly, and exasperating even with no emotional investment, because you're left thinking, "And...?"
cimorene: (gr arg)
So, I've been reading Iron Man fiction through the delicious tags. And I stumbled on the existence of some fiction described as "Tony/Pepper slash" (what?)... where Pepper is played by Shia LaBeouf. The problem with that is that she's already played by Gwyneth Paltrow. The basic concept was discomfiting and somewhat annoying - faint whiffs of misogyny in the air, or am I just imagining that? As someone used to living in fandom, and reading lots of slash fiction, I have become familiar with the get-rid-of-the-icky-girls attitude towards canon women who are thought to get in the way of the slash (although it sometimes applies, with even more virulent hatred, even when in canon they were simply potentially in the way - when their offence, in essence, was in existing at all). But hey, I said to myself. Maybe it's just someone with a jones for weird AUs. Maybe accidentally getting rid of the only female character was a side-effect. I scrolled on.

But then today I accidentally clicked on one of them. this begins with the cheery injunction, "See this post for reasons why Shia LaBeouf is 893523524968x better as Pepper Potts than that Paltrow woman. With pictures!" Okay, is anyone else getting pissed off? I ordered a cup of tea to go with my misogyny and clicked. After all, there's no chance that it's not misogynistic, but there is the chance that they at least have some reasons, right?

Silly me. Wrong! All the reasons why LaBeouf is "better" in the part of Iron Man's PA than Paltrow... are pictures. Except the first one, which gobsmacked me into incoherent rage with the apparently wholly unself-aware declaration, "You know what gets rid of misogyny? Getting rid of women."

I'm sorry... WHAT?

Try making Iron Man played by Michelle Rodriguez. That would get rid of misogyny (or at least some of it), provided it wasn't done the same way DC and Marvel historically handle female heroes. Getting rid of the sole female character, even if she weren't in the least intelligent or interesting, would not do anything like getting rid of misogyny. You know who else has had ideas about getting rid of women?

  • the military!

  • the Shakers!

  • various sports organisations!

  • those little boys who throw things at you and call you names from their clubhouse which is adorned with the sign reading "NO GIRLS ALOUD"!

  • the governments of various countries!

  • the Catholic church, and following their sterling example, a lot of other churches as well!

  • the business world! They made the model efficient by installing a contraption known as "The Glass Ceiling"!

  • the Good Ol' Boys Leagues that work by secret handshakes and nepotism to give men jobs!

  • Gentlemen's Clubs, some of which offer cigars and some of which offer the sexual favours of prostitutes who may or may not have been the victims of human traffic!


Need I go on? Getting rid of women doesn't get rid of misogyny - it allows it to flourish; it allows women to be more expediently devalued and dehumanised. All getting rid of women does is postpone the heterosexual sexual encounters until such time as the misogynists who are not gay leave the No Girls Aloud zone.

diedieDIE

16 Jun 2008 03:04 am
cimorene: A black-and-white vintage photograph of 1920s singer Helen Kane in profile, with a dubious, side-eye expression (bang)
Trying to get information from a website that has anything to do with the Finnish government is like trying to squeeze lemon juice from a rock. With one hand. While holding the other hand in a tub of boiling oil. And breathing inside a plastic bag. And standing barefoot in dogshit. And listening to pop country music really, really loud.

Also, it's dawn, and after hours and, like, all day at the computer, I still don't know if one of the programs I was looking for (I spent at least three hours just trying to find out what the name of it was, and then kept thinking I was Wrong because pages of results would come up referring only to Sweden, even if I put 'Finland' in the search terms) even exists in this city. I found out that another does (restoration! Which is for furniture and houses and sounds like the COOLEST THING to me!), but I don't think it counts because it wasn't what I started trying to find out in the first place. Also, I've managed to confirm with 100% certainty that the information I want doesn't exist on the internet. Apparently you have to walk there in person and ask for it on paper. (In 2003, the same was true of the University of Turku, which is pretty big. You'd think the most cell phone-saturated country in the world would be a little more networked.)
cimorene: A black-and-white vintage photograph of 1920s singer Helen Kane in profile, with a dubious, side-eye expression (dangerous)
Since I discovered the giant size of the danishes, cinnamon rolls and other pastries sold at Café Brahe, it's become my new favourite place. Not to mention it's on Universitetsgatan with a shaded terrace, which is a more convenient downtown location than Robert's Coffee (although that's still convenient if you're going to the movies of course).

Anyway, so today Wax and I had a couple of errands to discharge and we stopped for some juice and pastry there, and unwisely also ordered a tomato and mozzarella sandwich. "Unwisely?" you ask. "How could purchasing something as universally scrumptious as the combination of tomato and mozzarella be unwise?"

Well, I'll tell you.

On a baguette lies a row of tomatoes and a row of mozzarella slices with whole leaves of fresh basil, drizzled with just enough pine nut pesto. And horseradish. And mayonnaise.

Yes. Horseradish and mayonnaise.

Why, for the love of red shoes, why?

Who the hell looks at a perfectly sublime, already-scrumptious pile of mozzarella, tomatoes, basil, and pesto, and goes, "Oh, what this needs is some MAYO and HORSERADISH." And for that matter, how the hell did they manage to miss the fact that the sandwich is essentially Italian food? And already fitted with an appropriately Italian condiment (PESTO), and thus not in need of any revolting, dairy-containing, white-bread slathering WASP condiments like mayo?

I don't even know how to mock the choice of horseradish - I'm not even aware of any legitimate uses for it off the Passover table, where it is used because it's the most bitter, digusting food imaginable and thus thought to be appropriate to represent the bitterness of slavery. ("Oh, yes! What this lovely Italian sandwich needs is some of the bitter savour of slavery!")
cimorene: A black-and-white vintage photograph of 1920s singer Helen Kane in profile, with a dubious, side-eye expression (Default)
Fic peeves: you know how most people look sort of normal? Of course there's a bell-curve of normal, and movie stars don't map out along the bell curve and tv stars don't either. Some shows are eerie to watch because everyone's really attractive.

But: blockbuster movies do that more than your average weekly primetime show. I mean, yeah, Emily Deschanel and all the women on the CSIs and all the women in the Stargate shows are... pretty hot. But nobody's perfect even so, and there's a wide sample of dudes on tv who are downright funny-looking.

Even when you're in love with someone, and are perfectly convinced that their crooked little nose or their funny lantern-jaw are perfect and would be inferior if they looked more average, you are not under the illusion that these things are perfect. And especially if they're pudgy you're unlikely to think their abdomens look like a washboard, okay.

It's not an insult to say that Blair Sandburg, Duncan MacLeod and Methos, Bodie and Doyle, Starsky and Hutch, etc look knobbly, lopsided, dopey, unibrowed, soft around the middle, or a bit cross-eyed if it's true and it certainly doesn't mean they're not slashy. I mean, it's not like people from all along the bell curve don't fall in love and hook up and have all sorts of sexual preferences!

So, you know, it really, severely throws me out of a story if a pov character who doesn't seem to be unreliable in other aspects, and has a firm grip on reality, suddenly starts saying that someone's hairless when they're hairy, tall when they're average, flawlessly or classically handsome when they're squinty and lopsided or knobbly or hawk-nosed or unibrowed (they might be extraordinarily handsome, of course. Just not classically or flawlessly so), or amber-eyed when their eyes are incontrovertibly green or hazel, or green-eyed when their eyes are brown, or golden-haired when they're a brunette, or milky-pale when they're kind of pleasantly tanned and olive.

I mean, you're not blind, and your readers aren't either. If you have to recast the show in your head, or airbrush the hell out of everything like stretchmarks and love handles on a swimsuit model, before you can get off on the characters getting off - well, okay. I think it's sad, but I can't do anything about it. But what in Bob's name makes you think it's a good idea to change random easily observable visual facts about canon in your fanfiction?
cimorene: A black-and-white vintage photograph of 1920s singer Helen Kane in profile, with a dubious, side-eye expression (writing)
I've been mulling over what to write, despite the fact that I haven't written anything since last December, I think. I've got two half-finished novels on my hands, one unwritten novel, and one novel in desperate need of revision. I'm thinking of finishing up the SGA one or changing all the names in the other one, since it's pretty much an original novel anyway, but it's hard to see how to categorise the high fantasy gay teen romance it then turns into.

My dad wants me to try to revise the managerslash novel I wrote in 2004 and sell it because he operates from the theory that no sale is a bad sale (which is easy to say when you keep publishing in Asimov's, but although I had a lot of fun with the managerslash, I don't expect to gain a lot of acclaim or even, quite likely, any money from it; besides which it will take a near-total rewrite before I'm willing to risk it being put into print). I also actually have a somewhat developed YA idea that came to me a few months ago that doesn't have any gay sex whatsoever. The exciting part is that despite that fact, I'm still maintaining an intent to write it. We'll see about all that.

This leaves aside the other things I've been planning to get into, like another episode of the (Arashi) Just Like Verse, for one. That might make a good writing exercise to get back into the swing, since it's bound to be short. While I'm on the subject of the term "Verse", let me just add something. Let me add... A RANT ABOUT THE TERMS 'AU' AND 'VERSE'. )
cimorene: A black-and-white vintage photograph of 1920s singer Helen Kane in profile, with a dubious, side-eye expression (>:})
I never look at communities that are actually lamer than fandom secrets on purpose (rarely that either. ugh), so I only see the bandom secrets when my better less selective half is looking at them, but every time I do I get completely exasperated because there's nothing in there that qualifies as a secret, usually - barely even an unpopular opinion. "I don't like SOMEONE WHO I CAN'T NAME!" "I don't like the music!" "I like this writer no matter what people say!"

If you're afraid to express these opinions in your own journal even though you're positively burning to get them off your chest, then you probably a) are being irrational AND b) need to get new friends. To top off this remarkable failure to comprehend the concepts of "secret" and "rant", the comments are always full of people who fail even more spectacularly to comprehend and think the community is called Fandom Discussion or Fandom Debate or Fandom We All Are Entitled To Different Opinions And Can Agree To Just Get Along, Children. Oh wow! Really? Can we?

I was going to list some opinions which are totally not secrets but which would be misguidedly posted as them by the denizens of these communities by way of example, but a) I have mercifully blanked the exact style of many of them from my memory because the exposure wasn't too long and b) I can't be bothered right now; I'm going to walk the dog instead. It's not like I'm shy with my opinions anyway. If you don't know that I categorically loathe Frank/Bob and condemn its presence in fandom and all influences which spread it, for example, you don't know me. (I'm always judging! Fact #10 or so, or possibly more like #4?)

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cimorene: A black-and-white vintage photograph of 1920s singer Helen Kane in profile, with a dubious, side-eye expression (Default)
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