cimorene

CHILD: This is my lightsaber. [His lightsaber is made out of mostly-red legos.]
ME: Oh, what color is it? What color is the light? [CHILD HESITATES] Is it red?
CHILD: It's green AND red. It's multi-colored. It's a disco light.

KINDERGARTENER: Can I try out that balloon pump?
ME: I don't know - is it too hard? Do you need help from an adult?
KINDERGARTENER: Some of the other kids did it yesterday... why are you wearing so much mascara?

CHILD: Kiwi, two kids said that your picture was the ugliest picture ever drawn!
KIWI: Um, oh no.
ME: You know, I heard the boss say this morning that the one who says something is actually that thing themselves.
CHILD: ... :D :D :D HEY, KIDS, GUESS WHAT!
(Hopefully being the ugliest picture ever drawn wasn't too upsetting for those kids?)

And a bonus.

CHILD IN THE ELEVATOR DRESSED AS A FIREMAN: There's a fire in the building!
ME: Uh-oh, then I should go down instead of up!
CHILD, cautiously: Because... of... that there's a fire?