THE HORRIFYING THINGS SCALE

[cimorene]

What follows is a meticulously calibrated scale of Levels of Horror generated by particular tropes and elements of a story. Every story falls somewhere on this scale. Examples at each point provide convenient references!

10. CHILD RAPE is more horrifying than
9. a MAFIA SEX HOUSE is more horrifying than
8. a PENIS SHRAPNEL injury is more horrifying than
7. SURPRISE VEHICULAR MANSLAUGHTER is more horrifying than
6. SURPRISE lubeless FISTING is more horrifying than
5. SURPRISE secret EATING DISORDER is more horrifying than
4. background DEAD!MIKEY [aka background dead!main character] is more horrifying than
3. COMPLETELY OOC DIALOGUE is more horrifying than
2. EVERYBODY'S GAY (even Andy and Joe) [aka even the really straight ones] is more horrifying than
1. TRIVIAL CANON ERRORS (such as meat-eating Frank).

A 0, of course, is not horrifying at all.

An appropriate comment for anything between 1 and 9 on the scale is "Well, at least it's not child rape."

Comments

[hollsh.livejournal.com]

...surprise lubeless fisting what the FUCK??? Well, I suppose the massive anal bleeding might soften things up a bit, but geez! I hope they have rubber sheets and a surgeon handy!

But at least it's not child rape.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

Not only is it not child rape, but the surprise lubeless fisting actually cured his erectile dysfunction! :O!!!!!!!

[hollsh.livejournal.com]

Wow! It's a fisting miracle!!

[wax-jism.livejournal.com]

Tbh, there was lube, but not a lot (suitable for regular fucking, not shoving your entire arm up the poor dude's ass) and srsly no prep, just WHAM I IZ FISTIN U HEE HEE. It was plenty horrifying, and not just because this was what finally healed the bottom's erectile dysfunction...

<33333333333333

[cimness.livejournal.com]

Jinx.

[hollsh.livejournal.com]

At least there was some, though a trip to the hospital was still probably necessary.

Maybe he hit a button when he was up there...

[emmuzka.livejournal.com]

I have never bumped into a mafia sex house, so I will replace it with Illogical Sexual Slave Whore House.

And, uh. Andy could be bisexual, and Joe just too stoned to care? Yep, because situational gayness is *so* common.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

There's room for SO MANY DUBIOUS CONSENT SITUATIONS at Level 9 Horrifyingness!

[emmuzka.livejournal.com]

BECAUSE DID YOU KNOW THAT DUBIOUS CONSENT IS ACTUALLY ROMANTIC?

[pixxers.livejournal.com]

I'm printing this out and hanging it over my desk.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

Sometimes it helps to remember that it isn't child rape YET.

[brownbetty]

penis shrapnel. Do I want to know, or will it be more delightful if I leave it my imagination?

[cimness.livejournal.com]

Ummmm... it's probably more delightful in your imagination. It's a penis disfigured by shrapnel, as revealed in a COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY TMI conversation in the story I was reading last night. Or, I dunno, maybe it's about equally delightful, unless your heart was set on the shrapnel coming from the penis.

[brownbetty]

I was somehow hoping for penis-shaped shrapnel. I'm gonna keep mine, actually, if you don't mind; I think it's better.

[overloved.livejournal.com]

I LOVE HOW IT SAYS CHILD RAPE REAL BIG ON MY FLIST.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah... um... warning?

[overloved.livejournal.com]

it's okay it's not like a have a job. :)

[cimness.livejournal.com]

Silver lining!

[vass]

I find 8 less horrifying than 7. Unless the shrapnel came from the penis, in which case argh.

As for 1... so far I haven't read any meat-eating Frank, but I've read a whole fucking lot of fic in which people who aren't vegan are vegan. Including Frank (who in a story I read recently ate something called a 'vegan, honey-crust pizza', which... what?) Including stories in which MCR are all vegan and this is Gerard's idea, and he nags his bandmates about it when they eat animal products, and again I say *what*? (Edited to add that this was not an au, it was just a background detail in a regular MCR fic.)

2. I dislike 'everybody's gay' heartily, but quite like Andy/Joe. Am I a bad person?

[cimness.livejournal.com]

Penis shrapnel is just that significant margin more horrifying. There's the grossness and the completely inappropriate TMI element as well as the endless potential for conversations about His Manhood and Functioning as a Man in addition to the SURPRISE and the 'Why is this statistically improbable injury even in this badfic?' element from SURPRISE VEHICULAR MANSLAUGHTER.

[overloved.livejournal.com]

honey is so not vegan. lol, i'm going to start adding "vegan" to everything i eat. i gotta go make a vegan sausage biscuit for brunch.

[brownbetty]

vegan meatlover's pizza! Vegan cheese-cake! Vegan meat-Popsicle! You're right, this is awesome.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

Or vegan-meat lover's pizza? Vegans just taste better!

[brownbetty]

And so romantic!

[vass]

The Buddhist-run vegetarian supermarket near where I live sells 'vegetarian intestines'. I've never quite dared to investigate more closely.

[vass]

The thing is, there *is* a vegan cheesecake. You make it with tofu. It's... well, it probably isn't exactly like the real thing, because I never liked anything with real cheese in it, and I *do* like tofu cheesecake. It's the baked sort, and it's light and firm and smooth and just the right mixture of sweet and sharp.

But vegan honey? No such thing. There are things vegans use as substitutes for honey, but you don't call them 'vegan honey', you call them agave nectar or maple syrup or rice syrup or whatever you used. (None of them tastes like honey, ftr.)

Now I want a vegan meatlover's pizza. No cheese (I've never managed to like fake cheese any better than I like the real thing.) Just seitan and tofu and tempeh and fake bacon and vegie-smoke all over. It'd be yum.

*is aware I'm probably grossing you out here*

[brownbetty]

Well, yes, I am-- well, dimly aware that there are such abominations as vegan "hotdogs" and such. (I call them abominable on account of their connection to hotdogs, not vegans, in case that is unclear.) How does one do veggie smoke, though?

[vass]

How does one do veggie smoke, though?

Either get some vegie 'meat' and smoke it the traditional way, like you would with real meat, or else just add some smoke flavouring while you make it.

Oh, and the advantage of vegan 'hotdogs' is that they're just the right shape for wrapping in a slice of bread and devouring, and they don't have hair or feces in them, like I've heard some real hotdogs do.

[brownbetty]

Yes, but the disadvantage to them is that they taste like hotdogs