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As part of an organized attempt to stave off winter depression/ennui and simultaneously gradually accustom myself to being out of the house more, I have resolved to go to the library at least once per week from now on and also to go downtown to the city center to take care of some sort of errand at least once per week.
Ironically the very day after I made this resolution last week I went to the library and was accosted by one of those Creepy Strange Dudes Who Hit on Women in Public Places Using Pathetically Transparent Lines.
Now, generally, providing that I do not get a threatening vibe off of you, I am more apt to be immediately bemused than annoyed by these sorts of encounters - perhaps because they haven't happened to me so very often (probably because I'm usually a total shut-in), perhaps because as someone without great social skills I can sympathize on some level with the awkwardness of a truly pathetic pick-up line, even if it is a level buried under a lot of lesbianism, standoffishness and introversion, and feminist outrage against patriarchical assumptions about male entitlement to women's bodies and attention and time. But this guy still managed to piss me off with his extremely persistent pushiness.
In fact, when he first started talking to me I didn't realize he was one of those guys at all, because he was brown and his Finnish was both halting and accented (although hey, better than mine obviously) and then his English was equally bad - actually worse - so at first I wasn't quite sure that he was able to express what he wanted to express, and I thought he might actually have been trying to ask me a specific question, or just be friendly, or strike up a conversation on a specific subject. But seriously, creepy guys who determinedly hit on women in public libraries, please take some friendly pointers from me:
Oddly, while this was really annoying, it didn't cause me any particular anxiety or affect my plans to continue visiting town and the library. It did make me reflect gratefully on the fact that Finns culturally are a reserved people and typically dislike smalltalk as much as I do, which has meant a much smaller number of that sort of encounter here than I ever had in America. Of course, not speaking the local lingo does help, if you can shrug politely and escape before the would-be accoster successfully switches gears to English; that has helped me a number of times.
Anyway, on another note entirely, an exciting milestone in my life: for the first time ever my phone got turned off the week before last because I forgot to pay my phone bill! I paid it 8 days late, to be precise, a week ago last Saturday, but it took them until Thursday to turn my phone service back on. It was a bit like time out for grownups, not being able to use my 3G internet when I was out and about. Also surprisingly upsetting knowing that I couldn't call anyone if something happened - emergency services, wife, family, or whatever. The really funny thing is that I get my phone bills in email, so you wouldn't think I could forget to pay them on time. They arrive well in advance of the last due date, too, so what would happen was every time I checked my email I would see it sitting there in my Inbox and think "Oh yeah, I really need to remember to pay that!" and then just continue not paying it, and usually forget again as soon as I walked away. So my tentative new strategy is to open them right away and put the due date and several other reminders in my phone's calendar, with alarms to make sure I don't forget completely.
#creepy guys hitting on people in libraries #fuck the patriarchy #your odds might be slightly better if you picked women who weren't both reading AND wearing headphones
Ironically the very day after I made this resolution last week I went to the library and was accosted by one of those Creepy Strange Dudes Who Hit on Women in Public Places Using Pathetically Transparent Lines.
Now, generally, providing that I do not get a threatening vibe off of you, I am more apt to be immediately bemused than annoyed by these sorts of encounters - perhaps because they haven't happened to me so very often (probably because I'm usually a total shut-in), perhaps because as someone without great social skills I can sympathize on some level with the awkwardness of a truly pathetic pick-up line, even if it is a level buried under a lot of lesbianism, standoffishness and introversion, and feminist outrage against patriarchical assumptions about male entitlement to women's bodies and attention and time. But this guy still managed to piss me off with his extremely persistent pushiness.
In fact, when he first started talking to me I didn't realize he was one of those guys at all, because he was brown and his Finnish was both halting and accented (although hey, better than mine obviously) and then his English was equally bad - actually worse - so at first I wasn't quite sure that he was able to express what he wanted to express, and I thought he might actually have been trying to ask me a specific question, or just be friendly, or strike up a conversation on a specific subject. But seriously, creepy guys who determinedly hit on women in public libraries, please take some friendly pointers from me:
- A library is not a good place to pick up chicks if your strategy involves mansplaining and interrogation. You are supposed to be quiet in the library.
- If someone is wearing headphones and takes one out to talk to you, do not move closer and pull the other one out of their other ear for them. It is both creepily over-familiar (don't touch me, seriously) and presumptuous (I'm an adult and will fucking decide for myself if you merit my full attention).
- On that subject, someone who is evidently absorbed in a book is not a prime candidate for any sort of conversation, let alone a completely pointless one. It's an even worse sign if they try to continue reading while you are talking to them. If they show every sign of being absorbed in the book you should probably leave them alone. Especially in a public library, where, as mentioned, you can take for granted they have come to obtain or read books.
- "I haven't seen you here before" is already lame enough without contradicting someone who says they live in your city because "I live here and I haven't seen you". Twice in a row. Also I'm not really sure why your alternate suggestion for where I might live would be "Nousis".
- I do have a mother. That is because everyone has a mother. Fortunately for me, my mother is alive and well. If you actually were trying to find out if I lived with her: 1. dude that's creepy and 2. if I had been the age you evidently thought I was that would have been even MORE creepy.
- After someone tells you they are married approximately 10 times in a row is not the time to ask if they have a baby. Whether it was my response of "Ew, no. Definitely no baby. CATS" or the fact that I suddenly flipped back to the book's table of contents, I am glad that you gave up at this point since I shudder to think what the next question on your list was.
Oddly, while this was really annoying, it didn't cause me any particular anxiety or affect my plans to continue visiting town and the library. It did make me reflect gratefully on the fact that Finns culturally are a reserved people and typically dislike smalltalk as much as I do, which has meant a much smaller number of that sort of encounter here than I ever had in America. Of course, not speaking the local lingo does help, if you can shrug politely and escape before the would-be accoster successfully switches gears to English; that has helped me a number of times.
Anyway, on another note entirely, an exciting milestone in my life: for the first time ever my phone got turned off the week before last because I forgot to pay my phone bill! I paid it 8 days late, to be precise, a week ago last Saturday, but it took them until Thursday to turn my phone service back on. It was a bit like time out for grownups, not being able to use my 3G internet when I was out and about. Also surprisingly upsetting knowing that I couldn't call anyone if something happened - emergency services, wife, family, or whatever. The really funny thing is that I get my phone bills in email, so you wouldn't think I could forget to pay them on time. They arrive well in advance of the last due date, too, so what would happen was every time I checked my email I would see it sitting there in my Inbox and think "Oh yeah, I really need to remember to pay that!" and then just continue not paying it, and usually forget again as soon as I walked away. So my tentative new strategy is to open them right away and put the due date and several other reminders in my phone's calendar, with alarms to make sure I don't forget completely.
#creepy guys hitting on people in libraries #fuck the patriarchy #your odds might be slightly better if you picked women who weren't both reading AND wearing headphones
