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in the fug
Our household (or... Wax and I) have descended into a kind of fug. Since we failed to find all the documents the lawyer wanted a couple of weeks ago there's been no developments of any kind (and I thought Wax found them all but she didn't): discomfort, misery, uncertainty if we will even be able to keep this house all remain up in the air; winter is leeching all the energy out of us, the sun is going down before 4 pm daily, and the hundred euros of catfood I ordered specifically to be delivered by an alternate carrier got switched without asking us to the postal service which is currently on strike and not delivering anything possibly until January, so we had to buy the same stuff at a Turku petstore (except costing significantly more).
Doing anything looks either impossible (the stuff that's important isn't within our power to change) or pointless (because it has no effect on the important stuff). For example, we've both been mopey and listless as well as stressed and anxious and now it's untidy enough here that I need to tidy, basically, everything. But this too feels pointless because the tidiest it's possible to make our current residence still looks like a disaster because there isn't room in here for all our stuff. It's not actually pointless anymore because at this point we're at increased risk of tripping on things or breaking them or whatever, but even after I'm done I know it's going to continue looking an anxiety-causing level of chaotic. We can't even put up bookshelves in the finished rooms on our side to hold stuff because, apart from the drywall and assembled kitchen cabinets and pipes and plumbing fixtures and power tools everywhere, baseboard electrical wiring still has to be installed which means all of the walls will need to be got at.
At its tidiest, the kitchen still doesn't have enough space for baking unless I temporarily move the kettle and toaster and recycling and a box of catfood that doesn't fit in any cabinets out into the hallway in order to fold out a leaf on the table. (I'm not a stress baker, but I have been known to bake things for comfort. Especially cookies around the armpit of the year, which we're now entering.)
Some things that haven't changed are that Snookums is still preventing me from sleeping through the night by waking me for food or because he's bored about one day in three, and the BB and Snookums are still regularly but unpredictably refusing to eat their food, or willing to eat only each others' food. This fills me with anxiety because he's ingesting carbs from her food and he's supposed to have none, and she's ingesting phosphorus from his food that she's not supposed to have and not getting the phosphorus binders that she needs. But their health doesn't seem to be affected by this, at least.
Actually the only thing that really has changed is probably that I got around to hanging up two birdfeeders on the corner of the gazebo outside the window by our computers, and humans and felines alike are enjoying seeing a huge quantity of great tits, blue tits, willow tits, and bullfinches, plus periodic visits from the pair of magpies I'm a fan of. No crows or jackdaws have visited the feeder yet, but there are plenty of both in town, so my fingers are crossed for that.
Doing anything looks either impossible (the stuff that's important isn't within our power to change) or pointless (because it has no effect on the important stuff). For example, we've both been mopey and listless as well as stressed and anxious and now it's untidy enough here that I need to tidy, basically, everything. But this too feels pointless because the tidiest it's possible to make our current residence still looks like a disaster because there isn't room in here for all our stuff. It's not actually pointless anymore because at this point we're at increased risk of tripping on things or breaking them or whatever, but even after I'm done I know it's going to continue looking an anxiety-causing level of chaotic. We can't even put up bookshelves in the finished rooms on our side to hold stuff because, apart from the drywall and assembled kitchen cabinets and pipes and plumbing fixtures and power tools everywhere, baseboard electrical wiring still has to be installed which means all of the walls will need to be got at.
At its tidiest, the kitchen still doesn't have enough space for baking unless I temporarily move the kettle and toaster and recycling and a box of catfood that doesn't fit in any cabinets out into the hallway in order to fold out a leaf on the table. (I'm not a stress baker, but I have been known to bake things for comfort. Especially cookies around the armpit of the year, which we're now entering.)
Some things that haven't changed are that Snookums is still preventing me from sleeping through the night by waking me for food or because he's bored about one day in three, and the BB and Snookums are still regularly but unpredictably refusing to eat their food, or willing to eat only each others' food. This fills me with anxiety because he's ingesting carbs from her food and he's supposed to have none, and she's ingesting phosphorus from his food that she's not supposed to have and not getting the phosphorus binders that she needs. But their health doesn't seem to be affected by this, at least.
Actually the only thing that really has changed is probably that I got around to hanging up two birdfeeders on the corner of the gazebo outside the window by our computers, and humans and felines alike are enjoying seeing a huge quantity of great tits, blue tits, willow tits, and bullfinches, plus periodic visits from the pair of magpies I'm a fan of. No crows or jackdaws have visited the feeder yet, but there are plenty of both in town, so my fingers are crossed for that.
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In the meantime I am sending all the good thoughts and support from afar.
I admire you both so much and I am so sorry you have to go through all this.
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