love for holls

[cimorene]

awwwwwwww, look what my holls made for me!!!

in our universe, the fellowship of the ring live in holls's apartment and my dorm room, except for boromir, who was turned into a squirrel (well. mostly), and with the addition of a skinny goth boy named psy and a curly-haired karate-instructor badass chick named sally. the closet is where legolas and gimli spend all their time.



Pippin: I'm bored, why can't we watch TV?
Holls: Because trash TV rots your brain
Merry: And I'm guessing everything but Simpsons is trash?
Holls: You forgot Futurama and Family Guy
Sally: Survivor is pretty trashy
Psy: No, Survivor doesnt count because Holls thinks one of them is hot
Holls: *blushes* Ummm yeah
Pippin: Well there has to be SOMETHING on thats not bad *reaches for tv*
Sally: *jumps up and grabs his wrist* Dont do it Pippin! You dont know how dangerous that shit is! *sits back down....on the remote!!*

((BRIGHT FLASH))

Audience: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
Holls: Oh BEEP!
Jerry: Welcome back to "Dysfunctional Households: Is There Anything Funnier?", we're here today with a group of misfits that have dubbed themselves as the GhettoHobbits.
Psy: *looks around* What the BEEP is going on?
Jerry: Shut up, its not your turn! *presses a button, giving Psy an electric shock*
Psy: Bahhh! *hair smokes*
Jerry: Now, Pippin is it? How are you?
Pippin: *confused* Ummmm, good?
Jerry: I hear that you're in a happy relationship, why dont you tell me about it?
Pippin: *still confused, shaky* Ummm, that's Merry *points to Merry, sitting beside him*
Jerry: And do you love him?
Pippin: Yes....*grabs Merrys hand*
Jerry: Even though he's your *dramatic pause* COUSIN?
Audience: GASP!!!! BOOOOOOooaaawwww, theyre still cute though!
Pippin: I don't really think about him being my cousin, just my best friend and, well, boyfriend..
Jerry: How about you Merry? Do you think about him being your cousin, and a MINOR??
Audience: GASP!!!! BBOOOOOOOOoooostill cute!
Fat Lady in Audience: You there! *points to Merry* You should be ashamed of yourself!
Merry: Why??
Fat Lady: Y'all can't keep it in your pants so you keep it in the family? And he's a MINOR?
Merry: You retard, minors are anyone younger than 33 for us hobbits!
Fat Lady: Don't you be calling me names Diddler! *gets her hands going* And I dont care WHAT you are that dont make it right so don't you be in my face!
Merry: Oh for BEEPs sakes....SHUT UP!
Fat Lady: *charges Merry*
Merry: BEEEEEP! *dives behind a chair*
Security: *grabs Fat Lady and tranquilizes her*
Jerry: Now, on with the show...Merry, Pippin....we have two surprise guests for you...
Pippin: Frodo and Sam???
Jerry: Uhhhh...yes....come out guys...
Frodo and Sam: *emerge from sidestage*
Audience: AWWWWWWW
Frodo: *smiles and waves*
Sam: *stares at tranquilized fat lady*
Jerry: Just have a seat guys, do you know why you're here?
Psy: So you can belittle their relationshi-AAAAHHHH! *is shocked again*
Frodo: I'm going to say to do whatever causes us not to be shocked.
Jerry: Good answer! Now Frodo, uhhhhmmm....we can't really dig up much dirt on the relationship between you and Sam...so..HEY! No making out on the stage unless you're cheating on him with someone else or really a woman!
Frodo: *stops*
Sam: *still paying most of his attention to the tranquilized fat lady*
Jerry: Okay, next on the dysfunctional list is Psymon, the adopted son of a wizard and an ancient evil, yet despite his obviously cool parents is still a skinny, bullied wuss who is afraid of the girl he has a crush on!
Psy: *covers his head* Please let me die
Jerry: No, youre the designated scapegoat/punching bag! You're only leaving here in tears!
Psy: *moans*
GhettoHobbit: Jerry: So how does it feel to be you?
Psy: Right now or in general?
Sally: Oh for fucks sakes, leave him alone!
Jerry: Why are you sticking up for him? Really? Whats the real reason?
Sally: Because he'll whine all night if you pick on him!!
Psy: *curls up in his chair, smacking his forehead off his knees*
Jerry: Well Psy, because I'm a totally insensitive ass, here's your real parents! *points to doorway, no one comes through* Oh wait, here's a note...they said that they never paid attention to you when you werent on tv and they arent starting now, hate, the people who had you
Psy: *falls out of the chair into the fetal position*
Sally: *pokes him with her foot*
Jerry: And here's Psy's more supportive, less mentally scarring parents.....GANDALF AND BALROG!
Audience: YAAAAAY!
Gandalf: *zaps section of crowd, turning them into emus*
Human Audience: *shuts up*
Emu Audience: *squawks and pecks humans*
Balrog: *picks up Psy and hugs him* dlkfjlskdjLK!LKjl!! lkjdljfsdlkjlsdkufls fjlsjdflkj!!
Gandalf: He says he BEEPing hates your BEEPing guts Springer
Jerry: Oh....so....uhmmm...nice....Balrog....*steps back*
Balrog: *snorts* lkdsjfsdjjfljd...beep...
Jerry: Moving on, how would you describe your relationship?
Gandalf: Sweet, loving, pornographic....*sighs*
Balrog: dlkdjjd...*kisses Gandalf*
Jerry: Isn't it true that Balrog is really an ancient evil made of fire and shadow?
Audience: *isnt making a damn noise*
Gandalf: Thats what makes our relationship so interesting!
Jerry: I'm not going to get you two to fight am I?
Gandalf: Do it and youre an emu
Jerry: Alright, moving on yet again...we come to another surprise guest to emotionally scar and embarass Psymon with...Aragorn! His other secret crush!!
Psy: *starts sucking his thumb*
Aragorn: *sits down beside Balrog* It really wasnt a secret....I kind of guessed....
Jerry: And how does that make you feel?
Aragorn: Well, I'm someone else's love slave right now, so I'm taken...happily though...*waves to camera* Hi Cim!
Audience: Awwwwwww, how cute!!! That wuss doesnt deserve him anyway!!!
Psy: *rocks back and forth* Worstdayoflifeworstdayoflifeworstdayoflife......EVER
Jerry: Now Sally, how are you today?
Sally: Embarassed to be on this damn show!!
Jerry: Ohhhkay....any secrets to share?
Sally: Yes, I want to rip your hair out and use it to paint my house!
Jerry: So you have agression problems...
Sally: ...and a black belt!
Jerry: Enough about that! Lets bring out your secret guest, he's less than a foot tall, speaks in chitters, and wants you dead...its SQUIRRELMIR!
Squirrelmir: *dives at Sally and bites her*
Sally: OW! MotherBEEPer! *picks him up, tosses him up, and punches him in midair, sending him flying*
Squirrelmir: *hits the wall, chitters, and runs back into the fight where he is kicked into a security guard*
Guard: Break it up you two! *grabs Squirrelmir and sits him down in the chair, flicking his forehead*
Jerry: Where does all this hatred come from between you?
Sally: He's an ugly ass squirrel that was hitting on Psy, so I hate him
Jerry: Would that be because of jealousy?
Sally: I think my house needs a nice coat of blue paint, HOW ABOUT YOU?
Jerry: Getting away from Sally entirely, forever, we go to Holls, a girl with a God complex. Now what is that stemmed from?
Holls: I guess its because I'm co-God of this metaverse...
Jerry: Interesting...what makes you think that?
Holls: *points at remaining human audience, turning them into cows*
Jerry: Lets start wrapping this up, I'm becoming frightened of these people...here's another set of guests...bring in the forklift!
Guard: *drives forklift carrying closet on it*
Closet: *thumps*
Holls: Wait, why is my BEEPing closet here???
Jerry: We couldn't persuade them to get out of it...and I'm an extreme bastard...
Closet: *thumps*
Jerry: Does the closet do much else?
Holls: Nnnnnope!
Audience: Mooooooo! (cow for Booo, but the hobbits are still cute)
Squirrelmir: *dives at Sally again and bites her*
Sally: You BEEPing little BEEPing piece of BEEP!! NOW YOU BEEPING DIE!!! *grabs Squirrelmir by the tail and swings him above her head, releasing him into a wall*
Jerry: On that note....its time for my final thought...people like the GhettoHobbits are freaks, FREAKS! Stay AWAY from them! I mean, I've seen some crazy people on this show, but LOOK AT THEM! *points to Pippin and Merry running away from emus, Sam and Frodo making out, Gandalf and Balrog snuggling, Psy curled up on the floor rocking and sucking his thumb with Aragorn patting his head, Sally and Squirrelmir fighting, Holls making the cows dance, and the closet rocking back and forth* I mean, this is the wierdest show I've ever had! And I've had cross dressing midgets into bestiality that cheated on each others goats!! I'm Jerry Springer, take care of yourself, and avoid these maniacs!! *is hit in head by Squirrelmir and knocked unconcious*