Other People

Procrastinating. But, I wanted to mention, because it matters to me.

When I got really depressed last year, like extra depressed, I pretty much stopped taking pictures. Not entirely, but way way less than I used to.

Partly because I suddenly intensely disliked my own face.

Also because I guess, I'm 50 now, it seems like most things I've either seen already, or, I guess, I know I rarely go back over photos of these little things, or, I know it's just not the same. How many times last year did I put the phone up to something, see it through the screen, and not even bother, because it looked nothing like what I was actually seeing.

But still, it's a nice way to remember.

There have been beautiful things I've witnessed in the last few weeks, that I wish I'd bothered to stop and try to capture, even if it's not as good as the real thing. Of course it's not, but it can still trigger the memory of the goodness of the thing.

The silhouette of the two dear cresting a hill with the sunset behind them - I did not have time to grab a camera for that moment, but, SO breathtaking. I don't even remember where I saw them, maybe in Stevenson? I think Stevenson, on the way home from the Dog Mountain hike. Felt like a dream. I could have at least tried.

The little dried winter plant skeletons caught in all this winter sunshine. The pretty starry delicate shapes they make. So fragile and fleeting.

The outfits I put together for dancing. We didn't get any selfies Sunday night, with me in the tiny sparkle shorts and Josh's favorite shirt.

Anyway. Just a reminder to myself to keep trying to capture beautiful little memories when I get the chance.

...

I have to remember the ways that Amanda also hurt me. I did not withdraw for no reason. There are multilayered reasons why that friendship is strained, it's not just me being petty or judgmental. It's me being protective of my energy and my safety and my own sense of self-worth. I miss her anyway. I still want to reconnect anyway. But, with caution. With love. With the right kind of intention. Not sure if it's possible.

...

Okay back to folders and spreadsheets. I will do a pretty petal doodle as a reward for at least getting started on it.

Need to be home by 5 to get ready for dancing tonight. My foot hurts, I am exhausted, gotta take it easy. But I want to support Cynthia.

I had SO MUCH FUN on silks today. Maybe I can share a video. I am not back to 100% after surgery but I'm shocked at what I am already able to do. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.