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cimoreneI have decision fatigue from all the objects I've had to research (for 1950-house appropriateness: this is something I have to do because we care about it, not because anybody is making me - and for breathability: this is essential to the health of our house so it doesn't get moisture damage) and pick just in the past few months (so therefore excluding all the flooring and the kitchen and bathroom fixtures and all the paint and wallpaper on our side!!!): cabinet hardware, house numbers (black sans serif on white), door signs (hand painted wood or enamel), wood stove styles and chimney wall styles (parged, white-washed) and hearth styles (metal, poured cement, brick, or tile), exterior color schemes, floor paint, exterior lights, front doors, wall-mounted laundry racks (accordion style), interior lights, door levers and handles, locks - it didn't even occur to me that I might have to learn about lock styles. That might be all. It's all I can think of right now.
Every task I have to use executive function for right now, like loading the dishwasher or eating or making food, makes my face crumple up because I almost burst into tears. I finally remembered after a couple of days of this that a state of waves of panic and despair every time I come up against something like a screw that won't go in straight or a missing hinge can be somewhat ameliorated at least by benzos, so I took half of one of those. And I had been slowly panicking in the backgound also because my throat was hurting, but then I realized it's because I've been trying to work on our side which is still choked with construction dust so my sinuses and throat are crying out for relief, so I took allergy meds as well.
Earlier today I spent a few hours painstakingly figuring out which hinges go with which doors and panicking because we don't have a metal saw which it turns out we don't need because the diagram was misleading, but in spite of that I did manage to put all the shelves in the upper cabinets and... halfway order an outer door handle. (Despair spirals because the one that matches all our door handles isn't available in brass but the current one and the lock are brass. Do we have to replace the lock? I learned that you can put a new shell over the innards of the lock and it's also possible to chemically age brass so at least it would be dark brown and not clash with the chrome so much I guess, and with that decided to leave the lock alone and worry about it later, maybe when we strip and paint the door (something that obviously should be done in summer, because it leaves a hole where the door should be for a while.) So I did decide to just get the chrome one, but I left it in the shopping cart to consult Wax about whether we wanted a retro lock on the bathroom.
Some of the things we were planning to possibly pick up in person we're now trying to order because there's new infection clusters and they finally instituted a general recommendation for everybody to wear masks in public places like the grocery store, and of course, the people are idiots, so it's only about 30% of them doing it (at least at 10 pm which is when we go to the grocery store to avoid the crowds as much as possible). (That's better than we feared, actually. It was practically no one before.)
So: I saw someone saying something about screaming into a pillow, but it isn't the same, you know? I'm really holding out for the sound proofed rooms.
Every task I have to use executive function for right now, like loading the dishwasher or eating or making food, makes my face crumple up because I almost burst into tears. I finally remembered after a couple of days of this that a state of waves of panic and despair every time I come up against something like a screw that won't go in straight or a missing hinge can be somewhat ameliorated at least by benzos, so I took half of one of those. And I had been slowly panicking in the backgound also because my throat was hurting, but then I realized it's because I've been trying to work on our side which is still choked with construction dust so my sinuses and throat are crying out for relief, so I took allergy meds as well.
Earlier today I spent a few hours painstakingly figuring out which hinges go with which doors and panicking because we don't have a metal saw which it turns out we don't need because the diagram was misleading, but in spite of that I did manage to put all the shelves in the upper cabinets and... halfway order an outer door handle. (Despair spirals because the one that matches all our door handles isn't available in brass but the current one and the lock are brass. Do we have to replace the lock? I learned that you can put a new shell over the innards of the lock and it's also possible to chemically age brass so at least it would be dark brown and not clash with the chrome so much I guess, and with that decided to leave the lock alone and worry about it later, maybe when we strip and paint the door (something that obviously should be done in summer, because it leaves a hole where the door should be for a while.) So I did decide to just get the chrome one, but I left it in the shopping cart to consult Wax about whether we wanted a retro lock on the bathroom.
Some of the things we were planning to possibly pick up in person we're now trying to order because there's new infection clusters and they finally instituted a general recommendation for everybody to wear masks in public places like the grocery store, and of course, the people are idiots, so it's only about 30% of them doing it (at least at 10 pm which is when we go to the grocery store to avoid the crowds as much as possible). (That's better than we feared, actually. It was practically no one before.)
So: I saw someone saying something about screaming into a pillow, but it isn't the same, you know? I'm really holding out for the sound proofed rooms.
(no subject)
Date: 9 Oct 2020 06:40 pm (UTC)Glad the meds are helping.
(no subject)
Date: 9 Oct 2020 11:02 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 10 Oct 2020 04:21 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 12 Oct 2020 09:34 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 12 Oct 2020 09:34 am (UTC)