Badfic Headers Today! Special everything-must-go edition!

[cimorene]

I'm about out of badfic headers¹! 

Okay, first of all, this is like a Special Edition, because the first several of these completely appalling summaries are all by the same person, whom, for reasons which shall become clear, I like to refer to as Immortal Waycestous Assbaby Snake!Frank Girl.

1. Summary: [AU: Planet of the Apes crossover with canon modifications ] Gee, a domesticated human and slave is taken by his master, Mikey--an orangutan, to the zoo.



2. Summary: [AU] Frank is a fourteen year old demon attending his first day of Catholic school. Gerard is a priest and a pedophile. The two meet on Frank's terms.



3. Summary: [AU/Historical] During the Ice Age, a Cro-Magnon Fra-nke [Frank] struggles with the untimely death of his band's leader, Ger-a [Gerard].
   Author Notes: FYI This is a historical fic, not comedy. Loosely based on a short story I wrote about eight years ago. I use dashes in the names to aid with how I imagine them being pronounced. Dialogue is intentionally normal, as my beta crossbow1 explained in my defense: As one of my Anthro professors said, there's no such thing as a primitive language: Every language is exactly as complex as it needs to be for the people who use it. For those who are unaware, Cro-Magnon man looked a lot like modern man. Italics signify a flashback/the past. Dedicated to vacantlystained for suggesting the idea of a caveman slash.



4. Summary: [Extremely AU Dark Fantasy High School Fic, sequel to Serpentes] After six centuries spent in isolation, Gerardo and Michael (two immortals, Gerardo a sorcerer, Michael an alchemist) have lost their humanity and are bored, very bored. To keep themselves entertained, they awaken Francesco (their immortal naga love child) and throw him into an American high school during the late 1990s.

As a bonus, have a few

POV: Third Person [I think]


Summary: AU. Ryan Ross is a rising name in the fashion industry. Brendon Urie just wants a job.


Summary: Brendon is well off and living in his apartment with a decent managerial position, and he’s content in where he is in life. Ryan, on the other hand, is a broken boy who is stuck in denial of who he is because it’s what broke him and left him on the streets in the first place. Being in the right place at the right time will help Brendon teach Ryan a thing or two about living in denial.


Summary: 'I mean it wasn't a kiss was it? No, he's my best friend, his lips must have wanted to say hello to mine, or maybe it was just an accident, anyway I'm not even gay...I think.'


Disclaimer Don't own, don't sue, don't steal. Oh! and I don't condone anything that goes on in my slash... As I like to say I have no control over my characters, they live a life of their own. It's just my job to describe their fictional lives
WARNING! This slash will include: Rape, Child molestation, Incest, Self-harm, alcohal abuse, drug abuse, gay sex, suicidal thoughts, and suicidal encouragement.

and, as an EXTRA bonus, here's a whole POST of badfic summaries I found at patrickxpeter, ahahhahahaha.

Plot bunnies!!!
I got bored today and, as I am REALLY bad at writing fics, I thought that I would share fic ideas with all of you. I'm a hurt/comfort freak so, don't be surprised to find a lot of H/C plot bunnies in there. You can use one of many of them if you want. Have fun! :)
 
-Patrick just got out of an abusive relationship and has developed trust issues, Pete helps him see what love is really all about.

-Pete pulls a prank on Patrick and pushes him into the pool while he is asleep…little did he know that Patrick is deadly scared of deep water 
and can't swim.

-The guys go to a fair, Pete gets sick on one of the rides and Patrick has to look after him.
 
-Pete and Patrick meet at a summer camp.
 
-Patrick is sent to a juvenile correctional institution. Pete, also a resident there, just knows that the young man will be eaten alive in there and can’t help but feel the need to look out for him.
 
-Imagine this: Pete and Patrick in the middle of nowhere in a broken down van at night. It is freezing outside and there is snow falling really heavily outside, snowing them in. The inside of the van is getting pretty cold and the boys don’t know what to do.
 
-What if their van accident had had more impact on FOB that just the van itself being crashed?

-During the “kerrang” photo shoot, Patrick just doesn’t want to strip down to his boxers like the rest of the guys.
 
-Pete is a hooker and, driving by, Patrick just can’t help but stop and try to pick him up. 
 
-Patrick is molested during the warp tour and Pete is left to pick up the pieces.

1. Cause I've been busy writing instead of reading badfic - now mwerewolfpreg, ahaha. This has involved lots of research into Romanian and Hungarian names, and also a lot of poking around Wikipedia on the topic of Renaissance Europe - not to mislead anyone into thinking it's going to be well-researched or anything, and also, werewolf vampire mpreg, so. But it's nice to make sure that places exist and so on.

Comments

[kyuuketsukirui.livejournal.com]

They had bands in the Ice Age?

[cimness.livejournal.com]

Speciesist! Don't you know that Cro-Magnon man was no less advanced than homo sapiens?

[thelionforreal.livejournal.com]

number three from assbaby girl wins forever. forever.

and i kind of want to bookmark this in case i ever feel this deep need within to write some awesome pete/patrick badfic. she's got it all lined out for me right there! every badfic i could ever want to write!

except maybe the one where ... okay, really. i'm at a loss here. i'm sure something will come to me when it is not quarter after five am.

as i like to say, i have no control over the badfic that i write!

[cimness.livejournal.com]

Oh, never underestimate the possibilities. I've probably posted twice this many myself.

[pixxers.livejournal.com]

Oh my god. How do you keep finding this stuff? It just keeps getting better and better.

-Patrick is molested during the warp tour and Pete is left to pick up the pieces.

Ahahahahaha. The same thing happened to Blink 182.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

The same thing happened to Blink 182.

Ahahhaha! O RLY?

[sinden.livejournal.com]

Patrick is molested during the warp tour and Pete is left to pick up the pieces.

Yeah, it involed Frank Iero, a blowjob and a can of whipped cream. Patrick wasn't in anyway complainng, but Pete just can't understand the trauma that would have caused that. Patrick gives up trying to explain.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

So the pieces = whipped cream...?

[sinden.livejournal.com]

More like the cups that Patrick knocked off the counter in the middle of said molestation.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

Oh, right.

That's new, Pete cleaning up Patrick's messes...

[sinden.livejournal.com]

Yes, but Pete? He sees it as a metaphor for Patrick's bruised and molested self. If he can just put the pieces of the cups back together, then Patrick will be whole again.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

Then he writes some lyrics about it.

[sinden.livejournal.com]

And Patrick is confused.

[someblazingstar.livejournal.com]

Oh my God, Assbaby Girl WINS AT LIFE. And by "wins," I mean...gah. Why is it that this kind of insane, super-creative imagination so frequently tends to be possessed by badfic writers who use it for evil? I mean, except for the first one, they're all so original - who else would come up with that stuff? But who wants to think about cavemen getting it on, either?

Where do you find these, by the way?

[cimness.livejournal.com]

I find these at the big plebe communities right here on lj, the same places the newsletter used to check back when they hadn't stopped making it.

[vass]

Francesco (their immortal naga love child)

That is the best parenthetical aside I've read all day.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

It's really up there, isn't it?