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cimoreneanother candidate for the sweat nymph award was discovered at the not-too-choosy smallville slash archive, here.
okay, it was really two stories mixed together, for a start. it used the time-honored tradition of skipping back and forth between two scenes with a little page break thingy and no further explanation. which, okay, i've been occasionally guilty of, although not when the scenes were occurring in two separate universes.
story #1 was about clark kent's friend pete having a party with drugs and marijuana. clark goes (lana is also there, naturally) and takes one hit of pot and passes out, evidently, because next thing you know it's, that's right, folks, a SCENE SWITCH, and...:
suddenly clark is on this table and lex and hamilton are--get this--DISSECTING/KISSING HIM. well, lex is doing whatever sexual stuff is going on, which is not a lot, but is enough to be confusing given that clark is tied up with kryptonite chains and twitching. and has green veins and other bad effects such as screaming. okay, but maybe it's just bdsm. um. or something. they're torturing him... with sexual innuendo. well, stranger things have certainly happened.
and so (scene switch, back at the party) he's in convulsions or somesuch, and lana can tell he's ill. rather than calling 911 to save his life--because she doesn't want anyone to be arrested, she calls lex. 'you're the only one who can save him,' lana says. lex comes charging up in his limo. he drives the limo back to the castle himself, with clark having convulsions in the back seat, head on lana's lap. there is no sign or mention of whitney.
scene switch: they're torturing him for his secrets. he's like, 'i don't know!' and lex is like, 'i don't believe you.' in a silken voice, naturally. he nods at hamilton, or something. there are a lot of extra switches in here between house/limo and torture chamber, but essentially, lex gives up on hearing the information and hamilton cuts clark's torso open from sternum down. 'his organs look human,' hamilton reports. clark screams.
naturally that's our cue for a scene switch so that when lana and lex discover clark is bleeding and start to panic there can be no doubt that this is somehow connected to the preceding snippet. now it's evident that not only is lex not an evil guy who wants to torture clark, he loves him. he can't lose clark! and he's thoroughly confident that no medical assistance is needed, or at least, it doesn't occur to him. he's trying to wake clark up himself. he doesn't consider that he might fail. this is probably becasue they're soulmates and lex intuitively knows that clark will have to come back for him. the stunning originality of this idea takes my breath away, so at the next scene switch,...
...i'm blinking even more than i might have been when lex and hamilton begin to discuss the possibility of 'losing' clark. apparently his organs function, but he's 'going away' in his mind or something. drifting back to lex? hm. we shall see. hamilton's lex is very upset by this. in fact, they both are. how will they learn his alien secrets if he drifts away?
scene switch. lex wakes clark up. clark is like, 'huh?' at last, lex takes off clark's shirt, and they discover that he HASN'T been bleeding. no wonder they couldn't stop the blood; there was no wound! lex: ...huh. there's no cut. it must have been sweat mixing with the red dye from his shirt! lana inexplicably goes away and clark and lex have a heart-warming moment with dialogue or something.
back in the torture chamber, lex and hamilton are defeated. he's GONE! all their evil plans. down the drain, like that.
and finally--the last, least explicable scene of all--is at pete's house the next morning, where two partygoers including pete speculate about clark's whereabouts. maybe pete's pot made everyone except lana unconscious, because they don't remember him leaving, but they assume that it was under his own power. and they dismiss the events of the previous night--which are, as the last sentence tells us, 'forgotten--or ARE they?' (that may not be the word-for-word quote.)
THE END.
cim thing: so what the fucking hell is the moral?
cim thing: 'don't smoke pot'?
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hollsk: That happens sometimes when I smoke pot, my life turns into a shitty fic.
cim thing: maybe it's 'pot is the gateway to an alternate universe where your nightmares become reality, and your soulmate is torturing you to death, and if you're really injured it will do you irreparable harm. luckily, it's not COMPLETELY inescapable, so make sure you have your soulmate handy to call you back to reality!'
if you figure it out... let me know.
okay, it was really two stories mixed together, for a start. it used the time-honored tradition of skipping back and forth between two scenes with a little page break thingy and no further explanation. which, okay, i've been occasionally guilty of, although not when the scenes were occurring in two separate universes.
story #1 was about clark kent's friend pete having a party with drugs and marijuana. clark goes (lana is also there, naturally) and takes one hit of pot and passes out, evidently, because next thing you know it's, that's right, folks, a SCENE SWITCH, and...:
suddenly clark is on this table and lex and hamilton are--get this--DISSECTING/KISSING HIM. well, lex is doing whatever sexual stuff is going on, which is not a lot, but is enough to be confusing given that clark is tied up with kryptonite chains and twitching. and has green veins and other bad effects such as screaming. okay, but maybe it's just bdsm. um. or something. they're torturing him... with sexual innuendo. well, stranger things have certainly happened.
and so (scene switch, back at the party) he's in convulsions or somesuch, and lana can tell he's ill. rather than calling 911 to save his life--because she doesn't want anyone to be arrested, she calls lex. 'you're the only one who can save him,' lana says. lex comes charging up in his limo. he drives the limo back to the castle himself, with clark having convulsions in the back seat, head on lana's lap. there is no sign or mention of whitney.
scene switch: they're torturing him for his secrets. he's like, 'i don't know!' and lex is like, 'i don't believe you.' in a silken voice, naturally. he nods at hamilton, or something. there are a lot of extra switches in here between house/limo and torture chamber, but essentially, lex gives up on hearing the information and hamilton cuts clark's torso open from sternum down. 'his organs look human,' hamilton reports. clark screams.
naturally that's our cue for a scene switch so that when lana and lex discover clark is bleeding and start to panic there can be no doubt that this is somehow connected to the preceding snippet. now it's evident that not only is lex not an evil guy who wants to torture clark, he loves him. he can't lose clark! and he's thoroughly confident that no medical assistance is needed, or at least, it doesn't occur to him. he's trying to wake clark up himself. he doesn't consider that he might fail. this is probably becasue they're soulmates and lex intuitively knows that clark will have to come back for him. the stunning originality of this idea takes my breath away, so at the next scene switch,...
...i'm blinking even more than i might have been when lex and hamilton begin to discuss the possibility of 'losing' clark. apparently his organs function, but he's 'going away' in his mind or something. drifting back to lex? hm. we shall see. hamilton's lex is very upset by this. in fact, they both are. how will they learn his alien secrets if he drifts away?
scene switch. lex wakes clark up. clark is like, 'huh?' at last, lex takes off clark's shirt, and they discover that he HASN'T been bleeding. no wonder they couldn't stop the blood; there was no wound! lex: ...huh. there's no cut. it must have been sweat mixing with the red dye from his shirt! lana inexplicably goes away and clark and lex have a heart-warming moment with dialogue or something.
back in the torture chamber, lex and hamilton are defeated. he's GONE! all their evil plans. down the drain, like that.
and finally--the last, least explicable scene of all--is at pete's house the next morning, where two partygoers including pete speculate about clark's whereabouts. maybe pete's pot made everyone except lana unconscious, because they don't remember him leaving, but they assume that it was under his own power. and they dismiss the events of the previous night--which are, as the last sentence tells us, 'forgotten--or ARE they?' (that may not be the word-for-word quote.)
THE END.
cim thing: so what the fucking hell is the moral?
cim thing: 'don't smoke pot'?
hollsk: That happens sometimes when I smoke pot, my life turns into a shitty fic.cim thing: maybe it's 'pot is the gateway to an alternate universe where your nightmares become reality, and your soulmate is torturing you to death, and if you're really injured it will do you irreparable harm. luckily, it's not COMPLETELY inescapable, so make sure you have your soulmate handy to call you back to reality!'
if you figure it out... let me know.
