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THE HORRIFYING THINGS SCALE
What follows is a meticulously calibrated scale of Levels of Horror generated by particular tropes and elements of a story. Every story falls somewhere on this scale. Examples at each point provide convenient references!
10. CHILD RAPE is more horrifying than
9. a MAFIA SEX HOUSE is more horrifying than
8. a PENIS SHRAPNEL injury is more horrifying than
7. SURPRISE VEHICULAR MANSLAUGHTER is more horrifying than
6. SURPRISE lubeless FISTING is more horrifying than
5. SURPRISE secret EATING DISORDER is more horrifying than
4. background DEAD!MIKEY [aka background dead!main character] is more horrifying than
3. COMPLETELY OOC DIALOGUE is more horrifying than
2. EVERYBODY'S GAY (even Andy and Joe) [aka even the really straight ones] is more horrifying than
1. TRIVIAL CANON ERRORS (such as meat-eating Frank).
A 0, of course, is not horrifying at all.
An appropriate comment for anything between 1 and 9 on the scale is "Well, at least it's not child rape."
10. CHILD RAPE is more horrifying than
9. a MAFIA SEX HOUSE is more horrifying than
8. a PENIS SHRAPNEL injury is more horrifying than
7. SURPRISE VEHICULAR MANSLAUGHTER is more horrifying than
6. SURPRISE lubeless FISTING is more horrifying than
5. SURPRISE secret EATING DISORDER is more horrifying than
4. background DEAD!MIKEY [aka background dead!main character] is more horrifying than
3. COMPLETELY OOC DIALOGUE is more horrifying than
2. EVERYBODY'S GAY (even Andy and Joe) [aka even the really straight ones] is more horrifying than
1. TRIVIAL CANON ERRORS (such as meat-eating Frank).
A 0, of course, is not horrifying at all.
An appropriate comment for anything between 1 and 9 on the scale is "Well, at least it's not child rape."
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But at least it's not child rape.
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<33333333333333
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Maybe he hit a button when he was up there...
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And, uh. Andy could be bisexual, and Joe just too stoned to care? Yep, because situational gayness is *so* common.
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As for 1... so far I haven't read any meat-eating Frank, but I've read a whole fucking lot of fic in which people who aren't vegan are vegan. Including Frank (who in a story I read recently ate something called a 'vegan, honey-crust pizza', which... what?) Including stories in which MCR are all vegan and this is Gerard's idea, and he nags his bandmates about it when they eat animal products, and again I say *what*? (Edited to add that this was not an au, it was just a background detail in a regular MCR fic.)
2. I dislike 'everybody's gay' heartily, but quite like Andy/Joe. Am I a bad person?
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But vegan honey? No such thing. There are things vegans use as substitutes for honey, but you don't call them 'vegan honey', you call them agave nectar or maple syrup or rice syrup or whatever you used. (None of them tastes like honey, ftr.)
Now I want a vegan meatlover's pizza. No cheese (I've never managed to like fake cheese any better than I like the real thing.) Just seitan and tofu and tempeh and fake bacon and vegie-smoke all over. It'd be yum.
*is aware I'm probably grossing you out here*
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Either get some vegie 'meat' and smoke it the traditional way, like you would with real meat, or else just add some smoke flavouring while you make it.
Oh, and the advantage of vegan 'hotdogs' is that they're just the right shape for wrapping in a slice of bread and devouring, and they don't have hair or feces in them, like I've heard some real hotdogs do.
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