how to write sex scenes - meta

[cimorene]

learning to write sex scenes is a process that takes, mainly, a lot of practise and trial and error. just as you cannot learn to sew complicated garments without doing some seams wrong, you can't learn to write sex scenes instantly either; it's a gradual process extending over years of reading, writing, and thinking (whether critically or intuitively) about what you read and write.

i've read a lot of meta about it over the years, but some of the best essays i've seen have been cupidsbow's "the formula for writing sex scenes", which considers them as action scenes using the three-part "action formula"; and resonant8's four-part "how to write sex scenes", which picks four important do/don't pieces of advice: "make me yearn", "pick one zing and stick to it", "make the sex fit the characters", and "choose your details carefully".

i found both these essays struck a chord when i first read them; i think advice of this sort is really useful to read, because what you really need to get good at a specific writing skill is to become more aware of the inner workings of that skill - to be sensitised so that when you're reading and writing yourself, you look at the text more critically, about what it's doing and how, and how well.

cim: mmm, i just don't know what else to add really - if you just wanted me to ramble aimlessly, no problem!
lilah:  hey, lj is the perfect place for aimless ramblings in my book!

i think my attempts to write sex scenes, starting in spring 01 in popslash (with some atrocious stories), have gone through several main periods as i struggled to acquire and accustom myself to different skills. my tentative first tries were concerned principally with figuring out how to put the basic pieces together, and the scenes were fairly generic as well as bad; i didn't strain myself too much in any particular direction. the second phase i went through was one of over-stylisation; it wasn't only my sex scenes that were deliberately lyrical and dreamy, but i definitely piled it on in the sex scenes, blurring the edges with artistic license, trying to indicate that breathless feeling of building excitement through hyperbole, metaphor, and poetic bits. (eg: lotr rps like "burn" and "delirium".) i want to call the next phase the "porny period", although not every scene i wrote then fits that description; still, i was kind of moving towards more and more loving detailed descriptions, more explicit, more porny. i wanted to drum out the bad habits of coyness, euphemisms, fades to black, and various other wishy-washy symptoms of shame which annoyed me. since then i've moved a little away from the "porny period" (though i'd say "high rent" was the peak of it, and that's from april 05) - possibly just looking for ways to integrate sex more smoothly with plot (or maybe i've just gotten bored, or into a Mood).

Comments

[kessie.livejournal.com]

¬_¬ I'm dreading your email. sjhdsjdshdsj There is a reason I haven't done more than vague descriptions or fade-to-black in a few years. :S

[cimness.livejournal.com]

it's really interesting, albeit challenging, to look at it and try to formulate comments, though. and i appreciate the chance to think about it carefully again and to reminisce a little. i had an interesting conversation about sex-writing with my old writing partner who is somewhat inexperienced at writing it herself, although she's been trying to train herself for the past year and a half or so. it's kind of hard to beta, though - maybe if i can go through it more than once or something. after i get to the end of the draft i will start over at the beginning and add more comments, anyway.

[kessie.livejournal.com]

.....eek. D:

[cimness.livejournal.com]

:/ should i be more gentle or?

[kessie.livejournal.com]

jdsjdhasj Oh dear. It's that bad? D:

No, be honest. If it makes the story better (and I know it well), then I can take it. *nod* ... :D

[cimness.livejournal.com]

:(( nooooooo i didn't mean that (it is different and you seem a little less sure of yourself, but i quite like it - especially the second half or so and the party scene!), i just meant like, er - how i phrase it? and whether i mention everything that bothers me or only the things that are dubious grammatically or hard to understand? that kind of thing. i finished going through it once now! but i'm going to go back through again before i send it.

[kessie.livejournal.com]

sjdhasjhjkjd Well. I think it was the fact that it had been ages since I'd picked up Tezuka and Ryoma, and I was a little unsure of their characterisation. I think by the time I reached the press conference, I finally figured out what was going on. How you phrase things and such is fine! :D

...you know, I'd just broken myself of key-smashing and all. Life. D:

[cimness.livejournal.com]

keysmashing = associated with me in your brain probably. or you know, with tezuryo in general. XD

you know, the break you took from tezuryo wasn't that long! but i'm one to talk - not having written them in a month, i feel sort of alienated myself.

[kessie.livejournal.com]

Well, I don't count AJC because that was all Jyousei. :D I actually haven't written Tezuka and Ryoma, specifically, since late June. :) And, uh, considering my current output of writing that is kind of long. Now I just need to get my ass in gear with the Epic. Argh.

Also, I've started poking at a shortish Sengoku/Akutsu. No, I have no idea why. I just decided I wanted to write them in other words, Akutsu threatened to make my life hell if I didn't do it. I spent about four hours searching for that pairing in fic, and found only one decent one. :(

Wakato also wants drabbles. You know, it's lucky I don't have the urge to write Hyoutei or Rikkai on a regular basis, or I would be in big trouble. :|

[cimness.livejournal.com]

you mean data pair doesn't count as rikkai? and hey, what about rokkaku! don't hit me!

i've had idle thoughts about sengoku/akutsu too. :X even though akutsu/dan 4eva! *cough*

i wonder if i'll ever do anything with the free wakato/kajimoto scenelet about yoga that's floating around in my brain...

[kessie.livejournal.com]

Data pair counts as itself, really. It's kind of slowed as I figure out what's going on. :|

*waves Akutsu/Dan flag* I dunno. I think it's because my gaze ends up always falling on the Sengoku sakura bromide that's on my shelf when I wake up in the morning. It faces me directly when I wake up, so I guess I've become attached. :D

You really should! Even just a drabble when Wakato teasing the hell out of Kajimoto. Also, I need to email you and Aja about my santa_smex assignment...

[cimness.livejournal.com]

okay, sorry! i thought i'd finish tonight but instead i've started back at the beginning and made my way back to the halfway point. somehow i still can't get it through my head how much less free time i have in a day if i have to spend six hours of it at school. i'm sure i'll eventually get the hang of it. in the meanwhile, i might well get it to you tomorrow - fingers crossed! i'm sorry about this delay. i know it's unusually slow for me. unfortunately the first week of class is kind of extra hectic.

[kessie.livejournal.com]

Seriously, no worries. :)) I have an original story I need to have finished, beta'd and submitted by Sunday, so the less distractions, the better. <.< And, yeah, the first week is always crazier. :| Thank you for doing this, though. :x

[cimness.livejournal.com]

oh, well, but i don't like to leave things sitting around half-done - i think i've finished now! i'm going to send it to you like this, anyway. i hope it's okay. i did large portions of it late at night, and when i was going back through it this morning i discovered at least one comment that didn't make any grammatical sense. hopefully there are no more like that. :X

[bibliotech.livejournal.com]

I never get tired of these! I can count the number of NC-17ish things I've written on one hand, mostly because I'm just so uncomfortable writing sex. I have no problem talking about it, reading about it, but writing it? I can never get past my mental block that it'll sound awkward and stilted.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

i wonder if everybody feels that way about it? i still kind of do sometimes, although there have been times when it vanished more or less, but i felt a lot worse about it at the beginning even though i wanted to write it. you can probably desensitise yourself to it just through practise, i guess.

[penm.livejournal.com]

It's funny because I thought as I got older I'd be more into writing sex scenes but actually just the opposite has been true. I've generally tended to develop an interest more in the build-up leading to it, and generally when reading about it than writing about it. I guess it just seems ridiculous to write something I've never experienced. :/

[cimness.livejournal.com]

it's usually not ridiculous at all to write something you've never experienced, but sex is one situation where a bit of experience makes a real difference. however, i think experience and skill with writing is way way more important to it. (for that matter, i think getting the build-up right is way more important than the sex. most stories that have sex can survive without it. having too much sex that doesn't fit the plot or do anything useful is a far more common problem than having too little. resonant8's essay addresses this effectively.)

[elfiepike.livejournal.com]

1. this is really neat! i think i shall bookmark it.

2. AGH WRITING. GRR ARG. okay, i'm done. with complaining. for the moment.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

oh nooooo! don't say ARG WRITING! D:?

[elfiepike.livejournal.com]

ahahaha, it's coming, it's coming. (though not in a sexy way?) i'm just complaining, really. i do that. sorry. <3

[cimness.livejournal.com]

nonono you can complain! you just scared me! i was afraid you were being thwarted and were going to give up in frustration, or something!

[elfiepike.livejournal.com]

i feel very thwarted, sometimes. XD oddly, chatting can help at these times! because then i can go write write write oh hey, something to respond to! before i start thinking about quality or how much i've written or whatever.

but strangely, i'm persistant! hm.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

yeah, that's probably why i need hand-holding so much of the time when i'm writing - it kind of distracts from the pressure and breaks the big thing of writing down into little, more immediate pieces. or something.

[elfiepike.livejournal.com]

yes, exactly! also, this is the first time i've actually written something both so long (for me) and that i've been working on the actual writing part for so long (two and a half months, though it wasn't constant; there were interruptions in the form of the fairytale and real life). so another part for me is that i'm having growing pains, as it were, and doubts about my abilities, etc etc--having someone there to distract makes it so that i don't have the brainpower to think about that kind of thing. XD

[cimness.livejournal.com]

omgwow. i didn't realise how long you had been spending on this, honestly! it isn't all that long! but i realised you write slowly, so i should have twigged! now i understand how you must be feeling, because after you spend that long on one story - the last fifth of the work you do or so towards the end doubts start to creep in, and in the rewriting phase you start to get exhausted, and then when you finally do finish it you're full of uncertainty and kind of sad to have to leave it and... yeah. that 17 000 word story kind of burnt me out and after it i binged for over a month just watching the japanese stuff aes had sent me and reading manga. :/ i still haven't written anything long, what i would consider a proper story, since i finished and posted it in mid-july.

but growing pains are good! and i think your work really pays off. ♥

oh if i do this, then we will feel more the closeness of our friendship*

[elfiepike.livejournal.com]

a lot of the time is spent Pondering and Mulling Over and Making Notes--which definitely adds time. XD! there were days when i would be bored and alone at work and i would spent hours almost entirely uninterrupted thinking, hm, what should happen in noclothes?

right now i'm at the point where i'm pretty sure it's basically done. maybe some fine tuning! i'm tentatively confident! i'm hoping that you don't say, "okay, you need another seven hundred words" again XD! but i'm also just like, i'm going to trust cim! i cannot think about it anymore! ^^; so thank you very much for betaing.

which one was the 17,000 word one? i keep meaning to read your prince of tennis stuff--i mostly know whom the characters are--but always forget. hm.

* quote from here (http://sumoboy.livejournal.com/60179.html) XD

Re: oh if i do this, then we will feel more the closeness of our friendship*

[cimness.livejournal.com]

i am not a note-maker exactly, but i definitely ponder over stories in my head. sometimes they become real stories and sometimes they are stories i never intend to write, but just to entertain myself with or chat about (i call those Imaginary Stories). however, the note-making (note-thinking-of?) phase still takes up some time for me, just um, without the physical notes.

i am just opening it! though i'm not going to stay up to beta it tonight, i just wanted to do something extra fun before i went to sleep. ♥:) i am excited. and i enjoy the betaing!

i do not mention it out of any supposition that you should read it! but the 17 000 word story is the boyband AU, actually, called "live tour in usa". because of being an AU it's rather more heavily reliant, for its jokes, on familiarity with the behaviour of the characters in canon, though. so if you aren't particularly into them it's possible you might not find it as entertaining as it's meant to be.