girlfriends and labels

[cimorene]

you know what? i hate the word girlfriend. i just do. it has several associations for me, none of them good:

1. a pair of thirteen-year-olds, one girl and one boy. possibly in black and white, possibly exchanging a daisy chain or a plastic ring.
2. when you're in kindergarten and you 'marry' your 'boyfriend' using a toy plastic ring with another little kid officiating.
3. a gay man saying 'girlfriend' in that little voice.
4. a sorority girl. 'me and a couple of my girlfriends are going to the beach for a week.'

it doesn't convey the proper concept. what then? to say 'we're dating'? or 'cim's special friend'? 'significant other'? 'life partner'? the bottom line is that labels are odious when you've already got an idea of what you are, and then someone comes along later wanting to apply a label to it. labels are congenial only when you're familiar with them before you identify with them, and thus don't have conflicting clusters of associations for yourself and the word.

possibly labels are always odious, period, since they tend to have unpleasant effects.

but dad has kept saying to people 'cim's friend' all the time wax was here, dictating letters mostly but also out loud, and i just want to kick him in the nuts (which he wouldn't feel since he has no feeling below the nipples, but still). wtf is 'cim's friend'? she's not my fucking friend, you fucking twat. for one thing, i'm not ashamed, so why use a totally ambiguous word like that? for another thing, it sounds condescending.

Comments

[guinevere33.livejournal.com]

Heh, don't feel too bad - two of my good friends have been dating since the first week of college 2.5 years ago, and his mom STILL introduces her as "Kyle's friend Alicia". And I've been introduced as Justin's "friend" a time or two as well.

So yeah, it's not just a gay thing - it's a parent thing. And it's obnoxious. It may also be that your dad doesn't feel comfortable outing you to strangers, figuring that it's your business if you want to tell them. :: sigh ::

[cimness.livejournal.com]

it still makes my skin crawl!

if it's someone that he's going to be discussing my private life with he can damn well tell them she's my partner.

like, does he THINK of her as my 'girlfriend' in his stupid head?

[guinevere33.livejournal.com]

Knowing him, I'm sure he's not doing it to be hurtful or because he doesn't think of her as your girlfriend. So, since it really bothers you, you should (politely) make your preferences clear: "Dad, I wish you'd introduce Wax as my [girlfriend/sig other/partner/other noun]. I'm certainly not embarassed about it, and telling people she's just my friend bothers me."

Otherwise, you'll just fume about it and he'll have no idea why you're so pissed.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

i'm sure you're right.

still it bothers me that he would just assume i was embarrassed and proceed accordingly. if i didn't want people to know about it i would prefer that he skip the subject, not that he LIE.

i hate lying.