crack au report

• the one where they meet when they're very young, bodie a mercenary and doyle an innocent young cop, and doyle follows bodie (in search of his looooove) to a mercenary camp, only doyle is mysteriously described as tiny, beautiful, and strangest of all, a "baby ballerina". in case you, like me, have more fanon than canon in your system: they're the same size, which is to say, almost totally average but slightly tall. bodie might have two inches on doyle if he's lucky. doyle's wiry, but not pudgeless.


• the one where bodie is a ghostly apparition which doyle follows to a magical ball in the land of faerie for a night of soul-touching passion.


• the one where a nuclear holocaust wipes out humanity but bodie and doyle are transported to an alternate universe, where they take over their counterparts' lives and retain all their memories, and set out to find each other. and bodie's counterpart is GAY! :O


• the one where bodie's a high-priced whore and they blackmail him into helping doyle go undercover as a second high-priced whore. and teaching him about the ways of gay sex. it's not like it hasn't been done, but usually they gloss over it more, i feel. and somehow it's funnier when it seems to be at least mostly serious...


• the one where bodie is a hired gunman in the wild wild west who practically rapes doyle the innocent young farmer's son, and then gets all self-righteous about homophobia when doyle is disowned for finally (after a lot of fighting) giving in to his Inner Gay.