(As far as I can tell the Stephen Colbert On Notice Generator has gafiated.)

1. "pucker"


2. "greedy" (to describe the anus)


3. "spilling hotly"


4. "so hot. so tight"


5. "his lower regions"


6. "that bundle of nerves"


7. "the evidence of his desire"


8. "erotic" in the middle of a sex scene


9. "warm fluid"


10. "his shaft"


11. "his cloth-covered length"


12. "drifting south" (or "South", which is even funnier)


13. "heat in his groin"


14. "a hardness"


15. "corresponding hardness" ("Dear language center:...")


16. "tweaked a nipple"

With contributions from aeslis and bexless.

On "sliding in to the hilt": aeslis: It might be a fairy tale sword.
On "lathered": bexless: Are there bubbles?
On "gasping for air": aeslis: Have you never kissed anyone? Did you forget you have a nose?

Which improbable scenario, when applied to a fandom that is supposed to be set in reality (such as a crime show), is WORSE?

[Poll #1278429]