i copied this from a dorothy sayers chapter heading.

love? do i love? i walk
within the brilliance of another's thought,
as in a glory. i was dark before,
as venus' chapel in the black of night:
but there was something holy in the darkness,
softer and not so thick as otherwhere;
and as rich moonlight may be to the blind,
unconsciously consoling. then love came,
like the out-bursting of a trodden star.

-thomas lovell beddoes, the second brother

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asking someone 'why do people love you?' is a little stupid. if you knew, wouldn't that make life easier? snort.

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my stomach seems to be permanently upset. i'm not happy about this. or rather, it goes away occasionally, and i eat. but it does a good enough job of appearing omnipresent.

parents highly distressing. i lie down and dream about paint scraping. my fingers are horribly torn up, but i think i'm done enough with the chair to sand the edges and prime it. only i'm not TOUCHING sandpaper until my fingers stop hurting, thank you.

i possibly have given up on my stomach.

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this is an interesting but not entirely plausible of an account of an experiment with fascism--the fascist mentality--in a high school. okay, it's fascinating and possibly even illuminating, but i find it difficult to imagine its taking place so quickly as it's described.

relevant nonetheless, i presume.

otoh: armies are run like this. countries are not, because it's simply impracticable.

extended mood theme list!

journal fen is going to have an extended list of mood themes eventually. look here!

me: it has adamant! befuddled! campy, cantankerous, dumb, evil, extra-crispy, fannish, fan-fucking-tastic, flamey, flameproof, flavorful, gossipy, holier-than-though, illogical, impish, knackered, meta. pimping! righteous! postal! squee, stupid, stoned. vampish, wankish, wanky, whiny, wicked, wiped.

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either sixteen or fourteen moods left to find, but i've nearly exhausted my supply of source images. i don't think pre-raphaelite models were much given to being silly, nerdy, geeky, bouncy, or chipper, but i'm going to have to try to find some. wish me luck, troops!