cimorene

+ omg the new semagic can detect music from itunes! how long has it been able to do that?

+ it rained hard today--cloudy but not dark, with just a few bits of thunder, the sky full of gray light and the blurred hissing sound of it falling, and the wet earth-rain smell coming in through the windows and seeping across the room.

+ why am i reading badfic at wraithbait when i've got this story i should be writing?

+ wax agreed to work tomorrow. obviously money blah blah capitalism blah blah food, which she always reminds me of when this comes up, but--saturday!

+ Summary: They met at high school, they fell in love in high school. What happens when they meet again in Antartica?

Then we met again, in a deep hole in the ground in the middle of Antarctica. Then, before I knew it, I was travelling to another galaxy with him. It was there that I found out the true extent of what my leaving had done to him. He’d tried to kill himself. He’d spent months battling with depression. All because of me.
*
“Well, actually, it may surprise you to know, but we ‘dumb jocks’ have feelings too.”

“What sort of feelings?” Rodney asked, his heart beating just a little bit faster.

“Feelings that, when the science geek starts staring at us, we start to feel awfully fond of the said science geek.”
*
‘Rodney McKay,’ it read dispassionately, ‘was treated for depression for six months after his failed suicide attempt on 18 May 1987.’ It then went on to say that despite this, his expected contribution was considered too valuable not to be utilized.

The date struck John hard between the eyes. That had been only two days after John had sent his final goodbye letter to Rodney. His eyes pricked with tears.

“I almost killed you,” he whispered, his voice filled with misery and self-loathing.
*
John could never imagine compromising his own life for him, and would not comprehend that he, Rodney, would have been willing to give up everything to be with the man he loved. It showed how different they were and how much less John’s feelings for him had been than his for John. -*
***

And if it started grating on John’s nerves to be called a slut and a living sex toy..well it wasn’t enough to stop him from accepting the incredible pleasure. And if he started feeling empty and sad after the sex rather than relaxed and pleased, well, he really didn’t know what to do about that.
*
But John realized that was what he’d been missing. Sex for the sake of sex could only work for so long. It had not occurred to him that he could have both great gay sex and intimacy.
*
“I think of you. When I’m feeling empty ..I think of you. When I’d think of kissing I’d think of you. God, I am a slut..just like he says. I was with him thinking of you. I’m sorry Rodney. Really sorry.” When he was able to meet Rodney’s eyes he was pleasantly surprised to see affection rather than scorn.

“John, that is not being a slut. That sounds an awful lot like being in love.” John couldn’t decide which was more shocking the fact that he realized he was in love with Rodney or the fact that the sound of his name coming from those lips had him harder than a nail. Once again he was at a loss on how to proceed. ([23:43] perhael: really? well let me help you along here, john: just kill yourself and do us all a favour)

“DO you love me, John? Is that why you think of my lips? Do you want me to be the one to fill you? If I fill you John it won’t just be with my body. I will fill you with love. I want it all, John. I want your body and heart and soul. That may be hokey and old-fashioned but that’s how it has to be. Your call.” Rodney’s voice was low and intense and he moved closer until he was breathing the words into John’s ear.
*
Rodney stopped once and told John a joke about an astrophysicist and a mime that had John laughing so hard he cried. Then Rodney started thrusting in earnest. Hands gripped John’s hips and Rodney angled directly for the prostate. John didn’t even have time to reach for his leaking erection. He came without a single touch. Then he felt Rodney’s release deep within and realized they hadn’t used a condom. And that made his so happy he couldn’t help laughing. And he was coming and laughing and crying. ([23:50] perhael: a few days later john realized that rodney had aids, and that they were all going to die. the FUCKING END)
*
Rodney smiled an altogether predatory grim. Really more a baring of teeth. John felt a not unpleasant shiver run through him and a definite firming of his erection.

“I love you John and you’ll have to get used to me taking care of you. Don’t worry though; I get into plenty of trouble from which I’ll certainly need rescuing. Equal opportunity love!” -*
***

I sit blot upright and Rodney didn’t stir at all. Now I remember. I said ‘goodnight’ and he whispered ‘goodbye’ into my hair. I turn to look at Rodney. He is pale and cool to the touch. I look over to the bedside table, the glass of water is empty and there is a note there. I read it quickly.

Shit!
*
“NO!” I screamed. I thought back to only a few hours ago when I was snuggled up in his arms, when he said his goodbye. How right everything felt then compared to how wrong everything felt now.

I sat his limp body up in my arms and kissed him on the forehead. “Please Rodney, please.” I whispered into his hair. “Don’t let this be your final goodbye.” -*
***

He saw her eyes the moment Elizabeth realized John had sold her to the Wraith to get Rodney back. He saw the disbelief, the pain and the desperation. She was trashing, held securely by the strong Wraith warrior's hands, pleading to him not do it, trying to appeal to his honor, to his sense of duty, to their friendship. Rodney buried his face in the crook of his neck, and he felt the tears on his skin. -*
***

“I lied to you. I took advantage of you. I..”

“You love me.” John’s simple statement stopped Rodney’ ramble. He nodded.

“Yes, John. I love you. So much.”

“And by so much you mean..?” John prompted the confession with a straight face but a wicked twinkle was in his eyes.

Rodney narrowed his eyes in irritation. “Enough that I turned into an opportunistic jealous bastard intent on keeping you for myself and away from the groveling masses.” The relief coursing through Rodney was so great he felt almost fainted..in a many kind of way. He might be a jealous conniving bastard but he was John’s jealous conniving bastard. Finally.

John confirmed his thoughts with a laugh. “I’ve been waiting for you, Rodney. I love you, too. I know I should be pissed about the charade but strangely, I find myself turned on that you want me so much! And before you ask, no I will not get your name tattooed on my ass..or anywhere else. I will promise to be yours and no one else’s, though.” And John proceeded to kiss and caress Rodney until he was on the verge of exploding.

“Love you John..always!” Rodney’s last coherent thought was that John hadn’t said word one about hickeys. And really in the long run a hickey would be easier to keep on than the ‘Really, Really Mine! Hands Off’ sign he’d been planning. -*