Back pain, terrible torture seating, exercise, quitting SSRIs

[cimorene]

Cat Divorce (see every post recently tagged "cats") has exiled me most of the time to the dining room and the kitchen, away from all the furniture I know and love. Right now it's even worse because we can't temporarily switch them and let Tristana run up and down the stairs for exercise, because Anubis's balls are back and he's peeing everywhere, and the last time he was in the kitchen while we made dinner he peed on the wall and somehow also INSIDE THE PANTRY. So we don't want to shut him in the kitchen and diningroom as we would like to minimize pee in them.

Anyway, instead of spending time sitting on the sofa and then sleeping in bed, I have been sitting up on a folded-out metal Ikea futon sofa most of the time, or occasinally turning it into a sofa and sitting on it that way - but I think that's not actually much better. They're both terrible for my back. But if I want to use the computer, or watch tv and knit, I kinda need to sit up.

I managed okay for months! But I've been gradually feeling more and more lower back pain and, as Wax wisely pointed out, this is because I never get any exercise (see: our five-year history of plans and resolutions to go walking daily, or regularly, which has never worked even for as much as a three-day-in-a-row streak: we're both completely HORRIBLE and will take any slight setback as an excuse to suggest breaking the routine, after which it vanishes from both of our minds like smoke) and have no stamina or core strength. It's reached the point where my back hurts a lot and I don't want to sit up. Or sit. Except on maybe like... the floor? Or a stool? Because of my back.

I used to do yoga almost daily, and what broke THAT routine was moving to Pargas before the pandemic in 2019, and the subsequent series of disasters. The pandemic hit, everything was 5-alarm emergency at all times, and there was no floor space where you could put a yoga mat, even if I could find it since all our stuff was still packed, for literally over a year, and then the routine was gone. Finally today it hurt enough for me to look up some PT exercises to do, which led to getting my yoga mat out for the first time in YEARS. I had to go dig it out of the attic, then I had to vaccuum it, then I had to scrub it. It is currently drying off.

That was only fifteen minutes of stretching, but it was totally fine - it felt good, but not enough, and also much more uncomfortable than it should've been at several points. I should do more of it. I should also try something else to get us walking again, but I am kinda out of ideas there. We have tried a lot of things. Just in the last month I think either Wax or I has said something about how we should go for a walk now to the other at least ten times, only for the other one to come up with some reason why they didn't want to in every case, leading to us only walking once when we had to go to the grocery store. It's... egregiously, enragingly pathetic, honestly.

Another thing that has changed recently is that I've finally tapered all the way off of Venlafaxine (Effexor), the SSRI I was taking at a very high dose since maybe... 2011ish? I decided to taper off of it after I started taking ADHD medication because of a (so far extremely borne out) suspicion that the ADHD meds would do a way better job at making me feel better than any SSRI ever did. Very gradually, over the course of months, with the help of my psychiatrist, I stopped, and I recently finished my final one month of the tiniest dose available. The last withdrawal effects haven't even gone away yet - the weird sparking things that happen in your head and neck when you move them (hate those!!!!). But I'm already sleeping much more soundly, to the point that it's harder for Snookums to wake me up to feed him in the middle of the night. And I'm also tearing up like five times a day at stuff like... listening to music with a chord progression... but also thinking about upsetting things. Or about how much I love Snookums. Or today, remembering an old work friend I ghosted during the pandemic stress and feeling bad about it. Maybe this will chill out after a while. I hope so, I guess. It's also producing a lot of mild headaches, which happened when reducing the dose as well (they were worse early on actually), but frequent mild headaches are making me irritable and constant back pain is also making me irritable, and I'm not coping well (or at all) with the frustration about the lack of ability to form habits and start to exercise more.

Comments

[princessofgeeks]

Wishing you a quick resolution to all your high-stress pet problems.

You two are by far the most generous pet owners I have ever seen or heard of in my entire life. The lengths you both are willing to go in order to change your lives for your pets and make the pets comfortable is incredible and so very generous.

You both just amaze me.

Sending love and also good luck with your meds.

[cimorene]

We just love them so much! Actually I hate being away from Snookums. I feel like he's my familiar animal and I wish I could carry him everywhere in a sling (but he wouldn't like it).

[anatsuno]

I second the Princess' comment! But also, as a fellow (though undiagnosed/untreated) ADHD suffereer, I so hear you about habit forming and daily walks or exercise. I've been complaining of lumbar pain for literal years and because I'm overweight and unfit, all my GP says is 'you need to walk more'. Which is true for general fitness and probably core work (I have the weakest core omg) and YET, I bought an expensive and bulky treadmill to start walking indoors daily watching my stories and *even when I manage a long stretch of days and see the effect on my thighs and hips measurements*, my lumbar pain continues. Even though I changed mattresses twice, for high-end mattresses every time, and spent literally years looking for mattresses that could supposedly take my weight, etc etc. It's *infuriating*. I have multiplied my average daily steps my 5 this year compared to last and after over six months of it I am barely starting to feel less lumbar pain when I wake in the morning. I've since also learned that pain in the morning that fades in a while after you get up is because tendons loosen during the night and that gets worse with age, and I've since actually noticed that if my night is shorter and/or I spend less time in bed (not always correlated bc I can go to bed and continue to not sleep for up to 5 hours before I sleep), I do ache less.

Anyway - yeah, daily walking is hard hard hard. I thought I had acquired the habit when I managed a good streak for 4 months and still fell off the wagon in March, it's been an uphill battle since then to re-acquire it. I feel you, and good on you for stretching and dusting off the yoga mat! <333

Ima go answer your ink question now :D

[cimorene]

Thanks a bunch for this comment! Hearing about other people with the issue seems to help even though it doesn't help me fix it better 😂 I really found it comforting though. It sounds like you are facing more pain and discomfort than me and that sucks.