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cimorenethis fic (not mine... alas... *cough*) is trying really, really, really hard to be bad. i'm not sure if you could try harder. and... it succeeds.
*coughcough* let's not tell you what we read to give us this idea.
there may or may not be a crossover between star wars and the simpsons after this cutaway set in middle earth.
fic by![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
hollsk, who doesn't write like this when not on crack.
As the sun set over the grassy hills of Middle Earth, Darth Maul and Homer Simpson lay in each others arms. The warmth of the sun had left them, but the heat from each others bodies kept them from being cold.
"What would I ever do without you?" Homer said, running his hand across Maul's face.
"We will never have to find that out my love, we are bound together for eternity. Our love binds us in a heavenly union!" Maul kissed Homer feverishly. "You have erased the sins from my past with just one kiss!"
"I can't believe you were ever evil my angel, your soul is too pure, that was another person," Homer wiped a tear from his eye. "He had your body, but it couldnt have been you, you wouldnt even hurt a fly!"
"It was me my dear, but that part of my life is over, now I only live for you," Maul kissed Homer again. "Just as your life as an average worker is over, now we live in paradise together!"
"I could never return to the life I had before! I could never live without the passion you stir in me!" Homer's tears flowed down his cheeks. "I would wither and die without you!"
"Oh Homer..." Maul kissed Homer again, tears falling from his eyes. Their tears flowed together as they kissed, a river of passion running between their faces, into a pool on the ground. Suddenly the ground began to shake beneath them, it shook so hard that Maul and Homer had to jump to their feet and step away. It was at this moment when a minotaur, glistening from head to toe with the tears of their love, erupted from the ground.
"I am Argufuka the Minotaur! I am the spirit of true love!" The minotaur looked down upon Maul and Homer. "Who summons me from my rest?"
"We are the only people here, and we didnt summon you," Homer looked at Maul who was gazing up at the Minotaur still.
"You do not need to speak words to bring me forth! I am called by the love in your hearts and the tears from your eyes!" The Minotaurs voice was very loud.
"Then that would be us who summoned you!" Maul said, squeezing Homer's hand. "There is no love anywhere that is as strong or pure as ours!"
"I can tell, it radiates from you like rays from the golden sun," The Minotaur said softly. "I am not here to hurt or scare you, I am here to grant you a wish in the name of true love. It can be anything, as long as love is involved."
"Any wish I could think of would have Maul in it any way," Homer smiled sweetly. "And when I think of him, only love comes to my mind."
"That is so sweet!" The Minotaur smiled. "Would you like some time to think up your wish?"
"I think I know what we want," Maul looked deep into Homer's eyes, he could read his mind. "We want to be together forever, we wish that nothing could ever separate us."
"Then it shall be done!" The Minotaur waved around his magic minotaur wand and covered them in sparkles that sparkled like the stars. They could feel their love swelling in their hearts until it felt like they were going to burst. Then the Minotaur disappeared.
"He's granted our wish my love!" Homer kissed Maul passionately.
"Yes he has, and I've never been so happy before!" Maul looked deep into Homer's eyes and sighed.
"Then why arent you smiling?" Homer asked.
"Because if I smiled, then you would smile more, and all the joy that would bring me might make me explode."
"Oh Maul!" Homer threw himself into Mauls arms and kissed him as the moon glowed down on them and a million stars streaked though the clear sky. The night was perfect, and so was their love.
*coughcough* let's not tell you what we read to give us this idea.
there may or may not be a crossover between star wars and the simpsons after this cutaway set in middle earth.
fic by
hollsk, who doesn't write like this when not on crack.As the sun set over the grassy hills of Middle Earth, Darth Maul and Homer Simpson lay in each others arms. The warmth of the sun had left them, but the heat from each others bodies kept them from being cold.
"What would I ever do without you?" Homer said, running his hand across Maul's face.
"We will never have to find that out my love, we are bound together for eternity. Our love binds us in a heavenly union!" Maul kissed Homer feverishly. "You have erased the sins from my past with just one kiss!"
"I can't believe you were ever evil my angel, your soul is too pure, that was another person," Homer wiped a tear from his eye. "He had your body, but it couldnt have been you, you wouldnt even hurt a fly!"
"It was me my dear, but that part of my life is over, now I only live for you," Maul kissed Homer again. "Just as your life as an average worker is over, now we live in paradise together!"
"I could never return to the life I had before! I could never live without the passion you stir in me!" Homer's tears flowed down his cheeks. "I would wither and die without you!"
"Oh Homer..." Maul kissed Homer again, tears falling from his eyes. Their tears flowed together as they kissed, a river of passion running between their faces, into a pool on the ground. Suddenly the ground began to shake beneath them, it shook so hard that Maul and Homer had to jump to their feet and step away. It was at this moment when a minotaur, glistening from head to toe with the tears of their love, erupted from the ground.
"I am Argufuka the Minotaur! I am the spirit of true love!" The minotaur looked down upon Maul and Homer. "Who summons me from my rest?"
"We are the only people here, and we didnt summon you," Homer looked at Maul who was gazing up at the Minotaur still.
"You do not need to speak words to bring me forth! I am called by the love in your hearts and the tears from your eyes!" The Minotaurs voice was very loud.
"Then that would be us who summoned you!" Maul said, squeezing Homer's hand. "There is no love anywhere that is as strong or pure as ours!"
"I can tell, it radiates from you like rays from the golden sun," The Minotaur said softly. "I am not here to hurt or scare you, I am here to grant you a wish in the name of true love. It can be anything, as long as love is involved."
"Any wish I could think of would have Maul in it any way," Homer smiled sweetly. "And when I think of him, only love comes to my mind."
"That is so sweet!" The Minotaur smiled. "Would you like some time to think up your wish?"
"I think I know what we want," Maul looked deep into Homer's eyes, he could read his mind. "We want to be together forever, we wish that nothing could ever separate us."
"Then it shall be done!" The Minotaur waved around his magic minotaur wand and covered them in sparkles that sparkled like the stars. They could feel their love swelling in their hearts until it felt like they were going to burst. Then the Minotaur disappeared.
"He's granted our wish my love!" Homer kissed Maul passionately.
"Yes he has, and I've never been so happy before!" Maul looked deep into Homer's eyes and sighed.
"Then why arent you smiling?" Homer asked.
"Because if I smiled, then you would smile more, and all the joy that would bring me might make me explode."
"Oh Maul!" Homer threw himself into Mauls arms and kissed him as the moon glowed down on them and a million stars streaked though the clear sky. The night was perfect, and so was their love.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 15 May 2002 08:53 pm (UTC)My brain just imploded.
-whimper-
(no subject)
Date: 15 May 2002 08:54 pm (UTC)Anyone who reads fanfics stumbles upon something incredibly shitty now and then, and I'm hoping a few of those authors find this one!
I am humbled.
Date: 15 May 2002 08:59 pm (UTC)"As the sun set over the grassy hills of Middle Earth, Darth Maul and Homer Simpson lay in each others arms. The warmth of the sun had left them, but the heat from each others bodies kept them from being cold."
Can I frame that? Maybe in needlepoint?
Seriously, you rule!
Re: I am humbled.
Date: 15 May 2002 09:00 pm (UTC)I was expecting more people to heave barrels of rotting fruit at me!