new bandslash fic: absence sort of does make the heart

[cimorene]

So, a little more than a month ago bexless told me she had to write a story based on some seriously awful rap lyrics and said "Help!" In the course of figuring out how to turn that prompt into a story, I came up with a bit of Bob/Ray backstory. And that backstory eventually turned into this.

Absence Sort of Does Make the Heart (≈36 000 words)
Bandslash: My Chemical Romance, Bob Bryar/Ray Toro
NC-17, AU
Thanks to bexless for cheerleading and to wax_jism and stereomer for beta.

Where did Bob come from, he wonders suddenly, and how did he end up in Belleville, where there are playgrounds you should stay out of because bodies get dumped there, fixing sound at the Houndstooth and the Loop Lounge and the Crimson for local gigs on weeknights, and sleeping in Ray's bed and learning how to make grilled cheese even though he used to not even scramble eggs?

Be certain to read bexless's Frank/Gerard companion story, Conclusions! (Mine comes first, chronologically.)

Comments

[dsudis.livejournal.com]

Oh, man, I just woke up to this and I'm going to totally fail to do it justice, but I love love love this--BOB! Being BOB! All tech guy and low-key and quiet and playing things close to the chest--and Ray with his obliviousness and the two of them being such guys with each other. Just. So totally awesome and fantastically hot and generally the kind of story that leaves me wondering why people do not write Ray/Bob ALL THE TIME because LOOK AT THIS.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

I wonder why people don't write it all the time frequently! Or at least a little bit more of the time! I really like this dynamic and, like you said, the way their characterisations can fit together. I'm so glad you found it satisfying!

[vass]

This makes me so happy.

Thank you so much for making them both working musicians doing the *work*, like getting gigs and playing gigs and teaching and practising and networking. I have read so much fanfic in which the authors seem to imagine being a musician means basically showing up for performances (which seem to get scheduled by magic) and doing fuck all between those performances, and then getting paid stratospheric amounts which go directly to them and never to venue hire or crew or management.

Your Ray and Bob are adults who have a budget, even where 'budget' is more like 'list of priorities', and who think about where the rent's coming from, and that's really wonderful to read.

In the same way, you paid just enough attention, and not too much, to their sexualities and ethnicities - enough to establish that you'd given it a thought, without turning them into collections of traits, not characters.

And... yeah. I must have been reading way too much of the wrong fic for it to seem so fresh and rare and surprising that you did it all *right*, but you *did*, and kudos.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

Heee! I'm so glad to hear you say that! You know, I think part of the motivation behind that was just this huge drive I had to write really nesty, domestic, cosy stuff - day-to-day life and, yeah, rent, and budgeting, and cooking, and the possibly-sickening, comforting romanticness of that kind of thing. Maybe I'm just getting soft in my old age, of course. (I'm extra pleased with your remark about their backgrounds! Thanks for that.)

[phineasjones.livejournal.com]

i'm so excited!!! i haven't read it yet but just knowing that i can now makes me 12 kinds of happy.

<3!

[yan-tan-tether.livejournal.com]

I just lost most of an afternoon to this fic and I love it. Really nicely long and satisfying and sweet.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'm so glad you found it satisfying. ♥

[neverneverfic.livejournal.com]

um, hi. this story is amazing. i had no idea how much i like, needed, bob/ray in my life before reading this.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

That is the highest compliment I could receive in feedback, so thank you! I think we all need more Bob/Ray in our lives, and I hope that situation is rectified sometime soon.

[7iris.livejournal.com]

Oh, boys! ♥! I love this story, the long, slow, inverted progression of it (move in together, have sex, fall in love), and the characterizations and voices. And I love how it's so full of everyday details about work and life, domestic without being saccharine.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

It's not really the emotions for the characters that are inverted so much as the external status of their relationship - I've kind of made Bob a giant gooey die-hard romantic what with moving across the country on the force of a crush and a lot of stubbornness. At least the stubbornness is canon! I'm so glad the degree of domesticness doens't come across as too saccharine: it's hard to balance with something as domestic as this because I can't help feeling the fluffiness! I worried a fair bit about that when I was writing.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

This really is a completely amazing story. Seriously, you've *made* this pairing for me.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

Oh, good! I hope I can spark a little bit of interest in it and get someone, eventually, to write some more. This writing is basically the result of my killer craving. ♥

[marcolette.livejournal.com]

I feel like I should be leaving longer and more coherent feedback for the amount of time I've spent happily living in this universe with these boys. But mostly I just wanted to keep living there, with all their slightly clueless emotional denseness.

I love your Ray and your Bob, and I really enjoyed this.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

Your sentiment is felt and appreciated - don't worry about being more coherent, please! I'm glad to feel that you found this universe cosy and relaxing to settle into, because that was definitely the main point!

And I have no compunction in telling you there is more of it coming, in a few days. Not of Bex's, alas (I did try to talk her into it), but I have another Bob/Ray sequel I'm revising now.

[iamtheenemy.livejournal.com]

Oh, yay! This was so great! There is not nearly enough Ray fic in the world. OMG, I was screaming at my computer when Ray agreed to go on that date. Oh man. The description of the restaurant and the whole atmosphere of the date. Perfect, just perfect. Great job all around. I didn't want it to end.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

Hee hee, thank you! I think the restaurant was the most fun part to write, although it wasn't actually my favourite cause Bob wasn't there. I've been to that restaurant way too many times, I think. XD

And I definitely think there should be more Ray. Especially if he's paired with Bob, because I have a constitutional inability to read Frank and Gerard with other people than each other, and I wouldn't want to have to boycott it. But Ray/Mikey could work too.

[wistfuljane.livejournal.com]

I want to reiterate what everyone said about how you made me believe in this pairing. I love the Bob and Ray and BobandRay you've created, their interactions, voices, and non-courtship. They both sweet, nice guys and it really came across in your story. I especially love the fact that Bob does sound tech in exchange of non-monetary payments and how Ray's exasperated by it. And I'm still giggling over Ray's date. ♥

[cimness.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad to hear that! Having converted people to the pairing is the best I could hope for and also what I was aiming for. (Now I just hope some more of them write Bob/Ray!)

Of course, there's no canon evidence that Bob is so easy-going with money or that Ray is at all tight-fisted, but it sort of came from nowhere and became a running joke. I kind of felt like I should disclaim for besmirching Ray's honour like that! I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for the comment!

[inawonderland.livejournal.com]

This was absolutely amazing. I seriously can't express my love for this. You amaze me as a writer. People need to write more Bob/Ray to this standard.

Minor typo:
catches up on Ray's collection of comics, gets addicts* to the Montel Williams show and starts boycotting Maury Povich.
*addicted?

[cimness.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'm glad you liked it.

[inawonderland.livejournal.com]

you're so very welcome. :D

[lily-liedtome.livejournal.com]

I read both of these today and they're just absolutely fabulous. I don't really have any words, but these are perfect. I can tell that I'm going to end up rereading both of these all the time. ♥

[cimness.livejournal.com]

Heee. I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Thank you for the note. Your appreciation is appreciated. ♥

[stepps.livejournal.com]

So, just got done, and had to come back, even though now I absolutely have to read bex's side: OMG YOU OWN ME! CAN I HAVE YOUR BABIES? OR JUST TRY MAKING SOME? BECAUSE SERIOUSLY, YOU OWN ME SO HARD.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

Hahhahahaha. I'm so glad you enjoyed it! I'm sure you've already fallen in love with Bex's now, too. :) Thanks for the fb!

[poultryofperil.livejournal.com]

I ended up reviewing bexless's fic first, because I'm stupid like that, but dude, *oh my GOD*.

First of all, thank you for the love of puppies and rainbows and unicorns, etc. for actually, like. Writing Bob/Ray. For writing GOOD Bob/Ray. Hey, no, for writing Bob/Ray that makes me fistpump in the middle of my living room and crack the fuck up and also smile like a total idiot and simultaneously scare the living hell out of my mother.

You are made of awesome (and puppies and rainbows and unicorns, etc.).

I would get into details, but I have class in three hours. But most of my conversations throughout the rest of the day are going to include, "AND THEN THERE'S THIS PART WHERE RAY ACCIDENTALLY GOES ON THIS DATE WITH THIS WEIRD OLD GUY AND IT'S SO FUCKING FUNNY, YOU GUYS. *SO FUNNY*."

I'll shut up now.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

I'm sure you can forgive yourself for commenting on Bex's first. We certainly don't mind. I'm not a stickler for chronological order, and it was longer. ;) I'm so glad you enjoyed it! And I'm totally with you on the Ray/Bob - I mean, not all the descriptive terms about mine, just about how vital it is to the future of fandom/the WORLD and how EVERYONE should write it. Why isn't there more? Why? I ask myself daily. (Thanks for contributing to the Bob/Ray... body... of work, by the by. I definitely recognise your name. It's sort of memorable.) I think that actual... gay dad on a date thing... belongs to Bex, because she's funnier than me and most of the truly funny stuff was her idea. I was totally waffling about whether it was a dad or a mom, and she said "GAY DAD IS FUNNY", and lo, I do believe she was right. So thanks, Bex. ♥ Anyway, thanks for the fb!

[joyfulseeker.livejournal.com]

I think, it was right around the time that Bob and Ray slid drunkenly together on the floor and then had sex that Bob didn't remember for three days, that I emailed my friend who had just left my apartment to say, "THIS STORY IS ALREADY THE BEST STORY IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD." An hour later (because she was traveling home on the subway) she emailed me back to say that she hadn't read it yet because she was just getting back, but she was excited to read it, and I, who was reading about Ray coming back to his apartment and finding Bob lying on his couch for him, emailed back, "IT IS STILL THE BEST STORY IN THE WORLD." I still definitely feel that way. I love how you built so much time into this story. The pacing was beautiful, and it was so absolutely fascinating to see the story from the two opposing points of view, to see first how Bob saw himself and Ray, and then how Ray saw himself and Bob.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

I'm so delighted and flattered by this feedback that I can't think of a way to respond to it that doesn't sound stupid. I hope you can forgive me for that and consider that our culture doesn't provide a lot of gracious and cool ways to respond to praise. And also I'm kind of lame. But anyway, this feedback is as glowy and wonderful as your grinning Mikey icon.

When I got about 3/4 done with this story I started to regret having split it into two points of view. In my original idea, there was a much longer time interval between the Bob part and the Ray part, and the Bob part was going to be in past tense as well. When I ended up adjusting the timeline as I went along, it changed a lot, but... I think I still like it. I'm glad you did, anyway; you got out of it what I was trying to do with it, and that's always nice.

[juniper137.livejournal.com]

Alright, I'm going to start out by saying that I've never read any Bob/Ray. I, for one, can't really think of a good reason why I didn't.
Anyway, I did read your story, and god dammit, you completely sold me! I loved it so much, and you made the pairing work so well...and now I need to find much more Bob/Ray to read. Just, not today. Because I was actually supposed to accomplish something today, and hey! it's nearly six at night. Actually. Wow. That's...later than I thought.
The story was epic and the writing just sucked me in and wouldn't let me go. Which is interesting since their wasn't a whole bunch of melodrama -- which was actually the awesome thing about the relationship.
My favorite part was the fact that they were such GUYS. I mean, I was grossed out by some of the descriptions of the food they were consuming at alarming rates. Which is how it is in real life, at least with the men I know. That was just one thing that made this AU really...realistic. I could absolutely see it.

I really, really loved it, and I have a feeling it's going to be one that I'll reread many times.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you liked it! I was pretty much moved to write by the fact that there's not very much Bob/Ray out there, though, so I'm afraid your search will be pretty short. I'm constantly hoping for some more to show up, though!

[turloughishere.livejournal.com]

This is the first Bob/Ray story I've read and I don't think it will ever become one of my favourite pairings but I really, really like this story! It's such a wonderfully realised AU setting and the characterisation is fantastic!! I'm very happy I took the time to read it!!

[cimness.livejournal.com]

Well, it's good that you don't regret making an exception! Thanks for the feedback!

[impertinence.livejournal.com]

I loved this ridiculously. Their relationship was constructed interestingly--I feel kind of like we got to see around it before we got access to the insides of their heads, if that makes sense. At any rate, it worked very well. ♥ Thanks for this!

[cimness.livejournal.com]

I'm glad it worked for you! I suppose what you're seeing in the development of the relationship is just the effect of my attempt to make them kind of dense, ie slow to consciously work out the things they subconsciously take for granted. Thanks for the note!

[saba1789.livejournal.com]

That was just seriously awesome and I really really enjoyed reading this a lot. Thank you so much for writing and sharing it :) .

[cimness.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the feedback! I'm glad you enjoyed the story, and I appreciate that you took the time.

[someblazingstar.livejournal.com]

OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD, DUDE.

So, like, that was so awesome. Ray! And Bob! Like others commenting, I had not previously realised how much pr0ny Rayfic would make me squee, or that it really is a damn shame that more people don't write it. With Bob! And although I am totally not a romantic, at all, even a bit (no, really!), I spent pretty much this whole fic bouncing around going "Okay, seriously, you guys, when are you going to just admit you're totally in love and just be BOYFRIENDS already?? God!" You fully sucked me in. Damnit.

Ray accidentally going on date with Creepy Dad: Awesome. (And yet so, so creepy. Ray! He was blasting Queen at you! Come on, man!)
The bit where Ray is thinking about Bob and how he's only a couple of years older than Frank and about how hot and young and blushy he is: Um, damn.
"I think you've got the start of a top 10 hit there" - hee!

I love how you describe them, their bodies and behaviour, and how easy (and yet just slightly not, since they kind of dance around the whole in-love-with-each-other thing for like ever) their interactions are, regular boys, unforced. This is freaking wonderful and reaffirms why fanfiction helps make my life a happy place. Thank you, ma'am.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

You might be protesting a bit too much about being a romantic there. Evidently you simply did not previously realise the kernels of romanticism were there? Although if you're reading lots of romance fiction (even just smut) as a hobby, that probably indicates a predilection at the least... but I'll accept some credit if you like. If it makes you feel better. ;) I'm glad you liked my vision of casual cohabitation = nesting, though. I think it's a winning (albeit kind of goopy) premise. Yay for fluff.

[sperrywink]

This was such a lovely, wonderful story. I loved how gradually the relationship developed, although the feelings were there all along.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[erilyn.livejournal.com]

I only just realised I never left for this, which considering how many times I've read it in the month since you posted it, is really lame of me.

This story (and the sequel) make my heart happy, and is made of awesome and love.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Look at it this way: waiting just made you stand out from the crowd.

[erilyn.livejournal.com]

Yay, I'm not uselessly disorganised, I'm fashionably late! \o/

[gweneiriol.livejournal.com]

hi! I thought I had posted a comment to this fic before, but I realized I hadn't and for that I apologize. Why? Because this fic (and the whole series) fucking rocks! I love your Ray and Bob and I love this universe and I love how Ray was totally clueless as to why Bob was mad at him after agreeing to have dinner w/Todd. Also, I love how clueless Ray is about Bob because Bob is just Bob! Thanks again for this wonderful world you've shared!

[cimness.livejournal.com]

Hi! :) I'm so glad you enjoyed this universe and my vision of fluffiness. Thanks for the note!