Cimorene

Well, the thing is, I can't easily suggest alternate phrasings because the summary doesn't quite make sense.

I guessed at once that you were a non-native speaker, but there are enough problems in translation that I can't guess, from looking at the sentence, what you intended to say well enough to rephrase it. I could imagine a near-infinite number of possible scenarios for what the story is actually about, because as it stands the sentence gives so little information that I really have almost no idea: just that Adam is possibly under some false impression(s) and possibly dissatisfied with something, and that this (these) thing(s) stop after Kris either figuratively or literally slaps him for some undisclosed reason.

For example, the most literal interpretation would be that Adam is suffering from a massive false belief about himself that affects his whole life, such as Tom Cruise's delusion that he can levitate things with his mind, or my grandpa's delusion that he is only a year or so away from striking it rich by building a golf resort on his farm without hiring any labor (but I have no idea what kind of delusion this might be, and the possibilities are endless). In addition to this, he also wistfully nurses an unrequited passion for someone - the most common use of "pining". What happens in the story is that Kris appears and slaps him, and he subsequently awakens to reality and also gets over his crush. But even if that is what happens in the story, it still wouldn't be correct, because:

• A delusional person would not normally be said to live a "delusional life". It's not a natural phrase. People are delusional; lives aren't.


• "To pine" is almost always used in the form "pining". In present tense, "he's pining" rather than "he pines". Furthermore, it doesn't make sense to use "pine" without any further context: there's pining away (which is more intense, and can imply the melodramatic suggestion that the person in question is going to die of love); there's pining after someone; there's pining for someone.


• Putting the comment about delusions and the comment about pining in the same clause in that way implies that they're logically connected somehow in the story's events, and it's very hard to imagine how that could be true. Having delusions is one thing, and unrequited love is another.


• The abrupt introduction of being slapped in the face in the second clause would give the impression that the fic was perhaps a brief comedy piece, but the rest of the sentence doesn't seem to fit with that hypothesis.

I think the best advice I can give you, in short, is that you may be attempting to express things more complex and ambitious than your command of English can support (also, it's advice, not advices. You get a piece of advice, or several pieces of advice). Using expressions or words that you aren't sure about - that you haven't mastered - is always an iffy prospect in a foreign language, because words never translate exactly from one language to another, so you will rarely end up saying what you want to say if you look up a word or phrase in a dictionary and try to guess how to use it. Sometimes it will work, but sometimes your sentences will just be too confusing for people to decipher. You clearly have a good command of conversational English, though, so you are quite capable of communicating in it. If you wrote more simply, with shorter and less grammatically complex sentences, and using much more basic words, you'd be less likely to run into misunderstandings.

As for how to improve your English vocabulary and grammar, the best and only fool-proof way is to read as much as possible, watch American media (tv shows and movies more than reality shows) in English without subtitles, and practice conversing with native speakers. You need to read and hear words and phrases as they're used naturally in context and then practice using them the same way yourself - it's much easier to get corrections on the fly and figure out how to say what you want in conversation than in prose, where the sentences are so much longer and more complex (and besides that, many native speakers don't have the talent for spotting mistakes as they read, or the talent for explaining those mistakes to someone, so even a native speaker beta isn't a sure bet).