bad sex words

[cimorene]

[Poll #1079892]

ETA: write-ins in the comments, please.

Comments

[sweetvalleyslut.livejournal.com]

"Swollen hunger" still wins the prize for me in this fandom.

[revulo.livejournal.com]

"Orbs" has got to be the worst term ever.
..."weeping"?

[stungunbilly.livejournal.com]

I was really torn between "entrance", which always makes me think, "no, if it must be one or the other it really is an exit" and "channel" which brings clearly to mind just what it runs with. I had to go with "entrance" but it was a close thing. And for part two, "member" came hard on the heels of "rod".
But there was never even a moment of hesitation over "orbs". Always a winner in the "cheesiest possible description" category, especially if precious stones are involved.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

Good choices! It's hard to choose, sometimes. There's also the twin categories of "stupid" and "revolting" which contend with each other. Personally, "channel" is possibly the grossest, but I find "hole" so indescribably silly a euphemism that I have to go with it. ("Entrance" is close after, though.)

[cimness.livejournal.com]

:.( Everyone seems to hate weeping the most, probably because it brings to mind disease and open wounds...

[cimness.livejournal.com]

Good point. It was pointed out to me too late to add it to the poll, alas. At least it's not as common as the others...

[brownbetty]

re: channel, I await with excitement the fic that uses "chunnel"

[guinevere33.livejournal.com]

The term I've always hated, dating back from my teenage romance novel days, is "his/her sex". WTF is that? In women it's so vague it could be referring to almost any part of the genitalia! Note to authors: sex is an act, not a body part.

[anatsuno.livejournal.com]

You... count hole as a euphemism? euphemism? for anus? it's not a hole? I'm not mocking, I'm downright linguistically confused. *wanders to look for dictionary*

[stungunbilly.livejournal.com]

I suppose we must be grateful that no writer has yet thought to use "foyer" as a euphemism.
Though, maybe I'll come to regret even putting the idea out there...

[revulo.livejournal.com]

I've never seen it in a fic before.
Which I regard as a VERY good thing.

[vass]

Maybe if the character is French/English?

[farwing.livejournal.com]

It is very difficult for me to choose. *cries*

[cimness.livejournal.com]

Did you knock on wood?

[brownbetty]

Perhaps if the pairing is French/English?

[cimness.livejournal.com]

I would find "orifice" a silly euphemism as well, even though it's technically both of them, because it seems to be a choice motivated either by the desire to choose porn words or by the dreaded Hunt For Synonyms. Although, really, while it's certainly an orifice, it's more an entrance than a hole, I suppose, since it's a perfectly natural opening that's supposed to be there and it's not like it's a break in the skin or anything.

[anatsuno.livejournal.com]

I find orifice somewhat silly in erotica/porn, because it's a clinical word and it doesn't feel like it belongs much in a text that is not itself clinical... But I use hole all the time, along with asshole and the metonymous version of "ass", for variety.. I wouldn't have called either of them euphemisms in the circumstance, more like synonyms (with possible metonymy) involved, whereas orifice *feels* like it would be used to avoid the perceived crassness of the appropriate denomintations (hence, yes, I would call it a euphemistic term in porn, like channel, entrance etc).

I also don't always mind reading 'entrance' though I like it in spare amounts, and prefer the full 'entrance to his body' version somehow.. I think my subjective impression is that if you're going to use that euphemism you better cop to it honestly and use it in full, instead of shortening it and trying to make me think of the use of that word there was perfectly normal and accurate when it's somewhat not, since euphemistic - I know, weird thought process.

Otoh, I would never myself *write* entrance - if I have, you can be sure I forced myself to and I must have had what felt like a good reason at the time - I can stand reading it but not writing it. How weird.

[vass]

Or France/England!

(is reminded of the Yes Prime Minister episode where there's a state funeral for the former PM, and included the memorable moment when one ambassador (French? I can't remember) tells Humphrey that the former PM's problem was that he had a lot of this, *points to head*, a lot of this, *points to heart*, but not enough of this - and groped Humphrey.)

[schonste.livejournal.com]

HATE BROWN PEBBLEs. WHAT THE HELL GEhaf;sd barftown.

[stungunbilly.livejournal.com]

Oh, hey, I'll do that now. Hope it isn't too late.
I wonder if anyone has ever written a sex scene in which the anal aperture is described completely as a metaphorical gothic cathedral. It brings to mind horrible puns involving "gilt" and "inlaid".
Still better than "orbs", though.

[hollsh.livejournal.com]

...brown...pebbles...?

[kyuuketsukirui.livejournal.com]

But I use hole all the time, along with asshole and the metonymous version of "ass", for variety.. I wouldn't have called either of them euphemisms in the circumstance, more like synonyms

Yes to all of this. I don't think of hole as a euphemism because it's simply a shortening of asshole. Sometimes in context asshole just seems redundant or too long for the rhythm of the sentence. I use both all the time.

[ukcalico.livejournal.com]

*nodnod* Yes! I agree with all of this.

Two further points:

1. Whilst obviously many are hilarious/revolting, I don't find there are actually *any* sexual terms that are particularly exciting - for me it's all about the picture being built and the, er, rhythms of the scene. Therefore the majority of the time I use the mildest, least descriptive terms (hot and hard, yes; red and angry, no; meaty pole, never) and I tend to use terms repetitively (eg I'd say cock every time, rather than alternating between cock, dick, erection, etc) because I think they become invisible¹ more quickly.

On the hole/entrance/etc debate, when I feel it needs something more specific than 'inside him'... I ponder this for hours! I always used to err towards 'entrance to his body' because with the right pov focus that's exactly what it *is*; nowadays I'm in coarser fandoms *g* and so I'm starting to use 'hole' or 'asshole' from time to time. Or 'arsehole', if he's British.

Which brings me on to:

2. Having said all that about *my* preferences, it's really all about POV! So I will break any and all of my above-stated rules if the character is the sort to think about having a sex² or a manhood or an orifice or whathaveyou (although possibly at that point I'd also fade-to-black, ew).


¹ in the way that the very "said" is effectively invisible in most scenes
²For all I loathe "his sex" I still suspect that's how elves and Aragorn think of theirs.

[ukcalico.livejournal.com]

the very? the verb!

[merryish.livejournal.com]

The first line of your comment has me sitting at work with tears of hilarity in my eyes; THANKS!

I was working on a story a while back in which I really wanted to write a little nipple-sucking in the sex scene, and yet found myself oddly reluctant to use the word "nipple". I suspect this is because I had said it to myself so many times, in trying to find an alternate, that the word itself had started to sound ridiculous, and every time I tried to write it, I started laughing. (It sounded even more hilarious in Sam Winchester's voice; try it!)

In the end I just :: kof :: sucked it up and used "nipple", because there simply IS no acceptable substitute. But the writing process for that scene pretty much obliterated my ability to ever re-read it... =)

[anatsuno.livejournal.com]

about invisibility and pov: totally. I mean, sometimes I am willfully not going for invisibility at all (I have been writing porn more "crass" than what I know - and tend to worship! - of your writing), and since rhythm matters a lot, like Grace says, the various versions (cock vs dick vs penis vs shaft etc) will cycle for euphonic reasons, variety's and visibilty's sake, etc. But when pov rules over the text then the character's words will rule over mine, and if the character or the mood of the piece so dictate it, invisibility can become a crucial factor. *nodnod*

Funnily though, while you don't find any particular terms exciting, I must admit that while it's all about context for me (the piece itself will determine if I find something sexy or not), there are a few really set things that I will tend to always find sexy or always repulsive.

Sidenote: I'm happy to hear you write coarser stuff nows! And though it's not in my fandoms, I think I will HAVE TO check that out, omg. The hot like burning of Sabotage transferred to +x years of ex. + harsher descriptive language should do it for me just fine. *g*

Oh, and I think you're probably THE reason that I like "entrance to his body". :D

[msilverstar]

Nipples, really! It took me a moment too.

[stungunbilly.livejournal.com]

It's always a pleasure to make someone laugh on company time. \o/
Nipple is just a funny word, and attempts to get around that just remind you of the hilarity. It's a tragedy. I think one has to use tactical distraction to sneak it by the reader. We should just be grateful nobody tries to compare the "nubs" with gemstones. Pink quartz? Rubies? OMG. Fruit is bad enough.

[(It sounded even more hilarious in Sam Winchester's voice; try it!)]
Turned on and laughing at the same time; not a bad feeling, really.

[copracat]

"no, if it must be one or the other it really is an exit"

Oh no! I have never thought that before but now that you mention it I will never be able to not think it!

[telesilla.livejournal.com]

You're lucky.

[acari.livejournal.com]

Oh thank god! I was afraid where my mind went.

[stungunbilly.livejournal.com]

Erm. Sorry?
::actually feels kind of bad::
::but not very on account of the funny::

[kitsune13.livejournal.com]

SPN fandom: "whines" and "grunts" are NOT SEXY, people. The first is a spoiled toddler, the second a rooting pig. Ugh.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

Yes, it's true that it's all about POV! Although it's rare that I believe 'entrance' is the term a character would think in - 'hole', though I unequivocally personally despise it, is much more likely to sound in character.

I won't condemn the writing in a scene if I think character voice was true, but if I'm being *un*necessarily put off by euphemisms or that indefinable, yet laughable aura of Everything I Know I Learned From Reading Porn, then I'll probably nosewrinkle/mock/put the author on a mental blacklist.

All other things being equal, I'm with you on invisibility. I think 'dick' or 'cock' and 'ass' are generally the most common choices, in a conetemporary setting.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

I suspect that many of us will now have that problem.

[dunautremonde.livejournal.com]

The fact that the "pebbles" may or may not be brown tells me you're writing something absolutely kinky.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

I'm not writing it, but I'm sad to tell you that it's just that fandom is only about 60% convinced that all male nipples are brown.

[someblazingstar.livejournal.com]

THAT IS MY QUANDRY. Almost every option is too horrible for words! How can I pick only one per question??