contradance

[cimorene]

i'm a quite good dancer and i've missed it all summer. i'm just worried i'll suddenly find out i've forgotten how when i get back. i'm really quite ready to leave, though. am tired of being home. being around people who don't know your parents is really different from people who do. people who remember when i was nine years old and used to wear purple stirrup tights and a large green t-shirt to church simply can't have the same perspective as my new acquaintances who guess wrong my age and my name and where i grew up, because i don't, thank you, have a southern accent. and i guess i feel like i'm more me there.

they say you can never go home again. blah blah, which is really fucking deep. but you can't. and i'm thinking i don't want to spend another summer at home, like ever.

oh, and the thing about not wanting to buy clothes all of a sudden? i spoke too soon. i haven't bought any since, like, spring break, unless you count bras and underwear and two pairs of shoes, and i haven't even been much to the mall, and some ny & co pictures didn't tempt me at all (!!!), but then... a chance glimpse over my little sister's shoulder at delia's, which i don't even like, filled me with lust for sweaters. yes, cardigan ones, the kind with those big collars that fold over. mm, possibly the kind that zip up. maybe a short duster--i only have one duster. look for me on the floor at express or the limited or aeropostale, twitching in mindless ecstasy.

Comments

[thelionforreal.livejournal.com]

i haven't summered at home since i was 17, the summer before i was a freshman in college. not with the parents here, nor with the ones back south. (my poor daddy, he keeps referring to mississippi as home, when it isn't anymore. i think he knows that and just doesn't want to admit it.) for me, when i do go back to visit, it's not about being with people who knew me when i was nine. it's about being with people who knew me when i was 14. the friends who became the people i escaped becoming. when i visited at christmas, i sat in a room with all of my best friends from six years ago and had never felt so totally separate from anyone in my life. they were all married. with children. the oldest friend is only 3 years older than i am.

i don't know why i'm rambling on. i suppose i'm just trying to express that i understand how you feel, but not exactly, as i never went home after i started college. not for a period of time longer than a week. leaving the south and going to school somewhere that's so different from where you left changes you, as you've learned.

okay, i'm done. sorry for taking this opportunity to ramble on in your lj. *grin*

[cimness.livejournal.com]

as my friend brooke put it, 'high school--what WAS that?' :) i really do know what you mean, but i'm not trying to escape all of my friends--i've got three or four i'd really like to keep.