endless screaming
16 Oct 2019 08:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cimoreneThere actually were a few weeks in there after the hot water got turned back on and the laundry backlog got a wee bit smaller in which I did not feel like screaming all the time! But, obviously, that's all over with. waxjism is stressed too, but she's mainly depressed, I think, whereas I feel sad but not really depressed so much as approaching nervous breakdown again. (Both of us have less energy than we kinda need though!) There's a little avatar of me hanging around somewhere in my head which usually provides commentary for my train of thought but lately is either gnawing on its fists or doing The Scream.
There are a lot of important things going on and things we need to take care of which we have basically zero power over, a lot of helpless waiting with little or no idea of when to expect anything, and a lot of things that are going to be difficult or potentially impossible that we are supposed to do but which we can't do until after someone else has done something else (and we have no idea when they are going to do it). So I have like three pages of to-do list that's stuff we can't actually... do. Or can't do yet. Or can't do ourselves.
And then there's another list of things to do that we can do, or that I can do, but while this list is long enough to be overwhelming, none of the things on it are very important or will have any effect on any of the important things that are actually causing anxiety, so none of the stuff we can do is actually helpful!
Nothing is helpful, really. And usually when that's the case the best thing to do would be to try to take your mind off it, but of course that isn't easy and also... I'm not sure it's even a good idea now because there is so much stuff to keep track of that if I try to stop thinking about it I'll probably forget something.
Ideally we would find time to go see a hockey match because that would give me the socially acceptable opportunity to scream as loud as I can, which I would really appreciate right now; but apparently TPS is really bad this year so far so there's some risk they wouldn't score and I'd only get to scream if I was cheering for the other team.
waxjism is stressed too, but she's mainly depressed, I think, whereas I feel sad but not really depressed so much as approaching nervous breakdown again. (Both of us have less energy than we kinda need though!) There's a little avatar of me hanging around somewhere in my head which usually provides commentary for my train of thought but lately is either gnawing on its fists or doing The Scream.There are a lot of important things going on and things we need to take care of which we have basically zero power over, a lot of helpless waiting with little or no idea of when to expect anything, and a lot of things that are going to be difficult or potentially impossible that we are supposed to do but which we can't do until after someone else has done something else (and we have no idea when they are going to do it). So I have like three pages of to-do list that's stuff we can't actually... do. Or can't do yet. Or can't do ourselves.
And then there's another list of things to do that we can do, or that I can do, but while this list is long enough to be overwhelming, none of the things on it are very important or will have any effect on any of the important things that are actually causing anxiety, so none of the stuff we can do is actually helpful!
Nothing is helpful, really. And usually when that's the case the best thing to do would be to try to take your mind off it, but of course that isn't easy and also... I'm not sure it's even a good idea now because there is so much stuff to keep track of that if I try to stop thinking about it I'll probably forget something.
Ideally we would find time to go see a hockey match because that would give me the socially acceptable opportunity to scream as loud as I can, which I would really appreciate right now; but apparently TPS is really bad this year so far so there's some risk they wouldn't score and I'd only get to scream if I was cheering for the other team.
(no subject)
Date: 16 Oct 2019 06:51 pm (UTC)I'm so sorry that hockey isn't even really a good option for coping! There really needs to be, like, a 24/7 screaming shed service, where you can go and pay for an hour or whatever to scream and not freak people out because that's just what you do there.
(no subject)
Date: 17 Oct 2019 01:57 am (UTC)