don't look so scared

[cimorene]

i'm going to paint some more bookshelves and then take a nap. it's sunny outside, and the whole inside of my room is dusky, not gray, almost purple, with light filtering in in little luminescent pale bars from the blinds and the curtains. light off, fan on, the dog sleeping and emitting suspicious smells, and the cats the same only fuzzier at the other end of the house. i could take a nap and wake up again . and work and not work all day and be happy, and i don't know why. sometimes it just seems like everything about life is beautiful, even sadness, and i want to cling to every little emotion with my teeth and toenails before i can forget it. i like the smell of dust and the little wrinkles in paper and the weird way your hands feel when it's cold and dry and it's like they shrink, plasticy papery. my dad doesn't understand me anymore and i mostly only find that reassuring. ::poke::

i'm a bit hungry. also lazy. mm.

Comments

[mcee.livejournal.com]

so tell me, cim-thing, all this lovely painting, is it work or pleasure?

[lightyears.livejournal.com]

I wish I had bookshelves to paint, but that's only because I want the finished product. I don't want to do the manual labor in this f-ing heat.

My father has never understood me. That's why I've created a fake Melissa, sort of like an attached clone-self, for him to understand instead. It sounds stupid but I'm serious. There's a superficial-level daughter, and then there's the real me, and as of right now I can't mix the two.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

my parents are paying me $50, which is a lousy hourly wage. i'm mostly doing it to please my mother.