Cimorene

I'm not a stranger to cramps in the arch of my feet! That's part of the reason that I stopped wearing high heels. I wore some knee-high leather boots that came to just below the knee as a young woman, shortly after the year 2000, usually in the fall and winter (purchased in the US, before moving to Finland was on my radar, so they were kind of for warmth but in a climate that wasn't cold enough to necessitate purchasing actual winter boots). They only had like a 2-3" heel, a chunky one, as was fashionable at the turn of the millennium, so they weren't a challenge to balance or particularly uncomfortable for ordinary walking around. But I soon noticed the pattern of cramps in the arch of my foot after days when I wore them, and that made me want to stop.

But I haven't had much of that problem since then. ( Read more... ) However, just in the last few years I've occasionally noticed a twinge or mini-cramp that goes away after a few seconds specifically in the arch of my left foot. It's never lasted beyond a moment or two until like... last week once when I was walking up the stairs and then yesterday in the grocery store, when it suddenly twinged so hard into a cramp that I spent a minute and a half limping and whispering "Ow, ow, ow!" until it subsided.

It doesn't have to be caused by age, of course, but I don't know what else could have caused it, unless it is protesting the fact that I have not been walking enough in the last year. I used to have a tennis-sized hard rubber ball to roll on the arch of my feet, when I was working on my feet a lot in retail. But I can't remember where I put it.

Yesterday Wax had to quit work early and drive into Turku to see a doctor because it felt like something was poking her in her left eye but there was nothing there! And then she had to get up early and go to Turku today to see a specialist. She got some eyedrops prescribed, but there's nothing majorly wrong with her eye. It's just that her eyes are too dry. Apparently when your eyes are too dry one of the things that can happen is that they stick to your eyelids when you're asleep and if they're too stuck, when you open your eyes a few cells from the cornea can get torn off it and stay stuck to the eyelid, which creates a little micro hole in it and feels like you're being constantly stabbed in the eyeball. Isn't that great?

When we were talking about this last night I said, "You know, for a bunch of years, like maybe five to ten years ago, I felt like my eyes were too dry all the time and I was putting saline drops in them frequently, but a few years ago instead it started being like they overcompensate and make a lot of tears and now my eyes are more likely to be running when I've been asleep or lying down..." and with her new knowledge she was able to devastatingly inform me that this is just a sign of my eyes being dry, and even though it makes them hurt less, the tears are the wrong kind of moisture or something and not actually helping the eye themselves. So apparently in addition to the drops Wax needs for the inflammation and pain, we both have to start moisturizing our eyes now.

The other quixotic thing that happened this week was that my sister forgot about Brexit. Again.

To be specific: last year my sister ordered me a holiday present from a UK etsy shop that cost more than the minimum you can import without paying import taxes now (which I think is like under 20€ - it might even be 10?). As a result I got a text informing me that a package I didn't know about previously was at Customs, and in order to free it I had to fill out an online form indicating exactly what it was (which is a hassle in itself because they're in a taxonomic tree list) and provide a receipt or proof of purchase, in this case, the email receipt from the webshop that my sister had to forward, which obviously sort of spoiled the surprise. With a small present the amount you have to pay to release it from jail is only a few euros typically, but it is a hassle and it spoils the surprise.

And then this week she FORGOT THAT THAT HAD HAPPENED and ordered me a present from another UK shop.

(My parents & sister and I have pretty much given up on mailing back and forth anything larger than a padded envelope due to the delays and the fact that postage for the regular-sized boxes we typically used to send has gone up to generally over 100€.)

In Non-functional public health appointments, part 2, we heard that when I called on the one day (out of 2 weeks) when you can book appointments with an MD, the appointments were all filled well before the end of the day and they told me to call back in 2 weeks as early as possible.

So that was Monday, and I called at 8:05 (5 minutes after opening) and put my message in their automatic callback queue. I didn't get called until after 11:00 and I could hear the receptionist's voice trembling with stress as she tried to gently and politely apologize because "It was so good that you called at eight, but unfortunately all the doctor slots were already full again!"

She asked again how soon I will run out of meds, and since I will not run out in the next two weeks, she told me to try calling back at eight am again on December first.

!!!!!!!

"Really really sorry, it's so unfortunate."

"Well, it's not your fault, I know," I said.

"Even so... yeah."

So. Two weeks. If I call at 8 on the dot, maybe I'll be early enough in the queue... or maybe I can't get an appointment until I'm about to run out and they therefore have to promote me to the 'urgent' (or semi-urgent) queue.

Wow... I'm so mad about this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Remember that this was actually my third call because the first time I didn't call on the Appointment Day at all and had to be redirected (but unfortunately, even though she said they might fill up, I didn't realize it was like, CALL WITHIN FIVE MINUTES).

When I saw her a few weeks ago my vegan-and-gluten-free-bc-allergies friend said that she loves oat milk and it tastes much better than soy or almond milk, especially in coffee, so I got some to try.

And it's so good! I'm only making cocoa with it right now, but it impressed me right away. I use lactose-free dairy products usually, but I suspect that they disagree with me too, just mildly, especially cocoa made with milk. I've always been too lazy to test that systematically. Eliminating all dairy for an extended period (which I have a few times) isn't rigorous enough because other things can upset my stomach too, including just... anxiety.

I really love lattes - mostly chai and matcha, but I like coffee lattes too - and I've been wanting to make them for years and years. I was originally planning to get a milk steamer as a reward when and if I ever pass the driving test, but currently I'm trying a caffeine-free diet to see if it helps my anxiety. I'm not sure if I will decide to consume it again when the trial is over (I'm doing two and a half months minimum on physician's advice), and there's no point buying one if not.

There's popcorn flavored oat milk at the store. Bewildered and concerned. Don't like that.

As of today, Wax's annual vacation is now fully over without us having accomplished anything (from our long list of house repair and renovating tasks) because we still haven't emerged from depression-anxiety-exhaustion since last fall.

Wax feels much worse than me, but it would not be fair to say I've recovered from it. I have enough energy to want to accomplish a project or go for a walk but not enough to start these things on my own (it takes about 1/2 as many spoons to do them together) and enough to want to see my friends but not enough to go beyond texting one of them once a month or so.

Anyway, Wax thinks she might have a thyroid issue. Or another physical issue, but the point is, she suspects she's not just depressed or burnt out. But her employer switched healthcare providers six months ago and the new one doesn't have a local branch, so going to an appointment will mean going into Turku (25-35 min drive). Her exhaustion is therefore holding her back from seeking treatment for it.

And I guess I also feel kinda bad. I am going to have to try to meet a new GP and discuss my medications and stuff. Sometimes, though, I think what I need (not instead of medication, just like... need most) is really a rigidly-scheduled regimen of eating enough calories and sleeping and exercising to gradually increase endurance at the same time every day, but as an ADHD sufferer, I can no more make myself do those than make myself suddenly speak Finnish fluently. It feels like there should be a trick - like it shouldn't be this hard to just create routines. Or leave the house alone to go for a walk. And yet.

As you all are potentially aware, I have an allergy to at least one (unknown id) perfume and am hyper sensitive to other (many, but not all) perfumes and some natural fragrances. Besides one lavender tea incident, the throat swelling has only ever been in response to perfumed products on the lower half of my face for longer than the time it takes to wash it back off (so it's not TOO scary, since I always have time to escape). Hypersensitivity isn't the same as allergy, but when you add the knowledge that some unknown perfume aggressors out there will make my airway swell mostly closed, the hypersensitivity becomes very alarming and hard to deal with. Am I sneezing and feeling like I'm gonna choke because Smell, or am I risking anaphylaxis?

So as you can imagine, I usually buy unscented cosmetics, hygiene products, etc. And that's not always enough! As I was saying to twistedchick recently, sometimes I have to discard unscented products due to the smells of ingredients. Common offenders include burning (how?), ozone (this isn't unbearable but it's very annoying), a vaguely "gone off" smell in some moisturizers (rancid oils? Or some kind of fungal ingredient??), and urine (WHY! I know it's because they use urea in the manufacture but that's an issue I would think they would consider urgent to fix???)

But sometimes I feel compelled to try scented products because there doesn't seem to be a good unscented alternative. If you have any special requirements for shampoo and conditioner - in my case, I have low-porosity hair and lots of common ingredients don't work for me - there tend to be no unscented options, because unscented products are already considered a special requirement. I have decided that I need a new leave in conditioner that's more effective for holding curls and waves without frizz, and maybe a curl cream. (I don't like gel but it's always there if I can't find a good cream solution.)

Well, I tried a John Frieda Frizz Ease "curl revitalizing oil spray" today with great hopes.

My first impression was "this smells like my mother in law". waxjism agrees. It's a perfume, and the product does contain a little patchouli but it's not exactly patchouli that smells like her (but it is musky). The ingredients include "perfume", as usual, which should be illegal anywhere btw, so that's not much help.

Anyway, it's strong enough that I don't like it and will have to give it away, but it's not strong enough that I need to wash it out a day early, as long as my hair is kept back out of my face.

I've been reading the occasional perfume review reblogged by cleolinda and have got the idea it could be oud or some rose-related thing. Or maybe it's the combination of patchouli with one of these other things? I'm medium confident that it's not moringa...

( full ingredients list )

Knitting involves a lot of repetitive motion and can create problems, and comes with frequently recommended stretches, especially for the wrists and hands. And I HAVE experienced some discomfort sometimes in my wrists and taken a break for that. Also I stretch them a lot more. But the problem I have from knitting that I find to be unique is a specific strain - usually cramps I guess actually - under the spine-side edge of my right shoulder blade, if I've been knitting too intensively. In the past I have experimented with different kinds of daily stretches to try to limber it up but these were periods when I was working in daycares and aftercare programs (still the most fun I've had at a work practice, but I'm totally 100% unwilling to go through the professional educations for these fields) and hence moving around my whole body and doing lots of other things with my hands and arms daily - cleaning, dishwashing, and arts and crafts, for example.

So anyway, usually what happens is that I get too excited about knitting, and knit too many hours in a row and too many days in a row, and then I get cramps under the right shoulder blade, and I have to just not knit until they go away - a few days to a week. Actually this happened to me once from drawing too much as well, lol. Not usually one of my problems. ANYWAY though, THIS time...

I finished sewing all the ends in of my newest pink cabled cardigan one week ago last Friday, and I have not knitted or sewn anything since then - a few doodles, but mostly I've just been reading, staring at cats, and playing solitaire when I can't stop myself. I can't start a new knitting project until it stops hurting. So it's been over seven days and it is still uncomfortable!

Don't get me wrong: it isn't like constant cramping. I'm not needing to take painkillers (I think I did the first day maybe). It's just uncomfortable and a bit sore, like maybe there's a knot or something there? But I just don't know enough about it or these body parts. The only thing I know to do, besides gently moving around but not enough to cause pain, is taking anti-inflammatories. And I feel quite silly and annoyed about the idea of having to see a doctor for this! You can't see a physio without a referral from a doctor, so even if they might be more useful, it's doctor first and they are perhaps less likely to send you to a physio for something comparatively mild. My parents, who have both had minor annoyances from things like this in the past, agree that it sounds like the kind of thing you're supposed to treat at home, but I don't know HOW to treat it at home, and I don't even know the right search terms to investigate how (or if): heat or cold? stretches or trying to hold it immobile??? Ibuprofen or not? So maybe I have to call a doctor about this???? As mild as the discomfort now is... I know that I still can't start knitting again while it's here, and it's never stuck around this long before.

My one idea, lying in bed last night, was that I might be able to find tips by looking for posts about stretches and aches and pains specific to knitters. All the ones I've seen before have had to do mostly with the wrists and hands and maybe the neck a little bit? But there's bound to be some SOMEWHERE, right? Another issue: the position and the repetitive movements are somewhat different in continental vs. English/American standard knitting, so are all the English-language results going to be talking about English knitting and useless???

I can't throw myself into researching this at the moment, though. I was thrown into a tizzy this morning with reminders of three things I have been putting off (ADHD tax) but have to fix:

1. signing up for driving lessons,



2. cleaning another 8 months' worth of crud out of my email and trying AGAIN to unsubscribe from everything possible so that my email might be usable, instead of overwhelming me with a wall of unparsable random trash every time I try to open or use it?,



3. apparently my notification settings are messed up on one of the... I think currently SIX SEPARATE Finnish goverment websites that I have to have different accounts on and sign up and alter the settings on SEPARATELY and they DON'T EVEN ALL WORK THE SAME and thinking about dealing with them always makes me want to cry. But I digress, anyway, the last time I was at this one, it seemed to be working fine and I thought 'Oh! This was surprisingly easy!' except this morning I got a call and apparently there was a notification through it sent to me that I NEVER GOT, so somehow I managed to fuck up the notification settings I guess? So I have to go back and try to figure out how? I didn't get in trouble and the call was fine, I'm just stressed about trying to fix the website. I hate government websites. They always give me a headache and not infrequently reduce me to tears.

So this was all before breakfast (because I was sitting hanging out with Tristana in the sunbeam instead of going to eat, even though I was already hungry). And as a result I was unprepared to Cope before breakfast, but then I discovered it's Monday morning which means it's time to refill my pillbox, and I didn't feel up to filling my pillbox before breakfast. But that would mess up my routine (to do it after) so I unwisely - invoking the ADHD tax again - decided to just take the foil packets of the pills today and then fill it after breakfast, but then because I wasn't following my pillbox routine I accidentally took a whole SSRI instead of a half for the first time in over six months. This is ANOTHER ADHD tax, because I've known my old doctor retired since December, and I can't have the monthly phone calls you get to check in on your psych meds until I meet my new doctor in person, but I haven't gotten around to meeting my new doctor in person, so I've just been using up my prescription and taking half pills instead of asking for a new prescription for the smaller dose. This should not be disastrous. I'll probably get those funky sparks when you move your head, perhaps, at worse. However, I briefly panicked about it and took an entire benzo, on top of my ADHD meds, and on top of this double dose. It seems fine so far? I turned on some music and furiously dust mopped and cleaned the vacuum. But I'm still not happy because oh, also, that means:

4. I have to make an appointment with my new doctor whose name I don't know which might mean I have to call and wait in the phone queue instead of using the nice web portal like usual.

4b. This reminds me I was supposed to sign up for some blood tests in February but I was too tired. To contemplate going out of the house to be blood tested. So I didn't. I gotta do that too.

It's too many things. Yes, I took my ADHD medicine, but it doesn't fix that - like, the issue of too many things on the list - it just, as one memorable Tumblr post said, starts the Roomba. It doesn't prevent it from getting stuck under the sofa.

When you search for your issue and it's like: "There exist several promising avenues of treatment for this malady, most notable among which is the solemn practice of Mindfulness, while not to be forgotten is that most ancient India-appropriated religious practice of Yoga!"

(I'm paraphrasing, admittedly.)

Yes, pre-menopause CAN just make you sweat more and simultaneously make your sweat stinkier and also smell like the sweat of a completely different person and/or like urine because there can be so much ammonia in it. And also make your sense of smell more acute at the same time.

Isn't that lovely? And apart from hormone replacement therapy, your options are: wash more, antiperspirant more, or try not to sweat (see also: Mindfulness and Yoga). (I don't think yoga in general seems ideally suited to reduce sweating, but I can't say I'm surprised to see it in the recommended list. Does a woman need to calm down? Why not try yoga!)

Umm so as of just today I keep sneezing, lots and lots. I'd say I've had like ten sneezing spells today, maybe?

This seems like it should be indicative of an allergen, but how could I have got newly exposed to an allergen when I haven't left the house since the 23rd?

I hope I didn't somehow get covid from one of the relatives, although nobody was sick recently... but I can't find any indication of recent variants known to start with sneezing. And I have to admit that that sounds more like an allergy than like an infection of the airways...

I have never had formal allergy testing. I PROBABLY have a dust allergy because I live with post nasal drip all the time and so does my dad and my sister got the testing when she was little and it was dust for her. I definitely am violently allergic to at least one perfume ingredient, as well as hypersensitive to many other perfumes. I am not aware of any hay or pollen or food allergies or anything like that. I know you can suddenly become allergic to something when you weren't before, but... huh.

I went to Turku yesterday and saw my friend and met her cat!

Next we need to make an appointment with the animal behaviorist, for a time we can both do. Wax thinks I should contact the driving school right away to sign up for driving lessons, but I wonder if the fact that it just snowed and stuck for the first time will be bad?

And I have to go to Turku for a mammogram a week from tomorrow. I've never had one before, but my paternal family is high risk, and I had a benign lump in my 20s, and at that time they said to get screened again when I was 40. I am dreading it, though. I think last time I just had an ultrasound.

Eta: these aren't all the things on my list, but it is short and yet still overwhelming. I am lying down so that Sipuli will cuddle me today, because I was gone yesterday and didn't spend much time with her. That means I can't knit, because she doesn't like sitting in chairs but sitting up on the futon is bad for my back.