mostly-gay movie recap/review (SPOILERS): the eagle

[cimorene]

So we just watched The Eagle. Channing Tatum is a Roman legionnaire and it's a big cauldron full of simmering slavefic clichés when he falls in love at first sight with Jamie Bell, the captured son of a Pict warrior chief.

waxjism
Actually, the casting is genius. Roman legionnaires are kinda like marines. Channing Tatum totally looks like a marine.



waxjism
LOLOLOL the daddy issues. actually this is more like one of those high school football movies somehow.

waxjism
I didn't know Romans had jockstraps, tbh. You live and learn!

waxjism
I especially enjoy how the savage picts have bred themselves these lovely seventeen-hand andalusian war horses.

[AT THE SIGHT OF JAMIE BELL'S GINGER SULLENNESS WRITHING SHIRTLESSLY IN THE DUST AT THE SLAVE AUCTION]


waxjism
ahahha, Channing Tatum is simmering with sudden lust.

waxjism
Here, kid, I bought you a present, now stop being embarrassing.

waxjism
Donald Sutherland could apparently feel the ~throbbing of Tatum's loins to the point where he decided to just get it over with.

waxjism
lololol. "I'm gonna need the slave to hold you down." ICWYDT. This was written by some fangurl and then stolen illegally off the internets.



waxjism
"Hold him down. Put your weight on him, slave! HARDER!" ahahahhahaha I'm dying here.

Cim
so this movie is a gay romance slavefic??? with jamie bell and channing tatum as romans and donald sutherland hooking dem up??? uh. [Wax corrected me out loud at this point. Jamie Bell is obviously a conquered Pictish slave, not a Roman.]

waxjism
Why does he keep flashing back to 'Nam? HE WAS NEVER IN 'NAM. Stop with that, the UST is enough entertainment.

Cim
'this is oddly pg thirteen tho' #overheardduringgayslaveficslashcometolife


waxjism
Now they're cheerily hunting boar in a kind of Summer of Love type scenario. Oh, halcyon days of frolicking with my body slave.

waxjism
of course they are working perfectly together, a well-oiled sex machine.

Cim
O hai Jamie Bell's unhemmed clothes and leather belt. Well, Channing, I don't blame you.

waxjism
Oh, Channing, one does not simply walk into Mordor!

[CHANNING WANTS TO GO TO DARKEST SCOTLAND TO RETRIEVE THE LOST GOLDEN MCGUFFIN, AND HE'S LIKE, I'LL TAKE ESCA, AND THEY'RE LIKE, HE'S ONE OF THEM HE'LL JUST KILL YOU! AND THEN HE'S LIKE --]

waxjism
ESCA WOULD NEVER! HE PROMISED! ahaahaahah <3<3<3



[cimness: um he's wearing legwarmers rn
cimness: they're flirting and eyefucking and bonding over the campfire no lie
cimness: i bet they're talking about their past traumas
lilah: lololololol
cimness: srsly a fangirl wrote this i guarantee]

waxjism
They should be HEILAN COOS! RT @cimness: The cow police is over here hatin' on the cows in this movie

Cim
So wait, they ARE actually going to cuddle or - something onscreen, right? It's not ALL fade to black?

waxjism
omg, now they're having one of those desperate UST-laden fights of bottled-up angst and betrayal!

waxjism
Damn, they were totes gonna make out after that fight, but they were cockblocked by the picts!

waxjism
HA HA, now the shoe is on the other foot! All the tropes! Role-switcheroo!

[cimness: they're wrasslin on the ground and like about to make out when these scary blue-painted picts decorated with skulls appear out of nowhwere
lilah: lolololol, dis movie
cimness: cockblocking and are like WHO ARE YOU! and esca's like I'M ESCA SON OF CAÖLKSJDFÖ SLAIN CHIEF OF THE BLKADJFINGS! and they're like OH YEAH THEN WHO ARE YOU SPEAKIN ROMAN TO SON
cimness: and he's like ... <.< ITS OK DIS MAH SLAVE HES COOL
lilah: XDDDDD]

Cim
What, now the Picts are like "Oh ok Jamie Bell, I see you have an uppity slave, we'll just give him some sex pollen for you."

Cim
> Oh it turns out they meant actual discipline, and not "discipline". Huh. I thought we were in a fanfic...

[SO THEN THERE'S A TRIBAL BONFIRE CELEBRATION]

waxjism
okay, now it's basically a Duran Duran video. synchronised dancing and all.

waxjism
and Jamie Bell has his top off and is blindfolded while some painted dude is tonguing his ear? OKAY DEN.

waxjism
well, it might have been some other kid. this is very vague. also herne the hunter is here, I guess.

waxjism
oh, now I get it, it's the mcguffin.

Cim
These bitches better be gonna make out now

Cim
LOLOL "I thought I'd lost you" is a CLEAR SIGNAL! Touch his face, touch his face Jamie Bell!

Cim
It's not cuddling yet, but he did manhandle him a bit.

waxjism
"I feel this thigh-bandaging could have been sexier." #overheardinourflat #demandsmoreslash

waxjism
That's not what rats look like on the inside either RT @cimness: Hoping this is the first and only homoerotic rat-eating scene in movies tbh

[SHARING A SINGLE HORSE!]

Cim
"You need to make TWO caps of this frame just because it's THAT awesome." #overheardinourflat #finallysomegoddamncuddles

waxjism
Jamie Bell has like infinite patience with that big redneck.

waxjism
"You can't choose who falls in love with you at the slave auction." #overheardinourflat

[I CAN'T GO ON, JAMIE, YOU TAKE THE MCGUFFIN! NO. I'M COMING BACK. :|]



waxjism
So while Jamie rabbits through the forest, Channing is doing some sad and lonely home decoratin in the rain.

waxjism "It's not a triumphant face, it's a John Hughes romantic gesture face." #overheardinourflat A legion is a boombox.

waxjism
This is some seriously PG-13 child-killing, you guise. The fuck.

Cim
"What now?" "You decide." "MY TURN TO TOP"

Comments

[no_detective]

Hoping this is the first and only homoerotic rat-eating scene in movies tbh


*crying with LOLZ*

[slashbluegreen]

LOL thank you for the hilarious reccing post, I loved the movie but it's always good to know I wasn't alone seeing the slash subtext. I mean text. I mean OMG ROMAN / PICT UST GALORE. a
Apparently the dvd has one more (even slashier) alternative ending scene...

[cimorene]

yeah i gather they decide to become gay farmers...?

[cobweb_diamond]

THIS MOVIE. this movie. it is tremendous. fyi, the book is even better. THEY ADOPT A BABY WOLF TOGETHER AND THEN AT THE END THEY MOVE IN TOGETHER TO BECOME FARMERS OR SOMETHING.

[looc]

LOL. Sort of made me want to watch this movie RIGHT NOW. :D

[cimorene]

Natural slashfan reaction!

[awarrington.livejournal.com]

I enjoyed reading the comments as you watched The Eagle movie. Also, thanks for leaving kudos on my story on AO3. :)

In an interview, Channing Tatum says he and the director referred to the movie during filming as 'Brokeback Eagle'. :)

If you want to find more fic, there's a LJ community here (http://ninth-eagle.livejournal.com) which has a Delicious account (http://www.delicious.com/nintheagle), and there's a thriving kink meme (http://the-eagle-kink.livejournal.com), too.

Sorry, I'm guessing because I don't have a dreamwidth account, the html I used to embed the links doesn't work.

[cimorene]

Actually the links did work! Anyway, it was very civic-minded of you to leave me these links. I wish more people in fandoms would follow that example! I came across the phrase 'brokeback eagle', but I didn't realize it had its origins so near to canon. :)

[awarrington.livejournal.com]

Oh good, glad they worked ok!

Here's the article about "Brokeback Eagle" (http://rosemarysutcliff.com/2011/03/03/calling-the-eagle-movie-brokeback-eagle%E2%80%99/)

And Jamie Bell makes reference to it in this video (hope embedding this works, if not, it's here (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LxnKtbBwwGI)

[itsthequietone]

This had me laughing so hard I cried. Fabulous. And SO TRUE! It needs to be in the dvd commentary or somesuch thing...

[harmony033]

I found this in my hunt for Eagle posts, and this one wins, hands-down. I recently watched the movie for the first time and immediately went online to make sure I totally wasn't making up the not-so-subby-subtext. It was quite a relief (and in this case, comic relief!) to find I was not alone.

This gave me such a good laugh, and I just adore your gifs!

I am new on DW, but have been on LJ for quite a while. Are there good Eagle-centric groups here??

[cimorene]

I don't know anything about that, sorry! You could try the search feature.