International English for low competence

[cimorene]

One thing that I've started being fascinated and amused by specifically since I started working at the Finnish equivalent of Target (or a 1980s-90s Kmart) is the use of English by and for non-native speakers. As a lingua franca, really, but a written one specifically. Because the store is Finnish-owned and -run, but we sell a lot of products imported from other parts of Europe and a lot of stuff that's straight from China, with whatever packaging the companies came up with. Sometimes it's just complete nonsense, like this rather terrifying powder pink pocket mirror that says "I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth" - sentence case but no punctuation.



(The towering hubris of just being like "Does that look good and make sense? Yes. I don't think we need to check with anyone who uses English competently.") Perhaps not quite as inexplicable, but definitely not susceptible to casual deciphering, is a giant freestanding cardboard display of catfood with a photo of a cat on the side: "JUST YOU, ME, AND ANY OF THE BELOW" (there is nothing else below except the floor; the catfood itself is next to or behind, but even if you parse this far, you're like - so I'm being... propositioned... by this Russian blue??).

But this kind of baffling is a rare event. Most of the time it's easy enough to understand what is meant (or at least it is once you know what the product is) and the clunky phrasing, accidental innuendo, or misdirected modifier error is the sort of thing you would pass over without much notice in the course of a conversation if it were out loud. I've started collecting examples of this:

• cookie name: "Choco Whoopies"


• product description: "assortment filled trolley" (toy wheelie suitcases filled with drawing supplies)


• product description: "fat balls" (seed-and-suet birdfood balls)


• product description: "High energy giant fat stick" (seed-and-suet birdfood with its own hanger)


• On a package of flavor-infused honeys: "Honey delicates from Finland!"


• On a package of boiled peanuts: "IMPORTANT FOR DAILY MEAL AND SNACK"


• product description: "Natur Premium pet fish cat" My beloved pet fish cat!


• On a package of catfood: "Family plate chunks" yum, that delicious family plate! Stoneware or silver?


• On a display box of snacks: "Do the natural!"

Comments

[princessofgeeks]

This is so common here in the US with packaging or product labels for stuff made in China. It's quite hilarious.

Did not know you had that in Finland and in English no less. Crazy.

[cimorene]

Most packaging in Finland that you see on the shelves is in Finnish and Swedish. A lot of domestic stuff, and in other areas it's likely the version of the packaging sold throughout the nordic countries, or even in all Europe (things like appliances and electronics and tools). I don't know if the boxes they ship in are still labeled in English or not - our store is a little unusual being a discount store and having an unusually high amount of stock that's remnants and discounted stuff from other parts of Europe, cheaper than the more common domestic or domestically popular brands you would find in other stores. Some of the packaging straight up doesn't HAVE Finnish or Swedish on it. Sometimes it doesn't have English either! Presumably those are things like overstocks of the versions that were made to sell in other countries (Spain and France, Germany and Benelux, sometimes Danish, sometimes even just Chinese).