girlfriends and labels

[cimorene]

you know what? i hate the word girlfriend. i just do. it has several associations for me, none of them good:

1. a pair of thirteen-year-olds, one girl and one boy. possibly in black and white, possibly exchanging a daisy chain or a plastic ring.
2. when you're in kindergarten and you 'marry' your 'boyfriend' using a toy plastic ring with another little kid officiating.
3. a gay man saying 'girlfriend' in that little voice.
4. a sorority girl. 'me and a couple of my girlfriends are going to the beach for a week.'

it doesn't convey the proper concept. what then? to say 'we're dating'? or 'cim's special friend'? 'significant other'? 'life partner'? the bottom line is that labels are odious when you've already got an idea of what you are, and then someone comes along later wanting to apply a label to it. labels are congenial only when you're familiar with them before you identify with them, and thus don't have conflicting clusters of associations for yourself and the word.

possibly labels are always odious, period, since they tend to have unpleasant effects.

but dad has kept saying to people 'cim's friend' all the time wax was here, dictating letters mostly but also out loud, and i just want to kick him in the nuts (which he wouldn't feel since he has no feeling below the nipples, but still). wtf is 'cim's friend'? she's not my fucking friend, you fucking twat. for one thing, i'm not ashamed, so why use a totally ambiguous word like that? for another thing, it sounds condescending.

Comments

[ex-thewayout304.livejournal.com]

on the other hand, there isn't anything wrong with taking a word and making up your own meaning for it. girlfriend can be anything you want it to be. blah blah.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

hee. but i already don't like it. i mean, it could be anything i wanted, but i have the wax, and the everything i want her to be, already. and 'girlfriend' doesn't sound important, serious, ... enough.

[secret-angel.livejournal.com]

There is no need for titles unless you and the other person are comfortable with them. Don't let your dad make your relationship any less important by his stupid titles. He doesn't understand the closeness and intimacy a girl can share with another girl.

*hugs*

[cimness.livejournal.com]

thanks for the hugs. :)

it does make me feel better. maybe i should talk to him. i don't think he means to hurt my feelings. i don't know if HE'S somehow embarrassed and wants to keep it secret or if he just thinks that i am so he's lying without asking me.

[nostalgia-lj.livejournal.com]

"other half"? Yeah, there isn't really a good other word for boy/girlfriend. There probably should be. Make one up and spread iT!

[cimness.livejournal.com]

hee!

'better half.' that's slightly antique now, but it conveys the point admirably. and has a slight humorous cant.

of course the humor could lead to misunderstandings.

[twirlygrrl.livejournal.com]

I definitely understand what you're saying. I've said, "Oh, Brodie's my girlfriend" and had people think I just meant really good friend or something. It's irritating.

Thankfully, I don't have the parent problem, yet. Since, you know, they don't know about her and all, but I can definitely see both of my parents using the 'friend' label. Something along the lines of, "Mandy's little friend." And just. Bleh.

We should maybe come up with our own word.

And wow, that's the longest comment I've ever left in your journal. Sorry.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

sorry! no way! comment away, i like you quite a lot.

i'd like to come up with my own word. i've thought of it. but i've never come up with one so i just say 'wax,' and that is more meaningful to ME at least, even if no one else understands that when i say 'wax' i mean 'the single most important, wonderful, brilliant, beautiful person in my life.' or more simply something like 'life partner,' which is how i think of her, but no one wants to go around going 'and my partner...' it sounds like you're a member of a law firm, or else have a stick up the ass.

[guinevere33.livejournal.com]

Heh, don't feel too bad - two of my good friends have been dating since the first week of college 2.5 years ago, and his mom STILL introduces her as "Kyle's friend Alicia". And I've been introduced as Justin's "friend" a time or two as well.

So yeah, it's not just a gay thing - it's a parent thing. And it's obnoxious. It may also be that your dad doesn't feel comfortable outing you to strangers, figuring that it's your business if you want to tell them. :: sigh ::

[cimness.livejournal.com]

it still makes my skin crawl!

if it's someone that he's going to be discussing my private life with he can damn well tell them she's my partner.

like, does he THINK of her as my 'girlfriend' in his stupid head?

[guinevere33.livejournal.com]

Knowing him, I'm sure he's not doing it to be hurtful or because he doesn't think of her as your girlfriend. So, since it really bothers you, you should (politely) make your preferences clear: "Dad, I wish you'd introduce Wax as my [girlfriend/sig other/partner/other noun]. I'm certainly not embarassed about it, and telling people she's just my friend bothers me."

Otherwise, you'll just fume about it and he'll have no idea why you're so pissed.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

i'm sure you're right.

still it bothers me that he would just assume i was embarrassed and proceed accordingly. if i didn't want people to know about it i would prefer that he skip the subject, not that he LIE.

i hate lying.

[elfiepike.livejournal.com]

I like to say "____'s person," which is also ambiguous (i have several people i consider "my people" but not in a sexual way) but also seems, to me, both more mature and also slightly clearer in terms of at least an important relationship.


or not. but yeah.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

see, it carries a more satisfying personal significance to you, like just saying plain 'wax' does to me, because nothing but her name conveys to me all that she means to me. but it doesn't satisfy saying it to other people.

what about 'my better half'? which has the added benefit of being a bit funny. which IMO is always preferable.

[aynatonal.livejournal.com]

Back when I had a girlfriend (sigh), I used to introduce her as "my girl." I might have been a bit possessive back then, come to think of it. Now that I have a boyfriend, "my boy," doesn't have quite the same ring to it, or rather, it sounds like when we're at home, I oil him up and he serves me things on a tray. Which is unfortunately not the case.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

'unfortunately' ahahhahaha.

that's what twirlygrrl and brc use.

i'm thinking of 'my better half.' what do you think?

[aynatonal.livejournal.com]

I like it :) It's cute, a little bit old fashioned, a little bit funny and nimbly gets around the whole girlfriend-partner-lover (God help us) issue.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

'lovah' is amusing, but wasn't quite in the running. :)

[mamahooch.livejournal.com]

I vote for "my LOVAH", a la Mike Meyers' Dieter (sp?) from SNL's "Sprockets" skit a few years back. Offers to pet your monkey are strictly optional.

Girlfriend? Not really.

[tilney.livejournal.com]

It's funny, but my friends actually started calling my girlfriend my 'better half' even before we were together, just friends, and it stuck and I find it very endearing. I'm all for quaint and funny. It sort of disarms people.

Re: Girlfriend? Not really.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

yeah, i like it. i think i shall keep it.

[selectivamnesia.livejournal.com]

I'm partial to "soul mate," myself.

Fiancée? :)

(just lurking, don't mind me...)

[cimness.livejournal.com]

even if said ironically, i think 'soul mate' would tend to get up the nose of my better half. she has a strong aversion to the term 'soul.'