![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Entry tags:
bad epithets
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif){kind=small}
aeslis and i were just discussing why i call phrases such as "the other man" and "the green-eyed boy" epithets (or, if i speak about them with their own epithet intact, "bad epithets". it pretty much covers all of them). she hypothesised that it was for a "cim-like reason", which i denied - it has a perfectly logical basis in the analysis of epic poetry! and then, just now, i discovered (look, aes!) the origin of my habit.why are epithets bad all the time?
because they're unnecessary. they aren't unnecessary as in gratifying, the way the cherry on a sundae is unnecessary; they're unnecessary as in gratuitous, the way it is unnecessary to devote an early paragraph of your story to clumsily expositing the whole of canon, or to search out "substitutes" for the verb "to say" such as "questioned" (which means to doubt, not to pose a question, but that's a rant for another day). it looks ridiculous; it causes your readers to cringe in embarrassment on your behalf. you should never do it. not even "the man". no, not even "the blond". not even "his lover". especially not "his lover". if you don't believe me, allow me to assure you that you will understand eventually1.
on the other hand, who doesn't love to mock badfic? to that end, i have been saving examples of bad epithets since i began reading prince of tennis fiction in march. i've read some truly egregious epithets before, particularly at the rodney mckay, angsty goth teenie archive, which is a veritable bottomless treasure trove of badfic; but i've never encountered a fandom like this one for bad epithets. take for example:
The little precocious, burgundy-haired acrobat liked Hyotei’s blue-haired tensai.
in fact, i have saved urls to all these sources, but i felt leaving them anonymous in the post would be more diplomatic.
But as the days turned into weeks turned into months turned into years, the little redhead boy with the permanent bandage as a facial accessory burrowed his way into his heart, turning Oishi’s entire world upside down.
He wondered what brand of shampoo the little prodigy used, then mentally slapped himself for even entertaining such a thought.and
But then again, his noisy libido reminded him, what about the golden-eyed youth didn’t appeal to him?
Ryouma approached Eiji with dread, reluctantly pulling out a long piece of paper from the bundle enclosed in the upperclassman's fist.
For some reason, his lips burned every time the bespectacled teen gave him a kiss, even if it was such a light peck that it could barely even be classified as one.
"Ah.. gonna.." he groaned, his movements becoming erratic, urging himself on, visions of the younger boy's face when he was sprawled breathlessly beneath him almost enough to make the speed ace lose it right then and there.
The taller male hummed low in his throat, pleased that the younger male was responding.
The recent graduate of Seishun Gakuen stayed silent as the older teen took out his cell phone and pressed a button.
Then, the bespectacled teen paused long enough to remove said glasses, placing them somewhere out of reach before burying into the curve of Kaidoh’s warm neck once more.
Right now, nothing can explain the joy that is swimming around in the ice mountain's heart.
The mumbler flicked the note to the other's feet and turned around to head toward his house.
The exact nature of the quest was as of yet unclear to the purple-haired teen.
With that in mind, he raced to where the ball was hit and sent it back, wanting to see what else his red haired love was going to do.
“Yanagi?” Jackal said, not quite sure why Yukimura’s close friend had stopped short of entering the hospital room.
The older was resting partially on top of the younger and the latter sought the other’s hand, finding and squeezing it gently.
The cashier at the front of the Christmas novelty store shot him a dirty look, but the orange-haired volley specialist was too excited to notice.
1. i've discovered recently - to my horror, rather - that i used to use them sometimes too, although only relatively mild ones such as "his lover" and "his friend", as far as i can tell. it seems, regrettably, that almost everyone goes through this phase, so we can sympathise with each other! the important thing is that it remain a phase and that you then outgrow it.
no subject
Which brings me to the actual point of this comment, a moral question: when I am beta-reading for someone else, is it appropriate to mention that they might overuse epithets? I've encountered this several times. I was worried that it might be a simple matter of opinion, but now I wonder if I should say something. I'm just curious to know what you think. XD Advice, please?
no subject
You should definitely mention it. Try to give a reason why, too, if you think they may need convincing (frex, so many epithets break POV, so if you come across someone thinking of their best friend as the purple-haired tennis-playing smaller ninja, mention to them that people rarely think of their friends that way! (of course that's an extreme example, but still, even stuff like the smaller man or the blond...people really don't go around thinking of people like that unless they're perfect strangers and they're picking someone out of a group)). It's a stylistic choice, sure, but it's pretty universally acknowledged to be a bad one. If they don't liste, they don't listen (I critiqued someone's fic once and they told me they liked all the epithets (about ten different ones referring to only two people) because it gave some variety, and there was nothing I could do to convince her, so I just told her, well, be aware that when you ask for crit, people are going to point that out.
no subject
no subject
and then, there's this: in the vast majority of epithet cases - all the ones mentioned above, for instance - it really is just a matter of bad writing. there will never be a time when sticking such a long descriptor as "the redheaded acrobatic tennis player with the permanent bandage as a facial accessory" or "the cashier of the novelty christmas store" or "the bandana-clad teen" into the middle of a sentence is acceptable. it wouldn't matter what the phrase was; it makes the sentence gratingly clunky.
no subject
The older was resting partially on top of the younger and the latter sought the other’s hand, finding and squeezing it gently.
it is definitely implied that there are three people in the bed. you should never use two epithets for one person within the same sentence; it's as silly as switching from ryoma to echizen in the same sentence! that's not by any means the only thing wrong with those epithets, of course. i don't think calling someone "the older" or "the younger" is really acceptable the way "the former" and "the latter" is. it's a somewhat logical extrapolation on the author's part, but it basically produces the reaction, "the older what?" (which isn't to say "the older man" or "the older teen" would be acceptable.)
no subject
I felt kind of, oh, I don't know, elitist at first, when I found myself disliking epithets. Now I realize, though, that it really does take me out of the story, much like pov-jumping or tenses that don't match. Thank you very much for this post, and for your opinions. :)
no subject