dreams

dreamed i was locked in an attic with some other people including aubrybobry and some other [imaginary] cousins who were v. annoying, because we were all insane. my parents were downstairs. we were forced to watch aladdin (the disney one) all the way through and it was scary, and i kept looking for someone to have sex with but i couldn't find anyone. meanwhile, aubry was painting a dresser pink and purple but she ran out of purple paint. the purple part came out ugly, but i would'nt tell her i thought so 'cause i didn't want to hurt her feelings.

forget all about me and let me decay...

other people i love (other than those mentioned before): holls, kk, big sister lisa. panda+kynj and my adorable little "niece," and kwirbx for iconnage and guinevere33 for her landscaper. and daddy, even if he doesn't email me. :(

once i thought my innocence was gone. hm hm hm. lalala.

The air blew biting-cold, tingling with the promise of tomorrow morning's frost, chilled my eyelashes for that surreal feeling when you close your eyes and they play along your cheeks, numbing like ice.

--consoling myself for icky het with pretty nature. hm hm hm.

The weeks fading into months, the cherry blossoms' fall, the warm kiss of golden sun and the flush of approaching summer on the breeze.

how i could love you if i could let you stay

spam. my favorite song. ever. whee.

freddie mercury and samuel delany. what's with me and gay guys? <3<3<3

[edit-this book makes me VIBRATE with joy. i'm in LOVE. aaaaa.]

incoherent book-worship

the. book. book book book. babel-17 by samuel delany. meh. guh? oh. eep. i'm just so energized by it--i can feel writing, like, on the underside of my jaw, waiting to be written. and fire. somewhere, waiting to be caught--and i can feel lyrics and little thoughts and things simmering in my head. oh it's the most beautiful feeling ever! go! read the book! i just. ahhh! the book! am in love. with the book. *snuggles book* *kisses book*

whisper to the night to hide her starry light

ate kung pao chicken. it was spicy and contained peanuts. then frozen blueberry pie, which was gelatinous and processed and just generally suspicious. my stomach is already starting up with the complaints, along the lines of "peanuts. wtf?", and "oh, you thought i wouldn't NOTICE the gelatinous character of the blueberries, did you?"

bluh. don't like. don't like! *whimper*

in other news, am packing tonight as soon as my stomach calms down, and leaving tomorrow around 1 for home, where it's warm. i'm going to take pictures of family, dog, and self with parents' digital camera because i feel like it, possibly dressed in yukata (=lightweight cotton summer kimono) because it is green and because i so rarely have an excuse to wear it.

two years ago a japanese exchange student named mayumi lived with me, and then i spent the following summer with her. i miss her a LOT. a LOT. it's hard to get used to being alone again when for a long time, you never are. i could lock myself in my room, but then whenever i wanted something, i could go knock on her door. we went to the mall like twice a week just to walk around together and ate lunch together every day and in japan we talked about her boyfriend in the middle of the night at the kitchen table over keeki and milk yogurt and macha icecream and tea.

i miss her.

/rambling