depression, new-semester-college anxiety

[cimorene]

i don't know what the fuck is going on with these mood swings and depression and shit. but i want it to stop. right. now.

it's too hard to worry worry worry about everything when i'm not around my mommy and daddy and everyone who cares about me. you know how when you're little and you get sick, you just irrationally cry for your mother even though there's nothing she can do? she just makes you feel safe. well, i suppose i just... still feel that way.
i've been in japan for six weeks at a time before without feeling homesick. it all depends on what you're doing. i get homesick, horribly anxious, and eventually, a shaking nervous wreck who can't eat properly and is like a dirty damp (and tattered) rag--only when i'm depressed about something else.

and maybe it's all chemical in which case i'm pissed. but i don't think it is. and if it's something else i wish my body would just tell me precisely what it is so i could fix it.

well. perhaps i lie. i know why i'm unhappy, but i can't be a slave to my body and spend all my time around people i love and not working just to appease my stomach.

i can't afford to.

Comments

[kwirbx.livejournal.com]

remember the story about that lady and that fly? you would never swallow a frog to get the fly would ya?

[caribbeanblue.livejournal.com]

*sends waves of healing and other good things* There, now, dinna cry, Princess. Think of this as one of the three horrible tasks you always find in fairy tales. In order to win true love and contentment at the end, you've got to conquer those three horrible tasks.

My tummy does funny things too when I'm nervy, too. Relax, maybe concentrate on something mundane like counting backwards from 100,000 or perhaps your breathing. If you're homesick, surround yourself with things that make you feel more at home. Heck, if you've read any of my journal at all this past year, you'd see I've been just as homesick! I guess it's part of growing up, this leaving home (wherever home is). It hurts, but we all get used to it in time. If it continues, you might consider seeing a therapist - is there one on campus? Sometimes, just having someone in person to listen to your woes and to comfort you when you cry, that can be the best way to heal.

I'm pulling for you, dear, and if you ever need anything, you need only ask.

M <--- sorry if this goes through twice; LJ's being buggy

[cimness.livejournal.com]

thank you--i'm touched. i may try the counting thing. i'm not very good at distracting myself usually.