indeed. now that you say so, and i think about it, i can identify with that. i never used to be afraid of anger, because in my immediate family-of-birth yelling was a safe outlet. things usually got hashed out pretty fast. arguments ended with slammed doors and stamping, not violence, and were followed up by short periods of snippy sarcastic harping until the annoyed got over it. nobody took it personally, and after a bit we'd all laugh. suddenly, yelling is not safe! my partner takes even what i regard as the simplest (and most relaxed and fun!) verbal fencing personally and gets hurt, then withdrawn. luckily for me, she doesn't hold a grudge. forget raised voices, because hiding is how she reacts to her anger AND to other people's.