uh... suck.
21 Mar 2003 10:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cimoreneyesterday i got up early to sand this damned chair for my mom. (i suppose i could have primed and painted on top of two old coats, but the first one wasn't primed first, and it's flaking off all over, so i decided to partially strip it first--all the loose bits--and sand.) all morning, i suppose. sanded my thumbs quite effectively. exhausted myself and got the internet after lunch.
found wax! what she calls a semantic debate, which i enjoy in a certain twisted fashion, but which wax hates, had finished and i was shaking with adrenaline rush when my mom stormed in and said, and i quote--
'oh, you POOR baby. stranded at home with no phone, no computer, no car, and another phone out of order!'
since we have several phones and a computer, all of which are in perfect order, and i had had a car all day, i said, 'huh?'
she was in one of her irrational snits. or perhaps we should call them 'irrational fire-breathing rages'? basically, she had wanted me to pick lillian up at aftercare and take her to tae kwan do, but no one had told me, and she was angry because she'd been unable to contact me. she emailed herSELF, thinking the email would somehow show up in MY email box (?). let it be noted that lillian hates tae kwan do and mom thinks it's stupid for dad to have talked her into it or to try to force her to go. she said i was grounded, and that i was a bitch and several other things, including some that were completely unrelated ('CHERRIE AND JOE WERE RIGHT THERE when i you said you would pick her up today, or was it yesterday--tuesday--thursday!' --a conversation that either didn't happen, happened in totally different words, or happened while i was asleep). anyway, then she asked me something about the computer, the fact that i was adult, and something about paying rent. i turned around to tell wax that i was being interrupted by an angry fire-breathing mother and thus was somewhat distracted. mom said again, 'you're grounded,' and unplugged the phone lines.
clearly getting back online was pointless then, but i had bigger concerns too.
i wanted to get out of the house immediately, but i don't feel entirely easy about spending my dad's money on the gas in the car just to cruise around, since he really can't afford it. it's not like i was in danger. i couldn't think of any place to actually GO, either. in the end i curled up at the foot of my bed where it smells like my dog and hid in the blankets and slept for three hours until eight or whatever until she apologized. i was eventually forced to start talking to her again even though it was rather terrifying, but frankly, refusing doesn't make any kind of point or impression with her, and i'm more concerned with surviving the next six months in proximity to her than with teaching her a lesson. i need my parents' help and support, and my dad's my best friend (okay, maybe i only need his), and it makes him unhappy when mom's unhappy with our relationship.
i allowed myself to forget temporarily how hard it is to deal with her. the only way to survive long-term around her is to do the things that are expected of me as much as i can stand to, and minimize my contact with her as much as possible. and i have to keep walking around muttering to myself that she's nuts and doesn't know what she's doing and it's not her fault, she was damaged by abusive parents (and by god, i'm never going to speak to her father again), and not really take her seriously. it's easiest, i imagine to just try not to care. to think i voluntarily spent time with on tuesday. what if she'd had a fit then?
she came to wake me up at 8 pm, and ask if she could make me dinner and ask me to come rent movies, and was totally contrite, which she ALWAYS is after these episodes. if you don't try to have a conversation about it she appears rational. she realizes that she was irrational and she says she was having a hard day and shit. so i went with her to get movies, and didn't talk about what happened.
the problem is that the way that makes surviving this shit the most likely still drives me insane. it's impracticable. for all the time i wasted yesterday thinking about where i could possibly go or what i could possibly do... uh, i don't know, i could have done something. my brain isn't the sort that accepts a problem without a solution. it's probably the result of reading too much. well, i just have to stay here. just typing this up is making my teeth chatter. can't deal, can't deal, and so on.
found wax! what she calls a semantic debate, which i enjoy in a certain twisted fashion, but which wax hates, had finished and i was shaking with adrenaline rush when my mom stormed in and said, and i quote--
'oh, you POOR baby. stranded at home with no phone, no computer, no car, and another phone out of order!'
since we have several phones and a computer, all of which are in perfect order, and i had had a car all day, i said, 'huh?'
she was in one of her irrational snits. or perhaps we should call them 'irrational fire-breathing rages'? basically, she had wanted me to pick lillian up at aftercare and take her to tae kwan do, but no one had told me, and she was angry because she'd been unable to contact me. she emailed herSELF, thinking the email would somehow show up in MY email box (?). let it be noted that lillian hates tae kwan do and mom thinks it's stupid for dad to have talked her into it or to try to force her to go. she said i was grounded, and that i was a bitch and several other things, including some that were completely unrelated ('CHERRIE AND JOE WERE RIGHT THERE when i you said you would pick her up today, or was it yesterday--tuesday--thursday!' --a conversation that either didn't happen, happened in totally different words, or happened while i was asleep). anyway, then she asked me something about the computer, the fact that i was adult, and something about paying rent. i turned around to tell wax that i was being interrupted by an angry fire-breathing mother and thus was somewhat distracted. mom said again, 'you're grounded,' and unplugged the phone lines.
clearly getting back online was pointless then, but i had bigger concerns too.
i wanted to get out of the house immediately, but i don't feel entirely easy about spending my dad's money on the gas in the car just to cruise around, since he really can't afford it. it's not like i was in danger. i couldn't think of any place to actually GO, either. in the end i curled up at the foot of my bed where it smells like my dog and hid in the blankets and slept for three hours until eight or whatever until she apologized. i was eventually forced to start talking to her again even though it was rather terrifying, but frankly, refusing doesn't make any kind of point or impression with her, and i'm more concerned with surviving the next six months in proximity to her than with teaching her a lesson. i need my parents' help and support, and my dad's my best friend (okay, maybe i only need his), and it makes him unhappy when mom's unhappy with our relationship.
i allowed myself to forget temporarily how hard it is to deal with her. the only way to survive long-term around her is to do the things that are expected of me as much as i can stand to, and minimize my contact with her as much as possible. and i have to keep walking around muttering to myself that she's nuts and doesn't know what she's doing and it's not her fault, she was damaged by abusive parents (and by god, i'm never going to speak to her father again), and not really take her seriously. it's easiest, i imagine to just try not to care. to think i voluntarily spent time with on tuesday. what if she'd had a fit then?
she came to wake me up at 8 pm, and ask if she could make me dinner and ask me to come rent movies, and was totally contrite, which she ALWAYS is after these episodes. if you don't try to have a conversation about it she appears rational. she realizes that she was irrational and she says she was having a hard day and shit. so i went with her to get movies, and didn't talk about what happened.
the problem is that the way that makes surviving this shit the most likely still drives me insane. it's impracticable. for all the time i wasted yesterday thinking about where i could possibly go or what i could possibly do... uh, i don't know, i could have done something. my brain isn't the sort that accepts a problem without a solution. it's probably the result of reading too much. well, i just have to stay here. just typing this up is making my teeth chatter. can't deal, can't deal, and so on.
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Date: 21 Mar 2003 08:14 am (UTC)Re:
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Date: 21 Mar 2003 09:11 am (UTC)Re: tordanado holdado - "tornado hold" - megaman in Marvel vs Capcom 2
Date: 21 Mar 2003 12:15 pm (UTC)