cimorene

Went back through my dream tag looking unsuccessfully for a particular dream and instead found a lot of dreams I had forgotten about and ended up laughing till I cried.

Nov 2009: Last night I dreamed that there was a thriving industry in schmaltzy art and Hallmark cards... all produced by chimpanzees. When I woke, I was on the verge of saying, "But the question is whether chimps are innately twee or if they're socialized to be that way."

March 2010: Last night I dreamed my 8th grade English teacher... put me in a group with Ronon, Teyla, and Gwen from Merlin and then assigned us dust (literally: dust) as an essay topic. I was so pissed off that I started ranting at her - "I can't write an essay about DUST!"

August 2011: The night before last I dreamt that I wore my midriff-baring winged cat tshirt to a job interview and told them "I know it's inappropriate, but it's such a great shirt that I couldn't not wear it!"

Sept 2011: Dreamt my cousins and I were searching the freezer bins at Food World for the perfect icecream, and right at the end, I found out my eldest cousin used to be into vore, which was a casual NBD sidenote to him.

Oct 2011: Last night I dreamt that my class was putting on a play of Pride & Prejudice. When I woke up we were getting "Team Pemberley" ballcaps, and I was arguing that they ought to have said "Team Longbourne".

Oct 2011: I dreamt that my parents put a small graveyard in their backyard, and that Terry Pratchett killed off Aziraphale in his next book and a woman I'd never liked anyway spoiled me the day after its release by calling there and asking for a tombstone for him even though he was a fictional character. Also they had a Halloween party which was ruined by a haunted electric guitar which danced around the house twanging itself and which nobody could catch, not even with the advice of the full orchestra installed in the second bathroom.

Sept 2013: I was just dreaming that I was a librarian in a giant library where all the librarians were magicians, and we had suddenly developed a problem with giant sinister androids that looked like Krusty the Clown with green skin, but about 8 feet tall, who were frequently opening interdimensional portals and coming through to destroy bits of the library and then flee. When I woke up I'd just linked arms with 4 other librarians and we were loudly singing an impromptu battle song as we marched towards the interdimensional portal, which was on the floor among the children's books, and then I suddenly woke up. Wide awake, but with a really lame anti-android battle song stuck in my head.

Aug 2008: I had a nightmare that I was at a play when the theatre employees herded the audience into a cafeteria instead and tried to poison us with cake, then pinned us to the floor under some sort of evil blankets (?) and 'tortured' us by mocking photographs of our families.

May 2009: This remarkable dream wherein the neighbor kids invented clean energy. I arrived at my parents' house to find the deck completely lit up by a LAN party's worth of computers and half a game arcade and none of it plugged into a power source. "Shouldn't these be plugged in?" I said. "No," said Neighbor #1, "we've got a neverending supply of electricity!" "Yeah," said his bro, "we discovered a way to create energy by shining purified light directly on poop!"

I was like, WTF, so my sister whipped out a scientific journal already opened to the appropriate article. The article just noted that a renewable clean energy source had been discovered that produced electricity by shining "purified C0-wave light" (LOL) on human waste and how this could revolutionize blah blah. Then it explained the rate of production (a single toilet isn't quite enough and "8 days' output even from a urinal will power a house for a day").

"So it even ran on pee?" said Wax when I told her this. "No, see, in the dream I was nodding to myself and thinking how people also poop in urinals, just less often!" I explained.

Nov 2014: This eternal classic dream in which my parents served my great-grandfather's perfectly preserved face at a family dinner party. I said, "What are you doing? CANNIBALISM IS NOT OKAY!"

Nobody else in the room was concerned. A few pooh-poohed my "making a big deal out of it", but others were ignoring me in favor of discussing the work of whoever prepared it ("It's so lifelike, it must've taken a lot of work" and "Yes, they had to remove the skull and everything!").

"Is everybody crazy?" I said. "It doesn't even make sense thematically! Why now? Great-grandpa died years ago! Besides, it's not just morally wrong, it's GROSS!"

"I guess she doesn't want any then," laughed a [fictional] uncle, who I noticed had a vertical half of the face on his plate.

My dad unconcernedly passed the platter on to someone else and somebody started cutting the remaining half, whereupon I stormed out of the room to my bedroom in a huff.

This dream puts any other food disasters in context, leading to the always-relevant comment "At least it's not great-grandpa's face!"