bad epithets

aeslis and i were just discussing why i call phrases such as "the other man" and "the green-eyed boy" epithets (or, if i speak about them with their own epithet intact, "bad epithets". it pretty much covers all of them). she hypothesised that it was for a "cim-like reason", which i denied - it has a perfectly logical basis in the analysis of epic poetry! and then, just now, i discovered (look, aes!) the origin of my habit.

why are epithets bad all the time?

because they're unnecessary. they aren't unnecessary as in gratifying, the way the cherry on a sundae is unnecessary; they're unnecessary as in gratuitous, the way it is unnecessary to devote an early paragraph of your story to clumsily expositing the whole of canon, or to search out "substitutes" for the verb "to say" such as "questioned" (which means to doubt, not to pose a question, but that's a rant for another day). it looks ridiculous; it causes your readers to cringe in embarrassment on your behalf. you should never do it. not even "the man". no, not even "the blond". not even "his lover". especially not "his lover". if you don't believe me, allow me to assure you that you will understand eventually¹.

on the other hand, who doesn't love to mock badfic? to that end, i have been saving examples of bad epithets since i began reading prince of tennis fiction in march. i've read some truly egregious epithets before, particularly at the rodney mckay, angsty goth teenie archive, which is a veritable bottomless treasure trove of badfic; but i've never encountered a fandom like this one for bad epithets. take for example:

The little precocious, burgundy-haired acrobat liked Hyotei’s blue-haired tensai.

( more examples, some rated nc-17 )

1. i've discovered recently - to my horror, rather - that i used to use them sometimes too, although only relatively mild ones such as "his lover" and "his friend", as far as i can tell. it seems, regrettably, that almost everyone goes through this phase, so we can sympathise with each other! the important thing is that it remain a phase and that you then outgrow it.