hideous shoes of the day: irregular choice and their amazing range of wtf

[cimorene]

I thought we'd take a break from shoe recs for shoe pointing and laughing. I enjoy seeing whatever new shit Irregular Choice comes up with via my favorite shoe store, schuhstore.co.uk, because about 1 time in 60 I like them, and the other times I like laughing at them. They were responsible for the Ugliest Shoe of the Year at some shoe blog or other that I found last year, too, with these bizarre hooketeer-kitten-heel boots with a huge cuff made of turquoise jersey printed with... was it little astronauts or something? on a horrifyingly ugly last, with this huge pointed toe. Anyway! So, these are expensive novelty shoes for eccentric, like, Lady Gaga-type avante gardes. Most people should not try wearing these at home. I hear they are comfortable and well made, however.




I didn't actually save the names of most of these when I saved them, and I believe all of them are now sold out at Schuh, but on the other hand, they probably have a cult following, if there are any Gaga-ites reading this who, Enya forbid, actually want these. In absence of real names, I have amused myself by dubbing them (L-R, top first) "Flower Vomit", "Attack of the Metallic Gold Fungus", "Help They're Sprouting", and "Never Watch Ben Hur on PCP Again". On the other hand, I'm kind of disappointed that I've never seen Lady Gaga in the last pair.

ETA It should probably be noted, for the record, that Louboutin made a limited-edition style of Marie Antoinette-"inspired" heels a year or so ago which were probably the inspiration for Flower Vomit, and were pretty much uglier in every way you can possibly imagine. Basically, the uglier it is, the more high fashion and more expensive, usually.

Comments

[vass]

I kind of like Flower Vomit. Not enough to wear, mind.

[bexless]

SHOE BRAND OF MY HEART. As you know, I am sure. I mean I like them enough to display them and never wear them outside in case I damage the soles.

I tried on a pair of the Marie Antoinette (Flower Vomit) courts - not in that colour - and they are actually much less ugly in person. The courts you pictured are pretty vile though - the first pair are called Female Cortesan Ribbon Flower Court, by the way, which is a hilariously long name - and the Princess Petra Spot Sandals (the weird Rainbow Brite gladiator au things), man, idek what they were thinking. I think I posted those myself in a fit of wtf earlier this year, actually, and it takes A LOT to make me wtf at shoes. The more lolarious the better, usually!

They are extremely well made, and to be honest they're not actually that expensive. I mean, compared to other brands which operate at a similar point on the whimsy curve. Their flat shoes are extremely comfortable, but in my experience the heels are absolutely not.

[mecurtin]

heeee. Help They're Sprouting reminds me of your wedding shoes, in fact ...

[bexless]

LOL. They're not the same colour, style, or material, but they do both look like they sprung forth fully-formed from a cartoon, so I guess I can see why they'd ring a bell.

[bexless]

* Sorry, the Marie Antoinette ones are Help They're Sprouting, not Flower Vomit. Look, they could basically all be called Flower Vomit, let's be honest here.

[cimorene]

I thought of that afterwards, but the top pair of flowers are more vomit-COLORED. Well, going by typical sidewalk vomit on New Year's Day anyway.

[cimorene]

Yes! I thoroughly support this though. In fact, all their shoes do look more like small and bizarre art sculptures and are eminently suited for display. Possibly in individual glass cases covered with rainbows, glitter, and tiny mirrorballs.

[cimorene]

Also true about price. They're actually kind of midrange, but in the upper end of the price range sold at Schuh.

[aynatonal]

Oh my goodness, I'd almost forgotten about this company! I had a pair of their shoes once and they really were quite comfy (and not as outrageous as any of these by a long shot).

[laughingrat]

I kind of like the ones on the top left

[l_elfie]

weirdly, these aren't pinging my ugly-shoes meter...because they look like they should be used for cosplay or something. all manners of atrociousness make sense when it's part of a costume. (hence the appropriateness of the lady gaga comparison, i guess?) it's just when you think about someone wearing them in real life that it becomes truly lulzy. XD

[cimorene]

Well, it's definitely on a different scale from Crocs or bedazzled Birkenstock thongs, but I do actually find them awkward and ugly. Still not as ugly as Crocs, of course.

The shapes are bad on all of them but Flower Vomit, which have a nice sculpting that just happens to be covered with flowers and rickrack in an unfortunate mess of Easter basket colors, but Help They're Sprouting and Attack of the Metallic Gold Fungus have a bad shape and placement of the heel that makes them weirdly top-heavy and awkward, and Sprouting is also a really ugly fabric with a whole, like, unfortunate collision of early 90s pop music video coloring with metallic Rococo wallpaper, a pattern that should never be in the same room as that color. Then there's the last ones, which just have no attractive element. The only thing in their favor is that they're flat, so they probably aren't bad to walk in.

[l_elfie]

i can see all the things you point out, but a part of me still just thinks "in the appropriate alternate history/fantasy/bad sci-fi setting!" which is honestly where my mind goes most of the time with high fashion.

oh, except for those final ones, of course. maybe someone from those fruit books could figure out a way to wear them, but it wouldn't be in a way that would reduce their hideousness. XD

I um

[basingstoke]

love the rick-rack shoes.

[owl]

I actually sort of like Flower Vomit. Not that I'd ever wear it.

[peoriapeoriawhereart]

The left ones have a classic shape if pitched a bit high unless you have an arm candy to balance. But that amount of flowers the rickrack has requires a much more manspired shoe, like a spector or wingtip turned Heel.

The placebo gladiator flats just, no.