the brooding i didn't get rid of last night on the phone

at the beginning of this year, i was very very glad to live in a triple. i wanted 2 roommates so i would not have to be alone, as i grew up very close to my family and am used to not being alone. then i discovered it's really not the same and got depressed and sick, and then i got over both of those, and rm#1 fell in love with her best friend the homewrecker and rm#2 got a sketchy boyfriend with whom she sleeps all the time, so i essentially do have a single, with the addition of occasional affection and a tv and refrigerator and couch and papasan chair belonging to the various roommates. this is good, n'est c'pas?

i now want a single. i don't want rm#2's sketchy guy walking into the living room when i'm talking on the phone in my underwear. i don't want rm#1 to ask me to lunch or need to talk about her problems (even though i love her, i really do) when i'm trying to im with a friend about the utter and complete collapse of his love life.

and next year, i'm probably going to live in a one-room double [trailer!] behind the athletic field a million miles from the dining hall. don't be surprised if i stop updating, then, it'll mean i've starved to death. i don't eat three meals a day living ABOVE the dining hall. --and i'll have as a roommate someone i don't know. of course, jr year abroad could be preferable, but isn't it sad when you make unlimited internet access an essential quality of your study-abroad location? and when you don't know where to go anymore after five years of japan being the single, the only, the Really Important thing in your life. i don't want to study japanese or major in it, and i still like japan, but i only really want to go there because i miss mayumi and her parents so hard it hurts. am dreading explaining this to my advisor--"i don't want to take japanese, but is there a study abroad anyway? but it has to be in kyoto." uhuuuuuuuuuuh.

meanwhile, i am sick of having secrets and i want the school year to be over, and i want my mom to... suddenly become more like my dad. i don't mind listening to her talk about bad students, but she's taking on scary irrational teacher characteristics.

bitch, bitch, bitch

this story feels like some of my early nslash, like, hm, elevator or camping, except that i've sort of graduated to themes, which right now just makes it look less focused. i just got up to get a tissue and became so dizzy i almost fell over again. uhmmmm, oops. moving along.

(no subject)

i have princess leia hair!

more random brain-burbles

our school rugby shirts are black with white collars and big white and violet stripes.

i need to date a rugby player so i can get one.

i waaaaaaaaaaant it.

food endearments (shut up. i've studied enough.)

looked up crumpet, and it doesn't sound v/ appetizing. i don't want to be a piece of one anymore, and i think sir ian's morsel is more like a truffle. possibly with kahlua or grand marnier.

2. A soft cake made of flour, beaten egg, milk, and barm or baking-powder, mixed into batter, and baked on an iron plate. (Royal Baker, 1890.) Now usually a soft, round, doughy cake made with flour and yeast, cooked on a griddle or the like and usu. eaten toasted with butter.

1912 E. H. RYLE Athletics iii. 53 The usual indigestible concomitants of a heavy tea--buttered buns and crumpets--ought to be eschewed.

1969 R. & D. DE SOLA Dict. Cooking 78/2 Crumpets are similar to..muffins but of porous consistency with surface holes.

( i'm also tim the enchanter and the little prince )

rant about sexism and culture and fucked sexuality issues and stuff.

my skin is tan; my hair is fine my skin is brown--my manner is tough
my hips invite you i'll kill the first mother i see
my mouth like wine my life has been rough
whose little girl am i? i'm awfully bitter these days
anyone who has money to buy because my mothers were slaves

-nina simone, four ( women )

gip

that, my dears, is juliet. but it bears a rather startling resemblance to me and... i want its (her. bleh.) dress. wantwantwantwhere'smyfuckingsewingmachine. er. i should be writing the food=sex=kissing??? scene with dom and lij (not the "can i lick you" one, but the other), but i think i shall make icons instead! *skips away*

[edit: OHNO! i made a kiss icon. i mean, uhm, not the band but the thing you do with your mouth... but i made two of it and i don't know which one to use. GRRRRR.]

(no subject)

i burned my finger with hot water.

hmph.

we danced in graveyards with vampires

...and the prospects did not look good, but carolyn called at 6, so am going dancing after all. and am wearing my cute cord skirt--and have, yes, shaved my legs, bleh. no makeup, though. go me. need hair tie, ee, must scamper. 8:00 fast approacheth.

daylight savings tomorrow and i have a letter to answer from cute japanese girl. meh.

whee! i fly.

[edit: no, the broomstick skirt, after all. socks w/ knee length skirt=stupid.]

contradance recap

for some reason i seem to get better at dancing every time. wait, no, that DOES make sense. anyway. the jazz shoes make a ton of difference--i can do triple twirls on the turn-as-a-couple move so fast i have to time them, pause in between--arm lift, spin into it, step and spin, step step twice in the same amount of pause and spin longer, spin out of the spin, with your skirt flying out like a flag.

i didn't miss a single opportunity for a twirl tonight, and my common law step first cousin once removed (the not-aunt) carolyn's love interest waltzed with me, and DAMN, he's good. he's really really REALLY good. i may be a competent waltzer now. and i found out how to do the girl-girl swing, with opposite arms around waists, and the one-handed swing, with the arms on the same side around each other's waists and the other arms free. and i found out how to spin into and out of the same swing, although i still can't spin all the way through a swing.

maybe next week.