and because they don't go to the internet you can't just tell them "google X"

[cimorene]

I've noticed a distinct pattern in some fannish people I know IRL, which is that the ones who don't Go Here in fandom never know when people and movies are canceled or on notice and usually haven't even heard a hint of why they're problematic, leading to hundreds of instances of this conversation:

THEM: I saw [media thing associated with a controversy].
ME: Yikes...
THEM: It was so good!

Explaining the controversy isn't that difficult if it's just something like "Actually it turns out that the director/writer went on a bigoted rant/has been accused of sexual harrassment" or "The role of X was whitewashed". But in the case of the well-meaning but clueless social-justice-supporting white people - initially mostly my parents, but a few members of my generation who just happen to also be Luddites - they never seem to notice cultural appropriation, white savior narratives, fridging, or unfortunate political ramifications, and the repetitiveness of this same consciousness-raising conversation with its small list of curated reference links starts to feel uncomfortably didactic, especially because the more awkward I feel, the harder I have to work to explain coherently.

The temptation is strong to just say nothing about it to escape this, but it seems a bit shady to not even indicate I was put off by something about it, if they were engaging me in fannish conversation in good faith.

Comments

[zenolalia]

I wish I had advice for this situation. In the end, a lot of these well meaning people in my own life decided that I am just overly negative/live to complain, and stopped discussing things with me at all. I try, now, to be more polite about it, more welcoming or neutral, using the kinds of techniques people recommend for con-crit (compliment sandwiches, etc), but... Man, I dunno. Basically, you have my deepest sympathies.

[cimorene]

Yeah ... I mean if it was their favorite movie or book, I probably would do something like that, but particularly when it's a movie I don't want to see because of X, or one that I saw and hated (sooo many versions of this with The Help), coming up with a good lead-in can be tricky. Plus that feels uncomfortable too, if I'm reaching too hard - it feels like internally condescending, like I'm treating them like a child or something...

Although if the people in question have already voiced the thought that you're just a humorless feminist SJW buzzkill, then some dumbing-down is probably necessary. But with someone who hasn't done that and is pro-SJW but just not as educated, I feel bad if I assume bad faith.