there's something about unfortunate skin metaphors. and pants metaphors.

[cimorene]

All that unadulterated cream-and-coffee skin against white, with dark tangles at stern and midship, was just too delicious a contrast for Matt. His pants were strangling him.

cim: This paragraph is like a one-two-three punch of wtf? that knocks you out.
cim: BAM, cream-and-coffee skin! You're reeling!
lilah: Stern and midship? WHAT?
cim: Exactly! WHAM, stern and midship! What? you're staggering!
lilah: HIS PANTS WERE STRANGLING HIM!
cim: AND YOU'RE OUT COLD.
cim: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?
lilah: I DON'T KNOOOOOOOOOOOOOW
cim: WHY ARE HIS PANTS SUDDENLY ANIMATE AND BENT ON MURDER? WASN'T THIS A BAD SEX SCENE A MINUTE AGO? WHAT HAPPENED? WHERE AM I?

Comments

[mecurtin.livejournal.com]

*laughs and laughs and laughs some more*

[anglepoiselamp.livejournal.com]

I think the pants had a better literary taste and decided to make it clear they wanted no part in this.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

That's the best explanation for all this madness I've yet seen!

[mod-journal.livejournal.com]

*dies* ROFLMAO

[vass]

With dark tangles? His skin was tangled?

[cimness.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I thought about that! But what if it's not actually his SKIN that's tangled, but the coffee? The cream was insufficiently mixed in at stern and midship, allowing a darker coffee-based colour for the... ... wood? fiberglass? coffee boat?

Bad!porn induces monkey noises

[iamsupernova.livejournal.com]

Ahee ahoo ahahahahha.... that's ridiculous.
I doubt the author meant the last sentence to have multiple meanings, but...

His rapid breathing was strangling him
His trousers were choking him via the neck
His trousers were choking him via the crotch (most likely)

Oh, the ricockulousness.