shrink-ology 101
25 Mar 2002 12:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cimorenenow YOU, TOO can be a college shrink! just follow these simple steps.
1. legal pad is absolutely essential, as is illegible scrawl. you will want to doodle while your patient talks.
2. sit in leather chair. recline at your ease. frown, but don't look too concerned. you're striving for urbane detachment.
3. you should say, "i think i remember that you were having some problems with the medicine" as if you really know exactly what you are talking about but want to be magnanimous by allowing the Weak Female Specimen the opportunity to speak.
4. your patient will probably babble excessively about her side-effects in an overly-dramatic manner. this is normal; she, being female, has a weak mind. don't soothe her too much, as you run the risk of reinforcing her undue stress on simple matters such as lack of nourishment.
5. listen to everything she says while doodling assiduously. repeat it to her and ask if that is all she's concerned with. if, for example, she has caught on fire or spontaneously collapsed. this subtle mention of other possible side-effects will help her to realize that hers are comparatively mild.
6. if she says "no" you should ask the question again, phrased differently, to ascertain that she is not lying. for example, "and you have no other concerns? nothing that i should know about? nothing else has bothered you? in the past few weeks you haven't noticed anything off other than what we've discussed?"
7. recommend that your patient resume your recommended course of medication. indicate that you think she is wise to do as you wish. weak females need this kind of periodic encouragement.
8. if her eyes start to glaze over as she nods, it is probably best to ignore this. it means nothing.
1. legal pad is absolutely essential, as is illegible scrawl. you will want to doodle while your patient talks.
2. sit in leather chair. recline at your ease. frown, but don't look too concerned. you're striving for urbane detachment.
3. you should say, "i think i remember that you were having some problems with the medicine" as if you really know exactly what you are talking about but want to be magnanimous by allowing the Weak Female Specimen the opportunity to speak.
4. your patient will probably babble excessively about her side-effects in an overly-dramatic manner. this is normal; she, being female, has a weak mind. don't soothe her too much, as you run the risk of reinforcing her undue stress on simple matters such as lack of nourishment.
5. listen to everything she says while doodling assiduously. repeat it to her and ask if that is all she's concerned with. if, for example, she has caught on fire or spontaneously collapsed. this subtle mention of other possible side-effects will help her to realize that hers are comparatively mild.
6. if she says "no" you should ask the question again, phrased differently, to ascertain that she is not lying. for example, "and you have no other concerns? nothing that i should know about? nothing else has bothered you? in the past few weeks you haven't noticed anything off other than what we've discussed?"
7. recommend that your patient resume your recommended course of medication. indicate that you think she is wise to do as you wish. weak females need this kind of periodic encouragement.
8. if her eyes start to glaze over as she nods, it is probably best to ignore this. it means nothing.
