Selected Fic Headers: Dwobbit arithmetic, the zombie sister of Rob Lowe, cannibalism

1. Summary: Bilbo's sister is...disturbing.


2. Summary: Bilbo and Thorin makes love.


3. [Tags] Bofur, Bifur, I am in love with that fucking badger
   


4. Summary: Bilbo has been annoying the dwarves with his game of riddles. One night Thorin agrees to play, only if he wins that he can eat the hobbit. A prompt given to me by someone over at FF.net. I hope they like it :/


5. [Tags] Thorin Oakenshield/Reader, Elrond/Reader, Aragorn/Reader, Legolas/Reader, Thorin Oakenshield, Elrond, Aragorn, Legolas, PWP, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot
   Summary: Reader/character-smut. Mmmm. PWP because who needs plot anyway?

THINGS IN FIC WHICH ARE ON NOTICE:

(As far as I can tell the Stephen Colbert On Notice Generator has gafiated.)

1. "pucker"


2. "greedy" (to describe the anus)


3. "spilling hotly"


4. "so hot. so tight"


5. "his lower regions"


6. "that bundle of nerves"


7. "the evidence of his desire"


8. "erotic" in the middle of a sex scene


9. "warm fluid"


10. "his shaft"


11. "his cloth-covered length"


12. "drifting south" (or "South", which is even funnier)


13. "heat in his groin"


14. "a hardness"


15. "corresponding hardness" ("Dear language center:...")


16. "tweaked a nipple"

The Yarn Diet

The Yarn Diet lasted from the holiday season last year until the end of January in order to fully cover all three surviving parent birthdays.

The purpose of the Yarn Diet was to minimize distractions due to purchasing new yarn and ensure that all holiday gifts were knitted/crocheted and given to their recipients on time.

Especially the cashmere scarf that Wax was supposed to make for her mom's 2012 birthday, but didn't even start until last fall.

The Yarn Diet has ended!

And there was rejoicing at first, even though

• while the Yarn Diet was in effect, we purchased yarn for at least 3 new projects and impulse-bought some random yarn;

but then I noticed that in fact, not only did Wax not finish her mom's 2012 birthday scarf, she started several unplanned projects in the interim, including some unplanned-for ones and one that has nothing to do with the holiday season, the latter of which she did not finish. And then she stopped knitting all together when she ran out of other things to knit. Now she doesn't knit at all, she just reads hockey news and hockey bulletin boards. (I'm hoping she'll get over it before I get around to investigating divorce proceedings.)

So therefore, not only will there be no yarn-related PURCHASES until the scarf is finished, Wax will also not be allowed to do any knitting except the scarf until it is finished because I want new yarn and I'm unhappy about this sympathetic abstinence.

And unrelatedly she has entered a binding commitment to purchase ice skates and come skating regularly with me in exchange for being allowed to watch a hockey game. (The permission was explicitly for just one hockey game, but she didn't find that adequate so has been treating it as a blanket permission.)