cimorene

i don't know what the fuck is going on with these mood swings and depression and shit. but i want it to stop. right. now.

it's too hard to worry worry worry about everything when i'm not around my mommy and daddy and everyone who cares about me. you know how when you're little and you get sick, you just irrationally cry for your mother even though there's nothing she can do? she just makes you feel safe. well, i suppose i just... still feel that way.
i've been in japan for six weeks at a time before without feeling homesick. it all depends on what you're doing. i get homesick, horribly anxious, and eventually, a shaking nervous wreck who can't eat properly and is like a dirty damp (and tattered) rag--only when i'm depressed about something else.

and maybe it's all chemical in which case i'm pissed. but i don't think it is. and if it's something else i wish my body would just tell me precisely what it is so i could fix it.

well. perhaps i lie. i know why i'm unhappy, but i can't be a slave to my body and spend all my time around people i love and not working just to appease my stomach.

i can't afford to.