bad kinkmeme prompts. ALL OF THESE ARE ACTUALLY STORIES.

[cimorene]

1. The boys are a bonded pair of were!creatures in a world were nobody knows they exist. Or at least, that was the case until a bunch of scientists find out about them and want to know more. They kidnap Jensen to do their research and experiments on. They don't see him as a human being, but more as a sort of pet who just learned to act like a human as a really good trick. They keep him chained in a cage, force him to feed from the floor, muzzle him, etc. Of course Jared is not amused and turns all bad-ass trying to rescue his mate. The scientists won't know what hit them and will learn more than they would like about the meaning of a mate to a were!creature...



2. Sherlock has an epiphany that makes him figure out everything that happened in Lestrade's past - and it's so horrific and disturbing that stoic, composed Sherlock starts crying/screaming/vomiting.



3. Eduardo is called by Sean to the office. When they arrive there, the "talk" turns fast into an argument and Sean loses it, punching Eduardo until he's unconscious. Since nobody is in that part of the building because it's where Mark's office is located and Dustin & Chris shooed everybody home, Sean has a lot of time to freak out more (maybe drinks or some illegal substance?) He ties Eduardo to a bathroom pipe and calls Mark. Mark arrives and we don't know right away if he'll fall for Sean's madness ("let's kill him and be free from the lawsuit") or if Mark will save Eduardo. Bonus points if Wardo is shocked when he sees Mark, thinking he is with Sean on this. Of course Mark (being Mark) will use some very logical argument that'll throw Sean out and later, just for the fun of it, the cops may find the images from the intern cameras to convict Sean.



4. So, Eduardo's father always figured his son was useless. But he is nice to look at and there's some good in that. Cue the idea that he can use Eduardo as a 'sweetener' to close some tricky business deals. He's been doing just this for years when it comes time to close a particularly tricky deal with... Mark Zuckerberg.



5. Jensen and Jared live together but Jensen is away on a bussiness trip and Jared is alone at home with their son when a stranger breaks in. Jared is attacked and raped and the son doesn't know what happened but he calls for help. Jensen finds out, he's worried and feeling guilty because when he left, him and Jared were fighting.

Comments

[mecurtin]

It's 8:03 am. Too early to start drinking and weeping for humanity?

[cimorene]

It's never too early for that!

[mirabella]

Oh, god. I looked at the Supernatural kink memes like twice and both times it genuinely made me physically ill. I think part of the reason I quit reading SPN fic was that I couldn't tolerate the thought of being even remotely associated with the people who wrote those prompts.

[cimorene]

I have to say that the SPN ones definitely bring the most boggling as a group. There's just so much bizarre character-torture and MPREG and rape and God knows what.

[phosfate]

I think "vomiting" is what makes it awesome.

[cimorene]

Exactly.

[viggorlijah]

I grant you that 04 sounds like a bad - oh who am I kidding, it's bad. Gloriously trashily bad. But so fun! There's a Pretty Woman AU just starting up on that thread now. And one where Eduardo is the blushing regency bride.

[cimorene]

LOLOL. My favorite part was when someone on Delicious described that story as needing "some suspension of disbelief, but...".

[foursweatervests]

So, Eduardo's father always figured his son was useless. But he is nice to look at and there's some good in that. Cue the idea that he can use Eduardo as a 'sweetener' to close some tricky business deals. He's been doing just this for years when it comes time to close a particularly tricky deal with... Mark Zuckerberg.

Oh my god; I saved this one on delicious just for the prompt!

[cimorene]

;__;

[foursweatervests]

XD It is fabulously dramatic, no?

[cimorene]

You don't think I read it. XD

Unless you mean the prompt, which, okay, it's fabulously, melodramatically out of place. I can't imagine anyone but a true student of the Gothic could do such a prompt justice. Maybe Aronofsky should try.

[foursweatervests]

The prompt, yes. I'm kind of afraid to go near the actual fic, but I think I'll attempt it. It's just so over the top; I have to try!

[cimorene]

If anything should happen... you should know that I'll miss you.

[foursweatervests]

Fear not! I've mace and my delete key; I pray I shall be victorious.

[cimorene]

In that case I shall dare to hope for your safe return.

[foursweatervests]

Will you wear a yellow ribbon? :-D

[cimorene]

I think I can commit to buying one!

[foursweatervests]

♥♥♥

And I'll write! XD

[cimorene]

You can send telegrams. Like, "EDUARDO IS A MAGICAL CREATURE STOP. NOW APPEARS VEELA PHEROMONES RESPONSIBLE FOR SEX TRADE STOP. FURTHER UPDATES IF INCEST VIBES WORSEN STOP. FSV"

(I have no reason to actually suspect this fic of being a Harry Potter fusion. It was just the first way I could think of to make the summary even worse.)

[foursweatervests]

Or, "EDUARDO NOW HAVING THREE-PAGE CRYING JAG STOP. THIRD ONE IN TWO CHAPTERS STOP. MPREG NOT FAR BEHIND STOP."

(Worse than MPREG? IS IT POSSIBLE?!?)

[cimorene]

I admit that one is probably more likely...

[foursweatervests]

Since neither of us has read it yet, anything's possible...

[foursweatervests]

Final verdict: no MPreg, and no HP-fusion (though I did find that in ANOTHER fic and, unsurprisingly, fell in love with it). There was one tearing-up incident, but most of the focus was on Eduardo's epic manpain from having BEEN pimped out by his dad and less on his epic manpain from BEING pimped out by his dad. If that makes any sense.

Scale of 1 - 10 of readability . . . probably scores a 7.5. Or so. I actually liked it.

Wait, hey, hang on, where are you going? Wait, come baaaaaack!

[cimorene]

Hahhahaha. Readability is usually pretty important, but when you're talking about a situation with that much suspension of disbelief involved it's usually not enough for me. I mean, if it was just that amount of manpain for more pedestrian silly clichés that are somewhat easier to buy, like being kidnapped or knifed or a secret history of sexual abuse, then readability would be the deciding factor for me.

Also, the only way that been/being thing seems to make sense is if you mean all the hooking took place in the past or something? Or if his manpain is about being a hooker and not about his dad's betrayal?

[foursweatervests]

Make sense. It actually played as "secret history of sexual abuse," and the author dwelled less on Eduardo currently being pimped out and really about his first time being pimped out. Obviously the continuation of abuse had serious consequences, but in this case, the first instance of abuse was what the characters dwelled on.

I'd say the manpain's more about the betrayal than the hooking, though obviously that's no box of chocolates. He seems to have kind of gotten himself together for the most part. Clearly there's still loads of manpain, but at this point he's taken charge of his life. I liked that Mark didn't get the chance to "save" him; Eduardo ended up saving himself. And then there was globe-trotting.

[cimorene]

My thoughts are torn almost directly down the middle about bad crack premises written as serious fic. Of course sometimes that turns out to be incredibly genius.

[foursweatervests]

Ehhhh. Serious? I don't know if I'd call this serious. It's a good (I can't say "fun", unless manpain is your idea of fun) read, but I'm not touting it as literature. Mixed feelings, really.

[cimorene]

Oh no, I don't mean serious as in 'serious Literature'. More as in... not-exactly-crack? Like, with most clichefic, if you have a premise like that - something that belongs to a literary genre and not real life - then the actions of the characters in the story don't have as much to do with real life either. There's no consideration of realism. Usually everyone's emotions are heightened, or they act whatever way will seem funniest or like a caricature of themselves, depending on the trope and the genre. For example, it's extremely rare that they acknowledge the existence of psychological consequences of trauma (at least not ones that persevere after the application of Healing Cock). From what you said about the story, I got the impression that it was a little closer to reality - consequences and nuances and personal character growth and helping oneself exist. And so on. And now I've possibly confused myself, so I just hope this explanation has made my meaning more and not less clear.

[foursweatervests]

More clear! Yes, I think you hit the nail on the head. It's a lot closer than I'd gone in thinking it would be, but not quite there. Definitely more crack than serious.

[cimorene]

Falling between the genre cracks? Surely there's some kind of term for that...

[foursweatervests]

seriack?

[cimorene]

Hahah! It just looks like someone misspelled celiac.

[foursweatervests]

Heee! It totally does.

[jain]

You don't think I read it. XD

You might give it a try. I read the story because I'm a fan of the author's ST:AOS fic, and I ended up really enjoying it. It's id-fic, yes, but very well-written id-fic that subverts the prompt slightly to make the story less of a bodice- breeches-ripper than the prompt suggests.

[cimorene]

I'm not a big fan of most types of clichefic overall and especially not hookerfic, so I'm sure my avoidance is well-founded.

[jain]

Fair enough. To anyone who has more of an ambivalence than an aversion to hookerfic, I'd say that the story is only about 1/3 hookerfic, plus 1/3 heist fic and 1/3 geeks-in-love fic. There's definitely enough hookerfic involved that you're right to avoid it, though.

[cimorene]

IDK why I hate it so intensely. Perhaps it's just some deep buried childhood trauma from being forced to roleplay Pretty Woman on the playground or something. Too bad, cause heist is one of my favorites. :/