hanging on with fingertips and toetips

[cimorene]

So it turns out that after being triggered twice last week, I was feeling much worse about the outlook at work on Thursday than my default mental state would dictate. After four days off, accomplishing a ton of stuff in the house and feeling fully rested, I no longer feel on the verge of panic (or crying or screaming) about going back.

However, even though I don't feel too tired to go to work, I still feel an emotional dread because I know I still don't have enough reserves of serenity to Perform Sociality for Other People for five hours three days in a row. Also I've gotta miss Friday as well to take Snookums to the vet and presumably work FIVE days next week, which is right off the bat a terrible idea BUT it's only the fact that it's three days and not four in a row that makes me feel, now, like I don't have to break down crying at the thought of it.

So it's still yikes. I guess I'll have to take a tranquilizer if I'm still feeling upset in the morning. And check just exactly when my counselor gets back so I can talk to him, and then check the procedure for sick days in case I actually do have an anxiety attack...

But in happier news, besides painting the front wall of the entry hall and wallpapering the curved feature wall with Sanderson Hampton Trellis, the single most expensive decorating purchase we've made so far in this remodel and it's not exactly suited to the house but we both fell for this paper and we couldn't find another one we liked nearly as much, we completely cleaned the dining room, which is no longer a hazard zone for humans or pets! Once we whack some rugs, we can put a path into there to let the bunnies play in there if they want, and more importantly, there's space to paint the furniture and objects that I need to paint in there, if I had time for that.

AND TRISTANA IS COMING ON WEDNESDAY!

Comments

[ironymaiden]

The new wallpaper is great, and I also love your Ikea helpline icon.

[princessofgeeks]

OMG stunning!

So much house progress!

And insights! And recharging! And kitteh!

Cheering for you.

[vass]

I still feel an emotional dread because I know I still don't have enough reserves of serenity to Perform Sociality for Other People for five hours three days in a row.

I relate to this SO HARD.

Good luck for everything.

[cimorene]

😬 I just keep trying to remind myself "If you dissociate, remember to pay attention to your hands and feet and not injure yourself!!"

[cimorene]

💚!

[viggorlijah]

that is a gorgeous wallpaper! yay for feeling better about work, and better living through chemistry when applicable.

[cimorene]

I felt a little bit less like quitting immediately today so now I get to decide if I still want to ask my counselor about switching to another place, or maybe about scaling back the hours instead! I hate that kind of decision.

[viggorlijah]

yay! Scaling back the hours seems very sensible because then you don't have to get used to another place all over again, but it's good to have someone to talk to.

I am counting down five hours until the weekend.... and lunch time!