True love means never having to say "Baby, I can't go again yet!"

[cimorene]

So for the past few days I've been hugely impressed by someone even more amazing than Limpet Vacuum Girl or Immortal Waycestuous Assbaby Snake!Frank Girl. The intensity of this girl's devotion to childraped, ponytailed sparkle motion cannot be overstated. To put it another way, the archive contains 38 stories by her, almost entirely first times featuring the same OMCs and the same elaborate childrape backstory for Illya as well as the same completely non-canon ponytail. I guess we all have to have our kinks.

BUT THEN.

"A - um, a refractory period. That's what it's called."

"And what was your question exactly?" When he put his lips to Illya's throat he could feel Illya's pulse beating there.

"Well - we don't seem to have one."

"No, we don't, do we. Do you know what that means?" He moved up so he was smiling directly into Illya's eyes, and they smiled back at him.

"No."

"True love." Napoleon fitted them together with care and oh, how perfect the match was. "It's a sign of true love."

Okay. So.


perhael: "Our love is so true, it overrides normal physical reactions!"
perhael: I MEAN SRSLY WHAT.
cimorene: True loves means your balls are magically always full!
cimorene: THEY CAN NOW ACCESS THE SPECIAL TRUE LOVE RESERVE SPUNK.
perhael: AHAHAHAHAHHAHA. I'm picturing a secret secure door inside the ballsac labeled "true love reserves".
cimorene: ÖAKLHSDFÖASDHLHFYYYTBJUT
perhael: "OPEN ONLY IN CASE OF SOULMATES"
cimorene: khxcvöla>kxv It's probably triggered by a physical mechanism!
cimorene: Once the cock touches the soul... which as we know is located just past the prostate...
cimorene: I have to post this.
perhael: You really do!
perhael: Other people need to know about this magical discovery! They may have been wondering why they still have refractory periods! They might not know it's because they haven't found their ~*TRUE LOVE*~!

Comments

[mecurtin]

OK, I am officially scared:

I am a 50 odd year old woman with 3 grown children, a son-in-law and a granddaughter.

-- or is that "scarred"?!?

[cimorene]

Well, that description fits Wax's mom too (-one son-in-law, +two daughters-in-law and four more grandchildren), except I think that Wax's mom understands refractory periods and isn't obsessed with blond ponytails and child rape.

At least, I hope she's not. *shudder*

[mecurtin]

Yes, what has me cringing is the idea of a woman mature enough to be a grandmother who has those particular ... issues. @.@ I was hoping it was some young, innocent thingette.

[cimorene]

With a lot of time on her hands! Remember, 38 of the same story!

[torachan]

It reads very meta to me, like someone brought up to the author, hey, this is really unrealistic, so the next time she wrote a sex scene she included this handly explanation.

[cimorene]

That occurred to me too. Although I gotta say it might have worked better if she had used a different explanation...

[everysecondtuesday]

"True love." Napoleon fitted them together with care and oh, how perfect the match was. "It's a sign of true love."
*dying*

[cimorene]

If you love this dialogue you should check out the rest of her stuff. There was also an "I need your love", and "How can your skin be so soft?" is another of her favorites. Plus the standard "How beautiful you are!"

[cimorene]

Yes, I read almost all of it. That was about 30 stories, skipping the series and truly hazardous-looking AUs. I should get some sort of award. Not that I didn't enjoy it...

[inner_v0ice]

I have to thank you for the fact that this entry is the top Google result for Illya ponytail. It's practically a public service. :D I was going through that archive and found that startling number of fics in which Illya has a ponytail, and I was extremely bewildered. (and not observant enough to notice that they were all by the same person...*facepalms*) I googled trying to find out if there was somehow a canon basis for this that I was unaware of, and was glad to have matters clarified by this post. XD

[cimorene]

HAHAHAH THIS COMMENT SERIOUSLY MADE MY DAY! XD

Also here via google...

[jest]

I worry sometimes about the fact that Man from U.N.C.L.E. fandom seems to be turning me into a catty bitch. There's so much godawful fic, and my opinion of it seems to be becoming harder and harder to suppress...eventually I just know I am going to explode and make someone's fic-writing grandma cry.

Anyway, this post made me feel much better about it all. Thank you for that!

Re: Also here via google...

[cimorene]

Hahaha! Better to explode on your OWN journal than theirs. Also some of them are probably offline by now - it's a pretty old fandom (albeit not entirely dead, I think).