cimorene

most people probably don't remember a minor kerfluffle in lotr rps about... six months ago, a little more... maybe last march, which was largely responsible for making me sour on that fandom. my story burn, for better or for worse, was one of the earliest sean astin/elijah wood fics in the fandom because i got in early, and

wizardlex's gorgeous diary made me long for a happy ending for them and i had a lot of free time.

(in the long run i'd say for better, as i believe it's a good part of what won my

wax_jism to me--or at least, to first im'ing with me. ;-) )

burn was born thusly, but on its heels came a lot more sean/lij, and a lot more writers of it and eventually a list. the thing is that i'm finicky, monumentally finicky, and people seemed to be... associating me, and burn, with the genre as a whole a little more than made me comfortable. i have a huge marriage (or rather, infidelity) squick. a HUGE one. people pet me and say that my treatment of christine in burn was not disrespectful, but it's the artist's curse to find flaws in her own work, and i do.

there was a thread somewhere, and i responded to something--innocently enough, i thought--that i didn't plan to write any more seanlij because it made me uncomfortable for the reasons listed above.

the seanlij camp seemed to be, er, propagating and also growing more scary and more filled with psychotic mothafuckahs at this point, several of whom attacked me rabidly. i was accused of being insane and spoken of in the third person, with head shaking--in the same comment thread--as someone who had gone bad.

there seemed to be two united points of view-- (1) it's all fiction anyway so who gives a fuck? (which i can sympathize with, but i don't like to belittle marriage and love and lifetime commitments that actually DO exist in the course of it. i acknowledge this is a personal viewpoint.) and (2) U BIOTCH!111 sean and lij 4eva!!!!

so recap: scary seanlij mothafuckahs made me so shaky and scared that i wanted to take the story down, briefly, and fretted a good deal and got righteously angry (how dare they even READ it! it's MY story! don't think your pervy out of touch with reality 'it's true' thoughts in connection with MY WORK!) and the upshot of all of this was that i gave the story to wax. in theory, it belonged to her, then, not me, so it was her responsibility to lay the smackdown on them. which she didn't need to do because she's obviously above everyone anyway (<--possibly some slight editorializing on my part).

don't be surprised if, when you click on that link up there, you see under the title of burn: "ashes":