so i follow you down this road that you follow you can't let go

i was four when i got these sheets and the bed my sister sleeps on, living in canada for the year for my dad's post doc. the bed is pressed wood enameled white, and it assembles into a bottomless-topless box with a ledge just inside the rim, which a series of wooden slats lie across to support a soft mattress without springs (that i sleep on now). the sheets are white with tremendous flowers, red and yellow and bright and pale blue, with gray stems and green leaves and centers. they look like they were drawn with a calligraphy brush. when i was in second grade, i slept on the floor inside the box, slats and mattress removed, and again over christmas in 8th (the Year of the Ex). now i sleep on the mattress on a futon frame just off the floor (which is good, as my dog can't fall off of it), and i've been walking around the house in the sheet wrapped like a sari, though it keeps falling off of me and i keep tripping over the hem. (i was cold, and i can't find my pajama pants).

i don't know why i feel so philosophical today, but memories keep billowing up around me. and i'm so exhausted that when i relax my legs tremble, but i've finally caught up on sleep, apparently, because i woke before 8 this morning unable to sleep anymore.

i hate oatmeal, but for breakfast i had two bowls of it drizzled liberally with honey and two cups of hot water that i didn't bother to put the tea bag in, and a handful of saltines. my stomach is unpleasantly full, now, but at least i won't starve or dehydrate. i ate most of breakfast with one of the cats curled up in my lap, purring.

what, exactly, defines love? i write romance all the time, and i'm practically in the business of it, i suppose; but still i don't know. is it wanting to be around a person all the time? is it finding their "virtues many and their faults most endearing" (a line from in check that's stuck with me determinedly)? does it imply more about tolerance and the motivation for it--because you want to--as that implies--than about any kind of blindness to said faults? is it the result of your subconscious's intellectual exercises in searching for an appropriate mate--trying to strong-arm you into its choice? the cultural construct of love is so tremendous and many-faceted that it must get in the way of real interpersonal relationships all the time. i don't want to say it only hinders them; there's the fact that all cultures seem to have something like it, after all. it enriches them, and i suppose if it's real for so many people, whether it's really natural is a moot point.

i'm so curious! damn being young.

(no subject)

there's no pleasure quite like that of a responsive v6 car. mmh, with the windows down. accelerating around corners. *purrs*

State of Modern Rap Lyrics Update #2

we go to the club and she take her shirt off
if not for me, for the raspberry Smirnoff

excuse me while i become quietly hysterical.